To ask her to pay???

[UnicornsAreReal666]

Quick backstory just so you all dont think I'm being a bitch

DC birthday party coming up, for the past 3 years my DF has not turned up to my DC birthday, (with their DC of course) literally cancelled on the day or an hour before, every time, either her DC refused to leave the house or just couldn't be bothered, this is a known thing for her.
I Asked DF to let me know if she will be coming to DC party as I was paying for it v soon, and didn't want to get them a place their not going to turn up or cancel, by this time id asked her 4 times+ with no specific answer, so as you do I payed for the party, but not place for her DC.

Today a week after I've payed up announces that she may make it.

The AIBU part is, AIBU to have her pay for her own DC? She did offer I just don't want to be a bitch because I feel like one haha.
Reasons.

1. Incase she doesn't turn up/cancel and again in out of pocket.
2. Ive spent the birthday budget now as its next week! So even if I wanted to I haven't got the spare money to pay for another place.
3. I asked her 4 times maybe more as I see her almost everyday.

I thought you were referring to Darling Fiancée and were treading on eggshells. As for it being a friend just don't bother. She's not a good friend. Advice would be the same for a fiancée just thought you were treading carefully.

Thank you min I wasn't sure if DF was anything just being lazy and didn't want to wrote it out , (sorry to confuse you all) not going to do anymore asking or reminding, just count the week down to party day, if their there they are, if not, not... Simples as someone said

Thank you hectate I believe your right, I dont think we will last the summer if I'm honest, DF already listed out how much they will want my services help.

I have 2+ DC's of my own and recently diagnosed with PND, but I still have a list of non reciprocal favours via DF to get through, like walk their DC to school everyday as its too hot for DF to walk. I think not! As I said ive stopped saying 'yes', I'm getting there, be it slowly....

Hecate sorry have one hand in the sink

I was also about to say exactly what hecate said.

It isn't your responsibility to be her friend because no one else wants to be.

Don't add her kids on, just say the places are booked as you stated the RSVP date and leave it at that. She won't come and I certainly wouldn't make an allowance for someone who could only give 'maybe'. Sod her.

What?! She wants you to walk her kids to school as she will get too warm? Does she think you are the Iceman or something and heat doesnt affect you?!

I agree that the reason you are her only friend is because she treats people like shit! What else is on this list of hers?

Babysitting, collecting, taking, dump runs
Its just pure laziness if I'm honest

She has a DP with a vehicle too!

just tell her it's too late now no way would i fork out money for a flakey friend like that.

She doesn't sound like a very nice person. Does she have any redeeming qualities?

I would definitely tell her she needs to add her dc to the list no later than 48 hours and go to the venue and pay.

It sounds as if she only acts in her own self interest. She certain wouldn't be putting upon a woman, who's ill otherwise or creating her moe stress. She sounds a lot like my sil. I'm running in the opposite direction of people like this these days.

I suggest that on her birthday you buy her a dictionary because she seems to be confusing "friend" with "slave".

Cheeky bitch!

Repeat after me "No, I cant help you out this week" and "Because I cant"

Confused as to why you persist in inviting her when she cancels every year. Leave her off the invite list.

I agree with PP .

You have booked for those who replied and have planned for & bought the party bags etc for that number. Sorry but it's too late now.

I don't think you ought invite her DC again to parties (where you are paying per head) and problem is solved. Your DC can choose their own friends to invite. If next time she (rudely) asks why her DC isn't invited, just say DC chose who to invite and tbh that she doesn't normally seem that bothered as she never used to reply til too late and hasn't turned up a few times when you paid for places for her DC. I'd be inclined to frame it as a "i know you don't mean it but it makes it stressful for us, at a time i want to just enjoy DCs party, get the organising done and not worry about last minute changes or maybes" A good friend would be very apologetic and understanding, rather than defensive nor get upset with you.

As for the non reciprocated favours?! Is she ill or disabled and occasionally has an emergency she asks you to help out with? As that might be different, .... but if not, you're not her unpaid maid or nanny! Bear in mind you're also busy ... Just say no to those. "sorry i cant do that". If she persists in why you can't help her out, it's not unreasonable to reply that you don't want to feel like someone else's unpaid childcare, as you have your own family to focus on.

I'd not invite her next year tbh

Enjoy your DC's birthday! 🎂

Given the situation I'd go with "Oh great! The venue have let me know you can pay them directly, we'll look forward to seeing you there!" I wouldn't pay for her maybe but as she knows the venue allow additions up to 48 hours before, I feel like you don't have much other option

I wouldn't invite her to anything ever again. What a flaky pain in the ass. She's no friend of yours.

'Dear X, I'm really sorry but the party has been booked and paid for already, and unfortunately there are no more places (I did check with you first though) but as I never heard back I went ahead and finalised booking with the venue. So sorry

Please learn to start fucking this person off. She's not friend, just a user.

Why are you indulging this nonsense? You asked her four times if she was coming and she ignored you; now she's announced that she may grace you with her presence and you're running around trying to squeeze her in?
She'll do the same next year, you know. Because you let her.

Tough shit. She should have told you earlier. It's not like she didn't know you needed the numbers confirming!
Sounds like she was waiting about to see if she got a better offer or not.
Cannot be doing with people who faff about and can't be arsed to reply whether or not they are coming to kids parties, especially as they require money upfront and paid for. It's SO bloody rude.
Seriously, tell her "I'm sorry, it's too late now, I did tell you when I needed the numbers by."
What was she expecting you to do? Pay for her anyway just on the off chance that she may come (or may not?)
Screw that.

She knows the venue do this. I may just leave her to pay for herself, but from now on not offer at all...

Just seen this - well then, your answer's simple. You say nicely (it doesn't have to be anything "funny" about it") - "as you know, you can add people nearer to the time. As you're not sure whether you can or can't come or not, it'll be best if you go to the venue yourself and pay if you suddenly are available. That way there's no uncertainty.
Hopefully we'll see you there at party day, if not, hope you can make it next year." not

I'm kind of the only friend she has so somehow feel its my duty to be that only friend, if that makes sense

Yes, it makes perfect sense that she's down to her last friend. It's her responsibility to work out why that is which she'll do quicker if you don't rescue her!

I still have a list of non reciprocal favours via DF to get through, like walk their DC to school everyday as its too hot for DF to walk

WTF? Fuck oooooffffff!