We have three DC: 2.5yo and 9 month twins. DH works and travels every two weeks, and I take care of DC. I was doing freelance work up until twin DCs were 4 months with some childcare, but a money crisis led us to take traditional roles (as DH earnt more than me) with him stepping up his work and me becoming a full time SAHM.
While I love being with the DC i am the kind of person who needs to work. A halfway house like we had before was my perfect solution: Some hours to work each week where we have some childcare (maybe 4 hours of childcare a day during the week) but then have the rest of the time with the DC.
Right now I am 24:7 with the DC, and have no break, even when DH is around. He will deny it but DH just does not help with childcare at all when he is not working and never did before either. I do everything, including night wakings, am still BF-ing 9mo's (one of whom is feeding 4-5 times a day) and our lives are very separate because even when he is in the house he is not actively partaking in any of the childcare. He does however do about 50% of the housework.
After overcoming the money crisis, we now have some money to get a little bit of childcare. Maybe something along the lines of 3x3 hours per week from a nanny. Which is actually not much. For me this means going back as much as I can to the arrangement I had before, where I worked in the hours I had free from the DC. For my own psychological survival.
But DH believes that this time, if we get it, should be spent him and I doing things together to reconnect. Like going out, going to the cinema, "having sex." FFS.
It's true we are not very connected, but that really is because he does not acknowledge I have absolutely no personal time at all and that he could help with that by taking care of the DC an hour or two a week and letting me have a lie down. But yet he expects the first personal time i get should be focused on him and our relationship. It makes my blood boil to even think about it.But am I being unreasonable about it?