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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another wedding one - WIBU?

66 replies

MoistestJoist · 17/04/2017 01:29

Yes, it's a long one Blush

A work colleague (A) invited me and a fellow colleague (B) along to her wedding in France. Although I was a bit concerned about the cost/taking time off work, I said yes. We all met when we started working for the same company at the same time. I considered them both friends - though A and B were closer to each other, while I considered B a closer friend than A.

The wedding venue was in the middle of nowhere, and B and I found some nearby accommodation - two cottages set in half an acre of land, about a twenty minute drive from the wedding venue. Each cottage had two rooms, but as the second rooms had bunk beds, we decided to book a cottage each so we could each have a double room/bed. Neither of us particularly wanted to share a cottage (or sleep in a bunk bed) and were happy to shell out extra and make it a bit of a weekend away for us both so as to justify it. We would arrive on Friday and leave on Sunday, with the traditional wedding taking place on Friday evening and the white wedding on Saturday. There were no local taxi companies, but the landlady of the cottages arranged for a local homeowner to ferry us around between the airport, cottages, church and chateau (as neither B nor I had valid driving licences to hire a car).

Beforehand, A was expecting a special delivery from the States and asked me to bring it along with me (as it wouldn't arrive before she flew out), which I agreed to. She didn't want to ask B as she apparently didn't trust her to say yes or bring it. I thought of this as slightly odd, but didn't say anything. When the package arrived at our office, it was bigger than expected but I assumed this was down to overzealous packaging. When I got home and opened it, it turned out that the contents (wedding decorations) had not been packed properly and exploded in the box. I spent the entire night before my flight repackaging the entire thing (wrapping up each individual item with bubble wrap and tinfoil to keep them from exploding all over again). It also took up a whole suitcase, so it meant that I had to pay for extra luggage. No matter - the time and effort spent repackaging was a bit annoying, but I was happy to pay for it/take it with me - I certainly didn't ask A for money to cover it and even told her not to think about it as I was more than happy to help her out.

After a horrid journey (issues at the London airport with B not having checked in properly, me having to deal with a work emergency so was on calls all morning right up until takeoff, and a loooong ride to the cottages from the local airport), B and I arrived at the cottages. The landlady (lovely woman!) showed us around. As we were settling in, she then informed us that A had called her (not us!) before we arrived to book her wedding photographer (who was arriving later that evening) into one of the cottages for the weekend. By the way, A already knew that we had booked the place, but (having overlooked/forgotten to make any arrangements for her photographer) told the landlady to tell us to share one cottage, and offer the photographer the other, or for one of us to share with the photographer. No messages to either of us, or even a text, to ask if this was ok (let alone an offer to pay/reimburse us). A had a whole chateau for the wedding party, but clearly didn't want the photographer sharing with her/groom/family/bridesmaids. She also had other friends staying in separate accommodation on the chateau grounds, but didn't ask them either (or perhaps had tried to and was turned down).

B and I thought the landlady must have misunderstood and B asked me to call A, as neither of us were particularly keen to share with the other or with a stranger, especially having paid extra to have the place to ourselves. When I got through to A and tried to ask what was going on, she said that she was at her wedding ceremony rehearsal and didn't have time to deal with this - there was apparently nowhere else in the village that could accommodate the photographer and she accused me of being selfish for not wanting to share, and hung up the phone on me. Even though both B and I were annoyed/upset, B and I discussed and eventually agreed to share a cottage together, and let the photographer have the other.

As I tried to call A back to say it was fine and I would share with B, she and B were also texting each other without my knowledge (apparently, B made no mention to A that she also didn't want to share), and A then asked B to come stay with her in the chateau and let the photographer have her cottage, to which B (keen to stay in a lovely chateau, it would appear, rather than share a cottage with me or the photographer) agreed - her excuse to me being that, although we had planned the weekend together and she had agreed to share with me, she couldn't possibly say no to A's invitation as A "desperately needed her" Hmm

B and I later got a ride to the chateau that evening for the traditional wedding (the white wedding was the following day) and as we stepped out, were "greeted" outside by the mother of the groom, who (without even saying hello) informed me that I was not to upset the bride further and curtly asked me to carry over and leave the suitcase with wedding decorations at the bottom of the stairs, while throwing her arms around B, inviting her into the chateau, thanking her profusely for "being such a good friend" and offering to show her to her room upstairs, with B lapping it up saying how of course she had come when A so clearly needed her ...

I felt very much persona non grata that night. When I tried to politely ask the MOH for a number for a taxi to head back to the cottage after the traditional wedding (B, who was now nowhere to be found, had sorted out the drive to the chateau and apparently not told the driver to come back to pick me up, even though I had asked her to), the MOH told me I should have thought about that before and would have to figure it out by myself, before turning her back on me. There were no local taxi numbers online and it would have taken over an hour on foot walking over unlit and unmarked private farmland (or longer walking the unlit roads) to get back. In desperation, I rang the landlady of the cottages who kindly came to pick me up herself (as our driver was in all likelihood already asleep).

Despite being upset at what felt like a bit of a ruined weekend, I still went along to the white wedding the next day and smiled and was sociable throughout the whole thing. Although I had this time arranged a ride back to the cottages, the photographer kindly gave me a lift back that night (and, on the plus side, he turned out to be a great guy and an even better drinking partner Grin)

When I stopped off at the chateau the next day to pick up B en route to the airport, A came downstairs to say goodbye and handed me an envelope of cash to cover the cost of bringing her wedding decorations over. I hadn't asked to be paid for it, and it just felt like a pointed gesture after everything that had happened, and left a bit of a sour taste.

This happened some time ago, but I've just been invited to another wedding in France (a childhood friend's), which has brought it all flooding back. So, MN jury, who was being unreasonable? I've genuinely wavered between thinking:

(a) IWBU - I should have been a bigger person/better friend by just letting it go and agreeing to share in the first place, versus

(b) AWBU - I can't believe someone (bride notwithstanding) would book a stranger into a friend's paid-for accommodation without even asking/telling them, versus

(c) BWBU - I can't believe B managed to come out of it all smelling like roses! Grin

OP posts:
flumpybear · 17/04/2017 08:42

That's awful - clearly friend B was being a butch I'd love to know what she text to the bride!!
Re the other wedding - I'd go without a worry, completely different circumstances

BaggyCheeks · 17/04/2017 08:45

Fucking hell! They were being the unreasonable ones, of course!

This is why I hate big weddings - it just turns into a stressful sideshow because everything has to be OK! magazine photoshoot perfect. And after it all, regardless of how much money was spent or how many relationships have been damaged, they're no more married than anyone else.

Underthemoonlight · 17/04/2017 08:46

They were unreasonable I wouldn't have went back the next day after that behaviour TBH. Friend B let you fire the shots here and you ended up being the one who took all the blame. I hope your not friends with them anymore.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/04/2017 08:49

Fuck, literally the only one in the wedding set up NOT being an arsehole was you! (And the photographer, feel for him too).

Thank goodness you had a lovely landlady so the whole thing wasn't even worse than it could have been - and you know what, even though the bride was being pointed by giving you money, at least you weren't left out of pocket for her stupid decorations, so - bonus!

God. What a horrible situation. And B sounds like a right underhanded cow.

BalloonSlayer · 17/04/2017 08:52

Ooh what a pair of cows!

What does come across is how nice the local people were where you stayed though. Hang on to that!

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/04/2017 08:52

So are you still friends with these two bitches? Surely not. And yes, I want to know if you got up to anything with the photographer.

DevilsDumplings · 17/04/2017 08:58

ninja' I think I felt duped when I got near the end and read 'this happened some time ago'.

For what it's worth op is better off without the work colleagues 'friendships'. Genuine friends don't do that to each other.

LagunaBubbles · 17/04/2017 09:01

Hope you're not friends with them still OP! And don't listen to the rude posters making comments, wtaf is wrong with you? No-one forces you to read threads, it's not compulsory, to make sarky comments about the length of them is utterly pathetic.

Bantanddec · 17/04/2017 09:02

B is the dick, she manipulated the bride over text behind your back.

haveacupoftea · 17/04/2017 09:07

A and B are arseholes, as are the people commenting on the length of your thread.

HowSmug · 17/04/2017 09:09

Are you still friends with them?

FumBluff1 · 17/04/2017 09:11

You did nothing wrong here. Awful behaviour on both A&B part. What bitches!

VERY unreasonable of the bride to insist her photographer have one of the cottages you have booked and paid for, what a joke!

YANBU! xx

JaneEyre70 · 17/04/2017 09:13

I honestly avoid weddings like the plague as I just think they bring out the worst in people. How women get so caught up in the details of ONE day in their lives is completely and utterly beyond me.

Reading your story OP, I think both your friends were very poorly mannered in this. If you'd paid for that accomodation, it was yours and yours alone to decide to offer out to someone else. I really hope you're not having to work with either still!!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/04/2017 09:17

Bride madness or not, it's bloody rude to NOT contact the 2 people staying in the cottages, but just to tell the owner of the cottages to change the arrangements! It would probably have worked out very differently if she had contacted the OP and friend B and said "fuck, I've got nowhere for the photographer to stay, PLEASE can you let him stay in one of the cottages, there's nowhere else within miles?"
That would have then allowed the OP and friend B to discuss it before it was a fait accompli and to feel magnanimous in agreeing to it - instead they were left feeling really shit about it.

Unless of course the bride HAD contacted friend B, and told her that she could come and stay at the chateau if it turned out to be a problem, PRIOR to the OP finding out about it.

SoupDragon · 17/04/2017 09:18

How on earth did you get a suitcase full of little tin foil packets through airport security?

photograph · 17/04/2017 09:36

I can't help laughing at a bride who chooses a beautiful castle for her wedding in France, but have (too nice) friends bring a suitcase of tat to decorate. Grin

MrFMercury · 17/04/2017 09:41

This is the sort of behaviour that makes me hate weddings too.
They both treated you very badly and I sincerely hope you distanced yourself from both of them when you were back at work.

Tinkerbec · 17/04/2017 09:44

B sounds like a right shit stirring B.

I imagined her texting winding A right up. Not making excuses for A but she was probably stressed being unreasonable on her wedding day.

I imagine the text to go something like this.

" can't believe it. She is moaning again. Will not do anyone a favour. Cottages are more than big enough for 3. She just likes to moan. She was moaning at the airport about the cost of an extra bag. Think I may go crazy listening to her"

Wind the bobbin up........

BaggyCheeks · 17/04/2017 09:49

Soupdragon In hold luggage?

RiseToday · 17/04/2017 09:57

Both 'friends' are total bitches. I would have left after being shunned on the first night!!

OhhBetty · 17/04/2017 09:59

They all sound like cunts apart from the photographer! I hope you're not still friends with them!

UppityHumpty · 17/04/2017 10:04

You can get the measure of a person about how they treat their friends and family under stress. Both of your friends were cunts, and you should have been far more vocal after the wedding tbh. I personally would have insisted on a refund of the accomodation too & then cut the bitches off.

Don't let it ruin the new wedding though. Different friends

Asmoto · 17/04/2017 10:06

I agree with Tinkerbec. B got you to do the dirty work of complaining about the photographer, while (it seems) texting away in the background to disassociate herself from any bad feeling. A doesn't come out of this marvellously - she hasn't really considered the effort and expense you went to to be part of her big day - but has rather more mitigating circumstances.

KC225 · 17/04/2017 10:13

The bride must have known that you had booked separate cottages for a reason. I think she behaved appallingly. Fancy booking a strange man into a cottage to be a lone woman. Friend B is a right piece of work too.

I would have dumped the decorations, left and left a hell of a message on the day for that precious bridezilla. A frothy dress in a foreign country does not absolve you of manners, thought and care

Please tell us you gave A and B what for before dumping them and then had a passionate fling with photographer.

NotMyPenguin · 17/04/2017 10:47

Both of them sound horrible and selfish!

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