aibu? Certain in-laws are vile

[Meandmyhamsterheadagain]

I've been a lurker for a while and I would genuinely like some thoughts please. I will try not to drip feed but equally not go on and on!

Hubby is from broken home. Parents split when he was small. Still has contact/relationship with both parents. We are married with two daughters. His dad and wife live some way away so we don't see them very often, but when we do, they make effort etc. His mum is close by. He has a sister with a son. My SIL and MIL have basically turned his family against me. They are all horrid to me and make digs at me and snipe at me. As an example, in my line of work I have experienced very unsavoury adults and so we have requested no photos of our young girls put onto social media without asking. At a recent event set up by SIL photos were taken by MIL and I politely said 'please don't put onto FB' she came over smiling, lent into me and whispered 'i will do what the f^*k I like with my photos' and walked away smiling to people as if she was whispering something pleasant! This same event I was not catered for (severe allergies) despite SIL knowing. I have literally seen SIL twice in last 9months.

Now my AIBU....AIBU to now really not give a hoot about the MIL, SIL and that branch of family and keep contact at bare minimum, if only so my DD know mil or should I be making more effort for DD to know SIL, despite her self righteous and wholly unpleasant attitude?

I should add DH sticks up for me and sees their behaviour and tries to encourage me to rise above it and ignore it, which I try to do but doesn't stop me feeling an outsider and unable to provide my DD with the family relationships on that side that they have with my family.

Op I could have swore I'd wrote your first post it's my story exactly.

I've been nc with mil and sil for 2 years now and it's been fantastic, dc doesn't notice as they have another set of grandparents on my side who dote over them.

My mil also has an old photo of my dc as her Facebook picture, that's clearly just to annoy me and on their birthday she writes 'granny misses you' for the sympathy votes obviously as she in the right about her behaviour over the long years

TBH I think you would be U to expose your dc to this toxicity. Is it possible to go completely NC?

Some in laws just aren't great.

The whole "you can choose your friends but not your family."
Keep contact minimal, always be lovely and don't care too much what they say or think.

I'd defo cut them out - they are too painful. Also do yourself a favour and come off fb. Block them and lurk

I actually blocked SIL after the last hoo-ha.

Sorry you have experienced similar evaline :(

That exchange about FB is absolutely disgusting and shows a total disregard for your wishes and your children's safety. It's also extremely aggressive and threatening. I think you have to go NC.

Definitely report any pictures of your children that get put up without your consent. Just tell FB, "these are MY children, and I specifically told (MIL) that I did not want pictures of them on social media".

Given that it's a safeguarding issue regarding minors, I would think (hope) FB would delete them immediately rather than open themselves up to lawsuits (?)

(Is a lawsuit a thing here? For hosting pictures of minors without parental consent?)

But don't block them. Then you won't see if they DO put the pictures up, and you'll be left with no recourse to get them taken down. Maybe lock down your privacy settings so you can see them but they can't see anything you post?

Also, the fact that she said something that vile and arrogant quietly, so only you could hear, tells me she knows exactly how vile and arrogant she was being. That was deliberate. To me, that means she's the one who fired the first shot and anything you do from now is self defense and defense of your children.

Why would you actually facilitate a relationship between your daughter and MIL? Do you want your child to be around horrible nasty people? If they weren't related would you let her anywhere near your DD?

Get her away from yourself and your DD. You don't "ignore and rise above" abuse and intimidation. You get away from it.

She's horrible to you now and she was horrible to her own son. Is it such a stretch to think she'll be horrible to your DD?