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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say bless you to strangers?!

82 replies

Imknackeredzzz · 17/04/2017 07:47

I'm starting to wonder if this is just me being over polite, or am I going against etiquette.

A couple of times recently I've been out and about and someone has sneezed. If I am nearby I've instinctively said "bless you" without really thinking.

recently I've been getting strange looks from people for doing this. Is this now a really odd thing to do?! I always was brought up to do this and assumed it was the polite thing to do.

Please advise me if I shouldn't be doing this, or should you just say "bless you" to those you know?! Or not at all

I'm confused

OP posts:

girlandboy · 17/04/2017 19:26

It is rude to say it Why on earth is it rude? Please explain because I don't understand that in the slightest. Being told to fuck off is rude, but not bless you!

girlandboy · 17/04/2017 19:26

It is rude to say it Why on earth is it rude? Please explain because I don't understand that in the slightest. Being told to fuck off is rude, but not bless you!

nothercupoftea · 17/04/2017 20:32

because loud sneezes or loudly blowing your nose in public, or anything like that, are ill-mannered, so any comment is an implicit blame that the sneezer was too loud. Both equally rude, even if the words are not insulting by themselves. You don't have to use swear words to be rude.

LivingInMidnight · 17/04/2017 20:44

Loud sneezes are ill mannered? It's not something you have control over! I don't know anyone that does a sarcastic 'bless you', they're always just being polite. I think there's some projection going on.

I say it, but I got a bollocking from someone I had just started working with, along with a rant about him not believing in demons. It was actually a great sign that I wasn't going to enjoy working with him.

Beeziekn33ze · 17/04/2017 20:53

Waiting by door to get off local train. Two separate young men also waiting, fairly dour looking, one sneezed. I sort of automatically said 'bless you' hastily followed by 'Oops, that was automatic, sorry' said with a big beam but in fact both were smiling already.

counterpoint · 17/04/2017 20:58

If in the UK, British values rule!

Bless everyone and they can piss off if they don't like it.

nothercupoftea · 17/04/2017 21:02

Loud sneezes are ill mannered?

well yes, and loudly blowing your nose. I was even taught that at school, let alone at home. I am not sure why you have to imagine some "projection" on the subject. At least you try to be quiet, and you do not bring attention to someone who just sneezed.

It's not offensive to say "bless you", no more than it's offensive to use your cutlery the wrong way round. It's just bad manners, but no one will comment on that.

SpreadYourHappiness · 17/04/2017 21:21

counterpoint I'm British and my values say it's rude. So whose values rule in that situation?

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 17/04/2017 21:22

Bless you is polite, and has its roots in wishing people good health from the days of Black Death as it was one of the first symptoms. Absolutely nothing rude about it at all.

If people are going to get the hump over it then they've got far bigger problems than a sneeze

(I give up and smile by the time they've got to a third in short succession)

cunningartificer · 17/04/2017 21:36

An Irish fairy tale I remember from a child explained that if you sneezed three times and no-one said bless you, you could get stolen by fairies. It's about a wedding where the fairy prince wants to steal the bride. The Bride in the story is made to sneeze three times, the guests are all too polite to interrupt the ceremony to say bless you as they should , she is only saved by a servant girl who says bless you in time to rescue her. Hence I feel compelled to say it if someone sneezes thrice . I believe the custom originated as when you sneeze you stop breathing.... saying "bless you" made sure you started again! I think it's a charming custom and raises a smile in my experience

counterpoint · 17/04/2017 22:19

Never ever heard it said that it's rude to say bless you.
Maybe British values have eroded faster in some towns than others.

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 17/04/2017 22:28

I think it's the drawing attention to, not the words, that could possibly be considered rude.

I don't think it's rude but I do try to block my sneezes. Occasionally though one takes me by surprise. So I would be a bit embarrassed to be blessed!

bunnylove99 · 17/04/2017 22:39

Yanbu OP. It's polite to say 'bless you' when someone sneezes. It harks back to a time when sneezing could indicate the onset of serious illness and you would be offering up a little prayer asking God to keep the person well. I don't understand how anybody could find that rude.

Hogs · 17/04/2017 23:05

It's possibly related to the plague, but we say "bless you" because when we sneeze, the devil apparently pops out of our noses. When the person closest to you says "bless you", it stops him getting back in - for he is sure to fly staight back up a nostril.
So, it's not rude at all! It's part of our folklore/cultural memory

PidgeonSpray · 17/04/2017 23:36

I don't even like it when people I know say it to me. Hate them bringing attention to it and then the awkward "thank you " whilst desperately checking I haven't got snot everywhere

SpreadYourHappiness · 18/04/2017 00:37

counterpoint What utter bollocks.

StrumpersPlunkett · 18/04/2017 00:40

I always say it to strangers children when we are in class anyone anywhere

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/04/2017 00:46

I don't even like it when people I know say it to me. Hate them bringing attention to it and then the awkward "thank you " whilst desperately checking I haven't got snot everywhere

I agree. I think it is extremely rude. What on earth is the point supposed to be ? You have just noticed someone you don't know has sneezed? Why point that out? There is nothing polite about it.

NabobsFromNobHill · 18/04/2017 00:48

It's not rude or offensive, but it is weird. Why acknowledge sneezes? Why not say "well done" if someone farts in public, its no different?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/04/2017 00:48

It harks back to a time when sneezing could indicate the onset of serious illness and you would be offering up a little prayer asking God to keep the person well. I don't understand how anybody could find that rude

I suggest you read the thread then. I don't believe in a god and I certainly don't need a passing stranger invoking the intercession of their god.

KC225 · 18/04/2017 01:46

I have always done it and only ever got smiles and thank yous. Not religious and not foisting any intercession on anyone

user1491572121 · 18/04/2017 01:49

I always say it too OP and if I sneeze and nobody says "bless you" then I feel slightly put out and a bit sad.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 18/04/2017 06:24

OP,

I'm another one who says it automatically; simply due to force of habit.

Slightly awkward experience in Sainsbury's once:

Heard someone appearing from round next aisle having sneezing fit.

Called out "Bless you!", accidentally over-loudly.

Died a million deaths, when clocked the dog collar .

Random elderly priest thought it v. amusing, fortunately.

ChasedByBees · 18/04/2017 06:58

I'm quite sad people find this rude. To me, it's a simple shorthand for 'hope you are well'. A nice gesture and acknowledgement of another person (rather than just their sneeze!)

Strigoi · 18/04/2017 07:02

I said bless you to a guy in the supermarket who sneezed. He said thank you, but then his kid aged about five started questioning why a strange woman was talking to him and why I had said it. It was quite funny.

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