To think that nobody really wants to know about Mental Health issues in real life

[Thickaspigshit17]

I'm not in a great place at the moment for a couple of days now. A member of my family who I'm close to texted, I didn't say anything over the top I just said I'm not feeling great and struggling a bit but am doing x y and z to try to help things. No response. It's as though they only want to be in touch with me when I'm sufficiently well.

My partner listened to me in tears last night and now is being chilly and not bothering to get in touch. This is somebody who normally is very communicative and loving and in touch a lot. Now says "I'm sad that you're so down" and apparently still loves me but it feels like a withdrawal, because of discomfort and not knowing what to say.

You see all these media and social media campaigns about if you are in crisis to tell somebody and get support. In my experience that isn't really how it works in the real world. If you have long term issues, people just don't want to know after a time. Not their fault.

Idk I will figure stuff out on my own, but I do feel it's not very accurate to make out that support is available for those who need it.

I agree that it can be hard to empathise when you don't suffer from the issue that your loved one suffers with. My DSis has depression. Sometimes she's in a really good place for ages (months - even a couple of years on one occasion), but I admit that when my DM berated me earlier this week for not keeping in closer touch and that 'she's really down at the moment', my first reaction (silently, in my head), was 'Oh god, what now?'. She was in the pits of despair from Oct-Christmas and now here we go again. I am sympathetic, although I realise it doesn't sound like it, but I struggle to know what to say or actually do. I live 100 miles away. I'm busy. I have a family. I study. And realistically I can't really do anything to help her. I wish she'd see a psychotherapist. I really, really do. Someone who is actually qualified to help, rather than me or our DM, neither of us with any training for this.

Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest that it should all be personal responsibility, really just that this latest media push towards family and friends can easily backfire in circumstances where family and friends are doing all they can (and acknowledge that not everyone is in this position). There are absolutely people who can benefit from the message.

You are right of course - I have a lovely friend with BPD and addiction issues and she asked me to take care of her dd as the dd was unable to live with her due to her mental health issues. (emotional abuse,alcoholism, suicide attempts). The dd has lived with us for over a year now, and it's extremely hard trying to balance the needs of mum and daughter. Mum tells us we are not doing enough, that we hate her, that we all want her dead, and she is just going to disappear, and then vanishes for days. We spend hours talking her down, providing as much support as we can, and she is unable to see the damage she is doing to her relationships as a result of the constant attacks. It's very sad. I have worked for an entire year to keep the door open between mum and daughter, and mum can't see it at all.
BPD is a bitch. I hate that my friend is using this stuff as a stick to beat her family and friends with. I know Her illness makes her unable to recognize how hard everyone is working on her behalf. And we try to remember that. But she posts these things on social media and berates us for not giving enough. All she needs is support. There is literally no more of us left to give. And the guilt still piles up.

I just don't want the move towards family and friends to allow the government an excuse to cut more services. That worries me. I have seen it too often in other caring roles, and have been involved in a lot of not for profits that were set up to plug gaps in welfare services. The move away from government responsibility to the most vulnerable is a bit of a bee in my bonnet. I don't mean to suggest it exonerates the caring community at all (am big on relational care and interdependence) but it suddenly seems to be a huge thing which always makes me worry about a driving force.

I apologise for bringing politics onto a personal thread - I know you were looking for support, and my response was really about the rhetoric.
I really do hope you get the support you need from your family and friends xx

Regarding the HRHs and this new campaign, I saw a bit on BBC Breakfast the other morning and the lady they'd chosen to interview had had a nice normal life until her son and husband died. It's a devastating tragedy but it's a very relatable one for normal people watching the programme. She has the resources of a person who's been mentally healthy all their lives, probably has a decent support network, good friends etc. It's uncomplicated. The relationship between events and her state of mind was really clear. Healthy people can look at her and say "what if that happened to me?" Whereas say you have someone with a personality disorder or CPTSD or chronic depression, and there are a bunch of shit life choices behind them, perhaps they are still living in or have created a dysfunctional family situation... I think it is very hard to present a story like that in a way that outsiders can understand. You sometimes get recovering addicts on these things speaking with great dignity about their situation, I suppose that can work, but you notice with them it's usually peer support that brought them through.

Plus, the point that is ALWAYS missed when mental health issues hit the news and the message is 'reach out, get support' is to encourage people to look for that support FROM PROFESSIONALS. The message is usually 'If you had a broken leg you wouldn't suffer in silence'. Well no, you probably wouldn't, but then again, you wouldn't expect your DP, DM, DSis to fix it - you'd go to a doctor and you'd see a physio to get you up and about again - you wouldn't expect your family, with no medical training, to be able to provide that support. I appreciate that MH services can be useless, underfunded, etc, so that should be tackled first and foremost, but the message also needs to change to one of looking for help from people who are trained to help.

I hear the Samaritans are much better than the Crisis team, if you need help in a crisis. The impression I get is that mostly the Crisis team want to get you off the phone, so they can get back to their own life! May be being unduly cynical?

It's a tough one I think at times family and friends are scared of saying the wrong thing and pushing you over the edge, I suffer from severe depression although I am settled on meds and have unbelievable help from NHS counselling.

It took along time for me to tell my parents as I felt I should pull myself together, I said to my df when I was struggling before diagnosis 'I can't do this anymore' multiple times his response was, well you have to get on with it. I know it's difficult and it seems family and friends acknowledge that in a crisis but, then back away and hope for the best, I find I almost need to be explicit in my request for help otherwise you need to work at it on your own.

I am lucky because my counselling has given me the skills and knowledge to identify when I'm heading for a crisis and I know what to do to prevent or at least ease the situation, I know not everyone can do that and for them without support it must feel like a downward spiral.

What techniques do people with MH problems here use to cope when they know they are heading into problems?

It might sound crass but I take myself away from whatever is happening close my eyes and breathe and concentrate on how my body feels, I have a journal that I write in most days about what I am grateful for people etc and what could make the day better, It can make grim reading but on the whole it's positive so I know I can beat this it gives me the boost I need.

Also, although not always possible to concentrate on reading when you are suffering from MH problems but a book I dip into is full catastrophe living by Jon cabbat Zin (i think) I find it really grounds me In the life I'm missing while I let depression take over.

Good luck op I hope things improve for you.