Re overnight contact

[Saldebain]

Because I can't see the wood for the treesand my head is banging right now with a stress headache.

Ex and I split up 10 mths ago. We have a just turned 2 year old. She was around 13 mths when he left. He's been with his girlfriend for 7 mths. In that time he's moved three times, culminating in him now being 45 mins away. Access is twice a week overnight currently. This matches up with the access for my other children with their father so not something I want to change around.

A month ago he told me he was buying a house. I asked him then if he was planning on moving his girlfriend in and he said no not anytime soon.

Today he has told me that he's moving in in a week or so and not only is his GF moving in but she's also bought the house with him. Which he obviously lied about the first time I asked him. His excuse for not telling me is that I would "kick off".

I feel really really uncomfortable with my DD having a stepmum living at her house who I've never met, I know nothing about her, she has no children and honestly I'd just anyone's maturity at buying a house with someone 7 mths into a relationship (ex included). He has form for this. Before me he had a girlfriend bought a house and then left, then same thing with me except the baby not the house, now all over again with this one.

My main worry is that we still co-sleep and she co-sleeps with her dad too. His solution is that she just won't be able to get into bed with him anymore (putting himself first). Add that onto the 45 minute drive 4 times a week plus the fact he has to wake her at 5.30/6am to get her here and get himself to work I'm feeling like I should stop overnight contact until she is older (3/4).

I don't want her getting attached to someone when there is a good chance it's not going to work out.

I don't want her feeling like she's been kicked out of her dads bed for his new girlfriend.

I don't know what the court would even say or if I just have to suck it up.

I'm struggling as my other DCs father was a lot more sensible with his girlfriend. They moved in after 2 years, the DC were older and knew her very well and it all went (and still is) perfect.

AIBU?

I agree it's a bit odd to buy a house with someone after 7 months however it's not unreasonable for him to want to sleep with his girlfriend. Surely you'd rather your DD had her own bed in his house rather than co-sleep, if it means sharing the bed with the girlfriend. I co-slept with my DS for 6 years but when I met my now DH, DS obviously moved into his own bedroom.

And re the getting up early, I'm afraid a lot of children have to do just this depending on their parents' working hours. My own DS had to leave the house with me at 6.30am for several years, so I could leave him with my parents house then commute to work.

I understand that you don't want your DD to get attached to a girlfriend who may not be around for long, but I'm afraid, in the nicest possible way, that YABU.

It's horrible but you ha w to accept that you are not your DD's only parent. If he doesn't want to co-sleep, he doesn't have to. If he wants to buy with his partner, he can. If he went to court they would, in my opinion, grant the overnights.