History of ectopic pregnancies and now 40 - should I stop TTC a second baby?

[EssCee]

This feels like it’s been a long road… and today, I feel like I may have very much come to the end of it.

About 7 years ago, I had an ectopic pregnancy with the loss of a fallopian tube (after it ruptured). I was quite badly emotionally affected by this - I went from finding out that I was pregnant (shocked but elated) to having emergency surgery, all within the space of a few hours.

We were then blessed with a successful pregnancy, and our much loved DD is now 5.

A couple of years ago, we then started trying for another baby... which resulted in another ectopic pregnancy about 6 months later. This tube wasn't ruptured so I do have 1 remaining tube. We have no idea if this tube is healthy or not, though.

Including the ectopic, we've now been unsuccessfully trying TTC for 2 years. About 6 mths ago, we were referred for fertility tests by the GP. We wanted to know about our options, especially as I was 39, time ticking was on.

Since then, we have made numerous visits to the hospital for tests/appointments. Diagnostically, I'm no further forward, though. We were referred for a HYCOSY scan (a scan to see if there's any blockages in the remaining tube), but for reason after reason, we couldn’t get an appointment for months. Then, when I managed to get one, they couldn't do it as they found a small polyp. The polyp was removed a couple of weeks ago.

I've also had two Day 21 tests, which don't seem to confirm if I'm ovulating normally or not as the two test results were not consistent.

Today, we had our third appointment with a doctor/consultant (different one each time)... and again, we are no further forward. And to rub salt on the wounds, the consultant stated that it was 'probable' that the remaining tube was damaged, and that because I'm now 40, there's a greater risk of Down's Syndrome.

They have suggested that I have another Day 21 test done. Plus, they are referring me again for another HYCOSY scan. But, based on what the consultant has said today, I wonder if it’s all now a bit pointless. My gut feeling is that the scan will come back as inconclusive…

I’m so jaded by the whole experience… I’m really sad… and I’m a bit bitter about our useless experience with the NHS. They have said something different every time, and from feeling hopeful on our first visit 6 months ago, we now feel like they’re almost suggesting we don’t bother!

Anyway, my question is… AIBU to think that I should let the idea of having another baby go now?

Sorry it's an essay.

I personally would. It sounds very stressful and like everything has been against you. Your health and wellbeing is important.

Why don't you take a step back, busy yourself in happy things and if it happens, it happens? If you do get pregnant, make sure you get a very early scan to check it's in the right place...you'd be entitled to a 5 week scan. Good luck

Has your partner had any testing? Any abnormalities there?

As you've come this far, why not have the repeat Day 21 and scan, so you have more definitive information to work with.

With regard to the increasing risk of Down's syndrome occurring, this is a useful resource.

Are you in a position to look into any assisted conception options? ICSI may be an appropriate route to explore.

We also have a 5 year old and I'm 40 tv number 2for 2 years. It's just so draining and life is on hold. No tests in NHS for me but private tests show no reason why I'm not conceiving. We have stopped trying no (but not preventing -you never know) I've embraced the many advantages of having an only and pit my energy into my amazing DS. I'm still sad but hot to the point where I couldn't mentally take it any more. But it's something that can't really be rationalised. You'll know yourself when enough is enough

Thank you for the posts... honestly appreciate it a lot.

MichaelSheensNextDW

Yes, DH has had his sperm tested and all good there. (Excellent, in fact, apparently).

Logically, I agree that it seems sensible to repeat the Day 21 and scan. Even if it's to have an 'official' most likely blocked diagnosis, and we know to avoid getting pregnant, then! (Though those chances are slim, of course... as it's not happened since the last ectopic).

Re: assisted conception options... we were going to explore that once we had a diagnosis. I didn't want anything too invasive, but I hadn't ruled anything out. But, I feel so little hope now.

Thanks for the link (and virtual flowers!).

Maxandrubyrubyandmax
It is tough... utterly draining, yes. Today, especially. Can I ask why you decided to go private for the tests? A few months ago, my DH wanted to go private as had had enough with being messed around on the NHS. I thought we were on the cusp of getting closer to have a definitive answer at that point, so I said to stick with it.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to endure this too. I have been thinking about the pros of having an only as well - I actually thought today that, by making the decision to stop, I'm saving myself a ton of heartache and ££££££. And, I have all the patience and time and love to give to my beautiful girl. But, on the flip side, there's no bigger family to cherish and sibling for DD.

GinAndTalented
So sorry to hear about your ectopic. I hope that when you are ready, you have more luck than I've had. I wonder if I should have started trying for #2 sooner... so hard after an ectopic though... pg is a scary concept. And DD didn't sleep through until she was 4...

Re: stop trying approach... gosh, is that even possible after 2 years of trying purposely? I don't know.

Screwinthetuna - yes, I think I have reached that point :-(

Thank you, GinAndTalented... I know how it feels to have friends and family have babies left, right and centre. The feelings of sadness (grief?) catch me by surprise every time. It must be very, very hard to have to work in the area though....

Hi EssCee. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time trying for 2nd. I can only second the posters who recommend taking a step back, enjoying your DD and seeing what happens without obsessing over getting a result each month. But I know that's easier said than done. I had an ectopic 3 years after DC1 arrived and 3 years before DC2. I was down to one tube and giving up hope but it just happened. I'm not sure private investigation will be any better than NHS. It's often (and was in our case) the same doctor doing the same thing, just in a fancier hospital. I wish you every success. .

bunnylove99 - Thank you - and it's good to hear of your success despite your previous history. The consultant today seemed to think that our history (ectopic/loss of tube, successful pregnancy, ectopic) strongly suggested that the remaining tube was not patent (functioning correctly), which is why he had said that it was 'probable' that it was blocked.

Did you lose your tube after DC1? I'm wondering why no one had told us sooner that it was 'probable' that our remaining tube was blocked.

Our experience with the NHS has been so patchy and frustratingly inconsistent on the information-front... surely the service has to be better when private? At least seeing the same person, who has full access to your records?

Anyway, thank you x