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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure how this should be dealt with

53 replies

homebytheriver · 17/04/2017 20:24

A teenage girl has been asking to come in and saying that she lived in this house with her mum who has since died. Feel so sorry for her but AIBU to not be totally comfortable?

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 17/04/2017 21:05

Where is she now? Stood on the doorstep?

timeisnotaline · 17/04/2017 21:05

If she actually seems about 17, and you know it's the same girl I'd let her in. Why not?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 17/04/2017 21:07

Is she upset, or acting strangely ?
Maybe, seeing as though she is genuine, you could ask her to come round in the day time, for coffee.
Bit late now, times getting on.

Goldfishjane · 17/04/2017 21:11

I don't let strangers into my home. Do you live with someone? That's a bit different but śtill...I'm in London though....

Littledrummergirl · 17/04/2017 21:12

Someone rocked up on my doorstep once saying he used to live here. He had a flash car and mentioned how well he had done for himself since leaving several times during our conversation.
I said "that's nice" quite a lot and shut the door fairly quickly. I felt very uncomfortable as this may have been where he once lived but it is now our home and he had no right to intrude.
My visitor was older so should have understood better and not come knocking. Yours is young and may still be grieving so perhaps doesn't understand that she is unlikely to gain closure from entering your home. I would gently refuse.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/04/2017 21:18

I would let her come in, but I'd arrange a time when someone else was there too, just in case she gets very upset or refuses to leave.

She's a teen that's lost her Mum & wants to see/be in her childhood home, some of you are heartless.

FirstSeemItThenBeIt · 17/04/2017 21:18

Wow, some heartless responses. Would it really be so awful to stick the kettle on and let the poor girl reminisce for 15 minutes? She's a bereaved child.

previously1474etc · 17/04/2017 21:20

I had an old chap turn up at our last house, he had lived there as a boy and was reminiscing, told me which was his bedroom and what was there before the garage was built. I didn't let him in though. I took his phone no. but never got around to doing anything about it and then we moved. I still feel bad about it.

AllTearsFlowFromLove · 17/04/2017 21:21

If I'd never met her before I'd be dubious about letting her in. If you know she's genuine though I'd let her come in and give her a cuppa. I probably wouldn't let it be a regular thing (bit like feeding a cat) but once won't hurt.

Crapuccino · 17/04/2017 21:21

Weird thing for a seventeen year old to ask unless she has some very unusual and compelling reasons, e.g. her mother died there. I'd be gently declining, without excuses or reasons. It would weird me out. But then, I'm weirded out by hairy carrots, so my judgement is probably not average.

PeaFaceMcgee · 17/04/2017 21:22

Of course let her in, and get over yourself.

deliverdaniel · 17/04/2017 21:23

wow! really surprised at the responses here. It's a bereaved child that you know to be genuine. you really can't spare her 10 mins in her childhood home?

AllTearsFlowFromLove · 17/04/2017 21:28

@crapuchino hairy carrots are weird

228agreenend · 17/04/2017 21:28

I wouldn't let her in.

Can you contact her dad, and then maybe arrange for them all to come together?

She may be disappointed as you will have the house different to,her memories.

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/04/2017 21:28

YANBU to not be totally comfortable. But YWouldBU to let your discomfort stop you from being kind to a young person who's recently lost one of the most important people in her life.

Feel awkward for a little while. It's temporary. It won't harm you.

HermioneJeanGranger · 17/04/2017 21:30

Some of these responses are awful.

She's 17, you know she used to live there and she's just lost her mum! Why on earth would you not let her in? Poor kid.

zen1 · 17/04/2017 21:32

My dad drove past his old childhood home from the 1940s/50s a few years ago (in his 60s) and got out to have a look. The people who currently live there invited him in to have a look round. He was made up!

Amy64321 · 17/04/2017 21:35

Id let her in but would feel a little bit uncomfortable.

My df died when I was in my teens and I always think about knocking on my childhood door and his house, just to see what its like now. I have never built the courage up to do so and after this thread I don't think I ever will Sad

Religionorno · 17/04/2017 21:39

Don't do it. Loads of fake stories to gain entrance (police officer husband) round our way currently. One didn't work, the youngish man therefore pushed over the very frail pensioner to burgle the house while the bed bound wife lay helpless as he ransacked her jewellery box. Girl could be total kosher, but how do you know?

Funnyfarmer · 17/04/2017 21:49

I often think about asking to go and look at my childhood home. I'm always looking for it to go on the market so I can go for a nosy. I don't know why. I think it might help peace together childhood memories.
Maybe it might help her feel close to who ever she's lost. You clearly want to help otherwise you wouldn't have posted. Could you arrange a time/date for a visit and ask a friend to be in house instead of you if it makes you feel uncomfortable. And just make it clear it's a one off.

Goldfishjane · 17/04/2017 21:50

Regardless of whether you let her in now or later at a fixed time...change the locks.

HermioneJeanGranger · 17/04/2017 21:51

OP knows who she is - she was living there when they bought the house!

cluelessjane · 17/04/2017 21:55

The song "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert is perfect for this situation

NameChangeInCasePeopleRecogn · 17/04/2017 22:00

I'm a cold hearted bitch, but I would let her in. I think since you know she's genuine it would be odd not to.

Woody67 · 17/04/2017 22:02

An elderly man knocked on my door a while ago. He had lived in my house as a young lad for a few years during the war. He had a look round, got all nostalgic and told us a lot of history about the place which was lovely. That said, he was 80 odd so if he'd tried to nick anything it wouldn't have been a very fast getaway!