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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A neighbours/ fence issue (sorry it's long!)

47 replies

VelvetSpoon · 18/04/2017 17:03

I've posted before that I don't get on with my neighbours. I don't like them, and the feeling is clearly mutual. This op is going to be mega long so i wont go into the backstory, unless people feel it's necessary? Their house (and garden) are quite small, as previously it was one larger house, like mine, but has been split into two. House size is relevant as they have a lot of children for such a small space, hence kids spend a lot of time unsupervised in the garden.

There is a pretty standard fence between our two gardens, wooden panels and concrete posts. A while back, one of the panels blew down. It is the panel where they seem to rest their bikes and also have a raised bed behind it, so it had become bowed. However as eventually my plan is to replace all the panels, bf and I fixed it temporarily and got it back up.

Before we did, Mr NDN put a snotty note on my door (sellotaped it on!) about how the panel was dangerous to his kids as it was leaning into their garden, blah blah. This annoyed me. I've not spoken to him since.

More recently, prob about a month ago, the panel blew down again, and it's now not really repairable. So I've left it. Panel is propped against my house, so nowhere near ndn house or garden. So I didn't expect them to have a problem...

Yesterday while I'm outside doing the garden one of the ndn kids tells me that her dad says I need to repair my fence(!). My response was if he's got something to say he can tell me himself.

He hasn't, but later when my bf arrived (we don't live together as ndn well know) ndn said to him the fence needed fixing! Bf replied that was for me to sort out and not his problem.

I am waiting for them now to tackle DS1 or 2 about it.

AIBU to think ndn should just get over it and wait? Am I missing something because he seems to me to be behaving like an entitled arse...the whole issue seems to be he doesn't want to supervise his kids in his own garden (they are often outside from 7.30-8, and always without a parent) but because they can get into my not kid friendly garden he or his wife now have to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
chocolatey123 · 18/04/2017 17:30

If the fence panel is posing a danger, you should either replace it or remove it. There is no obligation for you to supply a fence, but if your neighbour or one of his children is hurt by it, then you would be liable.

I do sympathise though. I'm not the biggest fan of my neighbours either (no kids but their garden is a dumping ground/scrapyard) and I have just put up a 6 ft fence around my garden. It has cost me about £1,500 but worth every penny for the privacy. If it bugs you that much and you can afford to I suggest you do the same, you will be much happier like me :-)

chocolatey123 · 18/04/2017 17:32

Sorry, just read that you can't afford to replace the whole fence. Fair enough, but remove the panel if it is dangerous.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 18/04/2017 17:37

Why would the kids need supervising in their own back garden??

Not sure how old they are but if old enough to have bikes, I don't understand why you care if they are supervised feels sure OP is implying something in code

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 18/04/2017 17:39

The panel is in various pieces propped against my house (it basically fell apart) so there's no risk of it falling on anyone. I need to either chop it up and burn it, or take it to the tip.

I should add no pond in my garden either.

OP posts:
chocolatey123 · 18/04/2017 17:45

Sorry, missed that bit as well - can I blame baby brain?

In that case I do not think you are obliged to do anything.

cricketballs · 18/04/2017 17:45

ILikeBeansWithKetchup - Why would the kids need supervising in their own back garden??

I was also wondering why that little snippet was in the op

Cubtrouble · 18/04/2017 17:46

Phone your local travis Perkins. They would deliver one panel. One regular fence panel £40 max.

That to me would be worth the quiet life.

Neighbour is a twat. But it's not your business if he lives in a small house with loads of kids. Maybe that's all he can afford. Get the fence done and move on. Don't wage a war you won't win

FrancisCrawford · 18/04/2017 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 18/04/2017 17:55

Get some cheap chicken wire and fix it to the existing posts/panels as a stop gap. His children shouldn't come into your garden anyway.

TheHouseOfIllRepute · 18/04/2017 18:00

Do it in your own time
If he wants a secure garden he can put his own fence up
All our fences are on our own land so we can decide what we have

RitaMills · 18/04/2017 18:03

Of course you should fix it but at a time and pace that suits you, if it's not a priority at the moment then it'll just have to wait.

I am I'm wondering the back story re the unsupervised comment, I never supervise DS(7) when he's out in the back garden. Confused

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 18/04/2017 18:04

The children are all aged under 8, 2 are pre schoolers, it's up to the parents what they do, but I didn't leave my children outside at 8am for hours at a time and certainly not at that age. Mainly because DS2 at that age was always climbing trees and I needed to keep an eye on him.

If I spent £40 on a fence panel I'd be doing it simply to keep him happy, and I don't see why he should bully me. I feel like he thinks his wishes are more important than mine!

I may just put up some chicken wire for now as I think i may have some somewhere.

OP posts:
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 18/04/2017 18:06

Oh, I've just remembered who you are!

About a month ago , you said you were going to put up a trellis or a six foot fence or plat bamboo ... what happened to that plan?? Seems like now would be a good time.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 18/04/2017 18:12

The plan is still to replace fence with a bigger one (and bamboo) but I've just not had time/ money.

OP posts:
ihatetosay · 18/04/2017 18:12

make him wait

emilybrontescorset · 18/04/2017 18:16

You don't have to do anything.
If he wants a secure garden for his DC then it is his responsibility to make it secure.
If i were you i would either call round or post a note explaining that you would like to replace the whole fence eventually, but for the foreseeable future will not be replacing missing panel.
If yes feels the need to replace the missing panel then please feel free to crack on.

8misskitty8 · 18/04/2017 18:19

You are not legally obliged to have a fence so all those saying she needs to fix it, no she doesn't. Op can't afford to replace the fence at this time.
If neighbour is so bothered about HIS children escaping HIS garden then he should get his own fence.

if his children have been leaning their bikes against the panel and they also have a flowerbeds raised and pushing in the panel then perhaps he should pay towards a new panel as it sounds like theses factors have contributed to the damage.

ThreeLeggedHaggis · 18/04/2017 18:24

YANBU. Fix it if and when you want to. If the neighbour wants it done quicker, he can pay for it. Bloody cheek!

MatildaTheCat · 18/04/2017 18:27

I would be a bit concerned that one of their DC could enter your property and injure themselves and have them sue you. They have asked you to repair it and you don't want to. However, it does need doing.

Use a local website to ask for recommendations for a local handyman to fix it for you or even approach the neighbour and offer to buy a panel if he would do the repair? Surely you'd prefer to be on better terms?

steppemum · 18/04/2017 18:31

as 8misskitty8 says, you are not legally obliged to have a fence.

You could choose to have no fence there at all, or grow a prickly rose hedge instead.

If he needs to have a secure garden due to a dog or small children, then he has to make his own garden secure.

he is entitled to having secure, safe fences. - this is bollocks. If you want the boundary of your property secure, then you have to secure it yourself.

BUT in terraced gardens where every house is responsible for eg the left hand fence, it is pretty much accepted that it is neighbourly to repair your fence in a timely manner.
It is not at all unreasonble to leave it until you have time/money to do it. (the fence came down between us and our neighbour and it took us both 6 months to fix it - jointly responsible)

The thing is, what you would do in normal circumstances is being completely clouded by the fact that you don't like each other, and you are firing verbal shots across each others bows at the moment.

Get off your high horse, and give a breezy, non agressive comment to the NDN - 'haven't got the time or money at the moment to repair it, hope to do it at half term.'

FrancisCrawford · 18/04/2017 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usernumbernine · 18/04/2017 18:59

Surely the kids would be trespassing anyway? Since they don't have OP permission to be in her garden.

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