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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of "me too"?

81 replies

Nickynackynoodle · 20/04/2017 12:15

Any time i say to DP "I'm tired" or my foot is sore" or anything about me, it's met with a "me too" or "no I didn't sleep well" or "my spine has fallen out"

It's so fucking annoying! Like I'm not allowed to be the only one who's under the weather.

I've started doing it back to him but he doesn't notice.

Anyone else?

OP posts:

HarrietKettleWasHere · 20/04/2017 13:30

My mother does this to me and it's one of the things I cannot stand about her there are lots

When telling her I'd been in hospital after becoming very very suddenly ill with what turned out to be a blood clot on my lung, and I'd been very scared, she goes;

'Oh yes. Me too! I nearly had a blood clot once. It was terrifying'

I asked her how one 'nearly' has a blood clot. They'd injected her with a blood thinning medication when she'd been in hospital having a 'cancer scare' constipation a few years back. As they do to everyone on the ward, because of the risk of clots of you are immobile. I explained this to her and said I'd been unable to breathe, barely concious and bloody sick as a dog.

'Oh do stop going on about it', she says, 'you're bringing back horrible memories of when I was in hospital, I can't talk about it anymore. You always have to have all the drama. You're not the only one to have ever been ill you know'.

Jaysis · 20/04/2017 13:32

Mine used to do it. Then the three of us had the same lurgy. Only he had it worse than us naturally

I found out at about 5 past the time the nursery should be closing that he never bothered to pick up the DC like he usually does because he was too sick and I should have known this telepathically or something. So I dashed to the nursery but was still over 20 mins late given where I was when I rang him - poor DC and poor minder.

I've rarely got mad it him but he fucking got it with both barrels that day - I fucking had the same illness and managed to do my household shit so I was fucked if I was going to take on his too.

He's never did it again. To be fair, he's not normally that bad, just a moaner, but he really lost his marbles that day.

silkpyjamasallday · 20/04/2017 13:34

My DP does this and it drives me insane! Always has had a worse nights sleep than me, despite the fact I know that the baby doesn't wake him as I am awake feeding her while listening to snoring usually. He has a huge list of ailments from reoccurring headaches to back pain to stomach issues but is he registered with a local GP? No. When I was bent over double with a bulging disc in my back and unable to pick up dd his back was still worse apparently even though he still manages to go to the gym etc. and I could barely walk!

BodyformForYou · 20/04/2017 13:38

HarrietKettleWasHere oh how awful x

haveacupoftea · 20/04/2017 13:39

Thank God it's not just my DP who does this. I genuinely think men see us as stand in mummies and the competition over the worst illness is so that mummy keeps looking after them even when she's sick.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/04/2017 13:39

Oh my god. That is exactly what DH does. I can never feel ill without him immediately claiming he has the same thing and he's always 'coming down with a cold' or 'had a terrible night'.

It drives me mad but what can I say? I can't know for certain how he feels. It's just annoying because when you are ill you do want the other person to be strong and ok while you recover.

Freddyfredfred · 20/04/2017 13:39

Mine does this too!

Recent conversation:
Me: I've got a tummy ache
DH: So have I. Horrible isn't it?
Me: Are you having a particularly uncomfortable period too?

QuintessentialShadow · 20/04/2017 13:52

My sister does this. To everyone.

Good job she has such a small social circle, or she would never be well.

If I am ill, she is too. If my dad is unwell, she is worse. If her daughter has a blinding migraine that keeps her in bed for days, you can be sure that SHE also has a terrible head ache.

My mum always used to say that my sister was genetically disposed, she caught hypochondria early from her grandmothers sister.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 20/04/2017 13:53

I cannot believe the PP's whose husbands pulled this crap in labour - I'm amazed you didn't murder them.

DP used to be a bugger for the bad night competition until I recorded his snoring on my phone because it was stopping me bloody sleeping.

Stormtreader · 20/04/2017 14:04

Got to love hate a Topper. I tend to totally ignore what they say now and just carry on talking about my thing, they hate that.

QueenOlivine · 20/04/2017 14:05

I also thought this was about the woefully underfunded Cbeebies debacle! :o ("Granny" Murray my arse)

ExP didn't do this (amazingly) but instead he would get a different, and of course far worse, ailment a bit later. Maybe so that then he could expect me to devote myself entirely to sympathising and mopping his brow.

To do it when you're in labour is just beyond outrageous!

jamdonut · 20/04/2017 14:11

Oh dear, I know I do this....it's only meant to be empathetic though
But...no one is ever more unwell than my DH ! He is always at death's door.

NotOneThingButAnother · 20/04/2017 14:11

My 'D'H has been ill since we married, over 28 years ago. About 5 years into the marriage I thought I should really have kept a diary of all this, but I never did - kicking myself now. Examples - last August he hurt his hand, then it turned into his arm (no idea how). So he could not do any DIY or housework or anything really, and it didn't get better until Christmas. Couple of weeks after Christmas his knee started to hurt, now he reckons he can barely walk. So that'll probably last till August, and then he'll have done his 12 month stint of being "unwell". He does this every year. He complains that myself and the DCs (two girls, can you see a theme developing here) don't "take care" of him. But if I am ill he gets angry as he knows he then might have to lift a finger; or he says I have "a low pain threshold". He actually tells other people this too. Really its a shame my threshold for putting up with arseholes is so high ...

Jaysis · 20/04/2017 14:12

MsStricty · 20/04/2017 14:13

The theory is that this is regressed sibling rivalry being played out - go back to the "Me Too"er's family of origin where they no doubt felt they had to vie for limited attention. So it'll be like a second language to the person doing it.

Giving them a bollocking might shake them out of it and make them more aware when they do it next. But this kind of rivalry runs deep, and it can be a fecking pain in the arse to shift.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/04/2017 14:15

My exH said to me and my mom that he thought my (very difficult and traumatic) labour was worse for him than me. My mother just tore him off a strip massively.

bran · 20/04/2017 14:19

Why don't you ask him what's wrong with him first?

You: What symptoms do you have?
Him: What do you mean?
You: Well, I feel really rough, and you are ALWAYS worse than me, so I was just wondering what your symptoms are.

MissBel12 · 20/04/2017 14:26

Oh god that is really annoying. I'm lucky my DP isn't like that at all, but one of my best friends is. Except for her it's not 'me too'... it's always a million times worse than me. For example, I'll have a cold, she's dying of the flu. I've a stomach bug, she's coming down with a deadly virus [big grin]. It's extremely irritating so I can only imagine what it's like if it's the person you live with

bigbuttons · 20/04/2017 14:29

my ex is a hypochondriac. He uses it as a reason not to get things done. If ever I was unwell he had ALWAYS had the bug first and had valiantly soldiered on whereas I was clearly not, because I was complaint and I wouldn't have know he was ill because he just kept going. He also had bugs which lasted for months. These frequently coincided with us going away, which we hardly ever did. He would start to become ill, be unable to help with the kids, or do anything and would then be ill for months afterwards.

WizardOfToss · 20/04/2017 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Germgirl · 20/04/2017 14:34

My husband does the competitive non sleeping thing.
I sleep pretty badly, I have chronic abdo pain and it often wakes me up. I'm awake almost every night from around 2-5am.
Dh asks how I slept, I say 'not that well, I was awake for a few hours' and he'll without exception say 'oh, I woke up loads and every time I woke up, you were asleep!
Well, every time I woke up, and for the 3+ hours I was awake, YOU were snoring like a warthog DH so how does that work then?
I think he dreams that he's woken up to fine me asleep because he's definitely asleep most of the time I'm awake!

AprilLudgateDwyer · 20/04/2017 14:36

Every time I get ill dh has to get the same thing but if course 10 times worse. He couldn't even let me hab child birth, he spent his whole paternity leave with a sinus infection!

sparechange · 20/04/2017 14:38

thenewaveragebear

You need to buy sleep trackers for you both

I give it one week before the data proves he is getting more sleep and he shuts up about it

MrsTrentReznor · 20/04/2017 14:45

I've started doing it back.
Situation has improved!

Itmustbemyage · 20/04/2017 14:49

Oh god my DH as well, he is always ill with some general but minor affliction until someone in the house is really unwell then he displays a Gold Medal Winning level of competitive illness.
Also a few years ago I was very seriously ill with a mystery illness ( hospitalised for 5 days , tested for everything etc etc) and for some weird reason he likes to bring it up every now and then about how much worse it was for him than me at the time, cause he was feeling ill himself but had to just soldier on with my DM helping out massively.

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