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to expect my DH to defend me to his family

9 replies

AlanasMum · 10/03/2007 16:51

We recently visited my DH's family and whilst we we're there they were v rude to me and on one occasion threatened me. Whilst we all knew that it was an empty threat (the sil in question wouldn't manage to kill me if her life depended on it) I was really upset because no-one told her off or said anything. I have spent the last 7 years taking no end of shite from his family and have finally snapped.
I want him to tell his mum that I'm really upset with the way his sisters were with me and to request them to be civil (if nice isn't an option)and if they can't I've told him my dd & I aren't going to visit any more and they have to travel over here if they want to see her. but we have just spent the last 3 weeks arguing about it he finally accept they weren't nice but this morning his mum rang and it was the perfect opportunity to bring it up and he didn't. he came up with shamefull excuses why not and I have just flipped my lid at him talking about leaving him (won't happen but I want him to see how much this is upsetting me.)

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 10/03/2007 16:57

Yes, he should have defended you.
DH and I had a similar issue (not with any threats, but with his mother being VERY unkind) just after the birth of our first child.
After a couple of weeks he stepped up and did the right thing.
I was absolutely devastated that he might not do though, and it was a very difficult time.
I hope your DH finds his voice.


AlanasMum · 10/03/2007 16:59

THanks I'm so angry with him and me for letting it affect our relationship so much But I think until today he thought I'd just forget it eventually. His excuse for saying nothing at the time was that he was 'keeping the peace' pah!

OP posts:

robbosmum · 10/03/2007 17:00

All men are the same (oh broad generalisation here) when it comes to their mothers, no matter how crap they were brought up, ie lacko f motherly support etc, just think how many mistakes you can make with your children and they will still love and defend you. You will never force him to go against his mother/family, but you can refuse to accept their bad manners an dbehaviour by not going


AlanasMum · 10/03/2007 17:15

I was worried I was being too severe by refusing to go back, but they live in ireland and it's such a pain to go there as it is and they seem to make no allowances for that. When they are soo shitty I just can't see the point

OP posts:

robbosmum · 10/03/2007 17:23

arent webcams fab!!!!1


AlanasMum · 10/03/2007 17:40


OP posts:

J20BABY · 10/03/2007 17:51

think robbosmum is hinting you get a webcam instead of so many visits, you can switch them off


AlanasMum · 10/03/2007 17:56

ahhhh I'm there now. Having bad day and brain not functioning so well with the red mist. definitely think that's a good idea. He can call that her mothers day present.

OP posts:

mummylin2495 · 10/03/2007 18:02

yes he should defend you but i suppose he dosent want to upset his mum either .difficult but i understand what you mean.i agree with the webcam idea.

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