Letting DS watch the end of a film tonight, AIBU?

[sailorcherries]

I had a thread a while ago, started and posted to in the midst of a complete bedtime breakdown.

Essentially, my DS who is almost 7 doesn't sleep. He has never been a great sleeper and we have tried everything from white noise to co sleeping to cio to sitting in his room to essential oils and all sorts. We have a consistent bedtime routine, of bath/shower, book and bed but despite this DS is never asleep before 10pm. We start bedtime at around 9pm as a result and I sit for about 30-40mins outside his room door (door open) until he nods off. We progressively moved his bedtime later as, at times, I was sitting for almost double or triple the amount of time before he nodded off.

During the night he wakes like clockwork at 2am and then 4am, sometimes only 4am if I'm lucky. He is taken back to bed and I sit until he's asleep.

We've been to the gp twice, school nurse, HV and a sleep clinic who have told me I'm doing all the right things and he'll grow put of it eventually. No medication will be issued.

He is up before 8am every morning and is bright as a button all day, no behavioural issues. The later bed time isn't affecting him and he regularly gets between 9 and 10 hours a night.

I'm due a elcs in 4 weeks (26 days). I hurt and I'm tired and I'm not sleeping (once DS wakes at 4am I'm up for the day, thank god for mat leave!). Tonight we skipped the story and instead I told him he could finish watching Matilda, which ended just there. My mum text me and I told her about the film. She has proceeded to go off on one and told me it's lazy and so on and so forth.

Aibu to let him do this once for a bit of a break? He isn't awake any later than normal and he actually sat in his room, alone, at night time for the first time ever. He's nodding off now so won't be out of sleep.

I'm really unsure when it comes to bedtime, for all the reasons listed above.

Hello :) I have a 7 yr old non sleeping son too!

You do what you need to do.

Bottom line is your child/ren need a functioning mother.

As you cannot wave a magic wand and make your son have perfect sleeping habits (damn no one invented such a wand!) you need to get through the best you can ... and that involves giving yourself a break now and then!

My DS gave a million and one reasons why he can't sleep, but by a process of elimination I realised that it's not the monsters, the dark or anything else. It's that he's scared of being on his own, and his imagination works overtime on everything to create more and more terror.

So, I've done lots of work on anxiety and reassurance in the day time and in general, rather than focusing on night times and making it feel even more of an issue.

He cosleeps quite a bit, but getting less as long as he feels that he can come into my room whenever he needs to.

The absolute best thing I've done is to change bedtime routine to eliminate stories as they all became fodder for his imagination to turn into bad dreams and terrifying thoughts.

I found some children's meditation audio tracks on iTunes, which replaced story time, and are (surprisingly!) great! I'm really not a woo wind chimes type of person, so wouldn't ever have come across them normally. But they really help! They're mostly 'guided visualisations' so they are still stories but designed to put the listener in a calm and positive state of mind, rather than excitement or any sense of peril.

Anyway, you're probably fed up of all the unsolicited advice you get with a non sleeping child, so I'll be quiet now!

Good luck, and make sure that you put your own wellbeing into your DC bedtime routines... and give yourself a break if you can.

Yanbu to let him watch tv as a one off.
As for the sleep it sounds like he just doesn't need a lot. But at age 7 I think he's old enough to understand that you also need sleep/have things to do. So after you've read to him I would let him know that he can read or listen to music/audio books and the same if he wakes in the night.

I'd also make sure he has a good carby supper before bed as it's much easier to sleep on a full stomach. Certain foods are supposed to help induce sleep as well. I'm thinking bananas and cherry juice off the top of my head but could be wrong.

Did you already say why your DP isn't dealing with the waking? Sorry if you did. If not they absolutely should be. You need sleep to grow a baby and be a good mum.

I would let him watch films until you get the issue sorted. If he's going to be awake just staring at the ceiling and you sitting in a doorway for hours isn't it better that he gets an education about films?

Audio books would be even better if he'll do that. Start a thread about book recs for his age group. I bet if you find something he likes he will be glued to it. Do people still do choose your own adventure books?

You do what you need to to survive. Your mother is being an awful idiot. She has never been in this situation so she hasn't got a clue. Ignore her entirely.

Definitely take him to the GP about snoring, I did with DD and got referred to the ENT who recommended tonsil reduction to help with the snoring (which is often connected to sleep apnoea which might explain why he's waking up)

Also agree with the audiobooks suggestion

This seems like sleepwalking. My brother used to do it too and would appear half asleep if you caught him. We simply locked his bedroom door from the outside and it eventually stopped.

iwasjustabout I didn't mention in this thread but in my previous I did. My OH isn't DS dad and we've only lived together since October 15 but with OH working a lot of nights during this time. Until this point I was a single parent and so DS finds it hard to sleep when I'm not there. OH does do baths/showers and reads his story to give me some time.

I am going to see the gp about his snoring. He sounds like a 40 year old man!

uppity I'd never lock him in his room. He isn't sleep walking as he can remember waking even if it isn't fully. Plus sometimes he needs the toilet and I'd rather not deal with that mess.

Uppity did you just suggest someone lock their child in their bedroom overnight?!!

I know a 7 year old like this. He's recently been prescribed seratonin and it's been working brilliantly.

In answer to your question I'd say do what you have to do to get some sleep.
My 5 year old has always been a rubbish sleeper and she's number 5. The others were ok ish but she was something else.
So after trying to be conventional we have broken every "rule" in the book!
We have co slept, sat with her, slept on her floor, marched her around the park at 9pm, more recently I made a bed on our floor and she snuck in when she woke up during the night.
She has now stopped this but is still a very early water.
I am currently sat in bed while she is watching her kindle in her room eating the snacks I left with it last night I slept till 8!

mothervulva all health professionals have refused any medical intervention.

ledkr in the morning he is good at watching his tv until half 8 when he knows he can come get me. It's the bits in between :(

im a lifelong insomniac , i was given sedatives at the age of 4 , but after a while they stopped working and the dose was supposed to be upped, my parents said no way ,so i was just left to read with a night light and small radio (no tv in bedroom until i was about 11 )

but god forbid if i woke my parents up or sister(shared a room)
has he said why is he coming to you when he wakes ,especially if hes still sleepy? is he having nightmares ?

Have you asked for melatonin? There's a time release type if he will swallow pills. Mine can't so we get the regular type & put in water. I normally find the earlier I can get them settled to sleep the longer they sleep in and less wakenings.

wfrances he is coming through to check we're still there, as far as I'm aware.
When we coslept he still woke up but didn't need to wake me up because I'd be right there.
However cosleeping no longer works because I'm too heavily pregnant, DS gets too hot cosleeping and sweats meaning he is more disturbed and our double bed won't fit a 7 year old who is the size of a 10 year old plus two adults.

It's not really a medication, it's a natural hormone some of us don't have enough of

Just to point out that in the case of a sleepwalker it can actually be safest to lock their door.

When I was at school a little girl in my class sleepwalked out of her room, and out of the front door and was found by police several hours later, hypothermic and disoriented walking in the road....

wobbly I mentioned melatonin to two different gps and both refused as he was 'too young'.

Fenella my DS isn't a sleepwalker though which is why I'd never lock him in.

sailor sorry, just to be clear - uppity didn't know that when she mentioned locking the door, that was after someone had suggested he was sleepwalking. My post was in response to those telling uppity you should never lock a child in.

He's not too young for melatonin - DD was prescribed it a couple of months before she turned six. But melatonin wouldn't help with the wakings anyway, just help him to fall asleep quicker at the beginning of the night. But annoying that GPs just decided he's too young and left it at that. Sleep is an important part of health!

Most gps won't give melatonin, you normally have to get it from a paediatrician or my dd gets it from camhs. It's unlicensed so many gps won't prescribe it.

DS1 used to snore dreadfully (like an overweight middle aged man!) and had osa. When he had tonsils and adenoids out shortly before turning 3, it cured the snoring and apnoea straight away.

Problem is, his body is now so used to waking, and like Misc's DS he seems to be rather anxious whEn he wakes in the night, gets upset and rather hysterical and has vomited on occasion. We think that he's been so used to waking and feeling upset due to the apnoea (which is pretty scary waking and gasping for breath as some of my adult patients have told me), that he's still feeling the same now even though the problem has been sorted.

We're trying to encourage him to go back to sleep on his own, but he's only 5. It's difficult when he has bad dreams and an overactive imagination to start with.

Forgot to add, he also had melatonin at about 3.5yo, prescribed by a paediatrician. His sleep was so awful, we'd sit next to him every night, sometimes up to 2.5 hours, because he'd get hysterical if we tried to leave him. He would never go to sleep alone.

He was on liquid melatonin for a month, which worked enough to make him drowsy at bedtime (something he never was before because he got too scared), and gradually we could leave the room for a bit longer each time until he started falling asleep when we were out of the room. Now, bedtimes are no longer stressful, but the night wakings are a big issue for us still.