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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for some support regarding cold turkey with dummies!!!!

45 replies

Germansausage88 · 16/04/2017 20:02

DD is 3 but very mature 3 year old. She still has a dummy. Totally my fault for leaving her with it this long, I had a dummy myself till I was 10!! I missed out a lot because I couldn't go to sleepovers, had embarrassing moments where my friends found it under my pillow etc. So I've decided it's time for DD to give it up.

I tried the whole cutting it down method but it didn't work - she would still whinge for it when she was tired and always ask for it before bed. I tried the dummy fairy - she wasn't having any of it even though I persevered with stories, YouTube videos etc.

So I've decided to go cold turkey with her yesterday. Last night she had a god almighty tantrum which lasted about an hour and eventually wore herself from screaming and fell asleep. Woke up this morning feeling proud of herself, hasn't asked for it all day but tonight again we've had a tantrum - she's still up there screaming now. I'm crying down here and I'm buckling.

Please someone tell me what to do!!! AIBU to make her go cold turkey???

OP posts:

gfw01 · 16/04/2017 20:38

Keep at it! You're on night 2, almost there. Dreading this.

LittleCandle · 16/04/2017 20:39

Hang in there. When I worked at Build A Bear, we had a wee girl come in who was getting a bear in exchange for giving up her dummies. She had them in a bag and handed them over to us at the till. Mum popped her head in a few days later to say that had done the trick! So if you do cave tonight, and please don't, this sort of thing might be an option for your second try?

trilbydoll · 16/04/2017 20:40

DD woke up screaming in the middle of the night for 3 nights, it was horrific! But then, it stopped, and no more was I spending my nights frantically searching white bedding for a white dummy it'll be worth it, hang in there!

Iamcoolok · 16/04/2017 20:43

poking a hole in the dummy makes it feel really bad and they tend to stop.

BanjoPier · 16/04/2017 20:46

When DD was 3 we had a dentist appointment. Dentist noticed overbite and said to DD " You're a big girl now, I only want to have the dummy at night". Much to my shame she was having it when grumpy during the day or when she was upset over something and inconsolable without it. She was one of those children that had a dummy in her mouth, one in each hand and one under the pillow at bedtime. We came out of the dentist and she never asked for it again. I could have kissed him!

Musicaltheatremum · 16/04/2017 20:48

My daughter didn't use a dummy(wouldn't, I tried) my son used his until he was 3. Our nanny babysat one night and said "X up you're a big boy now and don't need a dummy" he was as good as gold for her. Next night."I want my dummy, I need it when 'nanny' isn't here" told him she had taken it away to give to someone who needed it more (ewww) he soon gave up.

Cutesbabasmummy · 16/04/2017 20:53

Cold turkey with my son at about 25 months old. I was working late and my mum and dad put him to bed leaving my hubby to read a story to him. They all forgot the dummy and he didn't ask for it. After that he asked for it on and off but as he called them.mum mums I just kept saying "Yes Mummy's here!". That was it. We never went back on it. When he's tired and has been at nursery he looks fir some in his bag but of course there aren't any. Stick with it! Xx

Spaghettihead1 · 16/04/2017 23:02

Don't go back on what you're doing so far, you'll just ruin what you've done and confuse her making it harder and more upsetting for you all. Stick with it.
When it came time for my Ds to give up his dummy my Dad told me of his little trick to get me off mine.
I think I was 3 at the time, and very attached to my dummy. A few weeks before my parents took it away, they told me that when I get too old for them they would taste nasty.
They kept reminding me of this every few days.
One evening they painted my collection of dummies with the bitter tasting nail varnish used to help stop nail biters.
They said it worked a treat and I never bothered with a dummy again.

00100001 · 17/04/2017 14:53

How did last night go OP?

thatorchidmoment · 17/04/2017 16:02

My friend took her dd(3) to John Lewis and let her choose a doll, in exchange for handing her dummy to the lady at the till. That worked a treat: maybe an option as you say she is pretty mature and would probably understand the exchange?

FATEdestiny · 17/04/2017 16:11

We let DS pick anyyhing he wanted from the Argos catalogue, with a £30 budget. He spent hours choosing the best way to spend this £30.

Then we said he could have said toy as soon as he had done 7 nights in a row without a dummy.

Then we waited. No pressure to stop using the dummy that night. It didn't need to be straight away. Next week/month/term was fine by us. He just need to let us know when he was ready...

That night DS chose to not to have a dummy.

Entirely empowered him with the decision. Any wobbles, I just said: yes he could have the dummy back but that meant no special toy. Did he still want the dummy? It then continued to empower his own decision, not mine.

No battles
No tears
No upset

My DS was older though, he was 4. I knew he was now old enough to sleep without a comforter of any kind.

PersisFord · 17/04/2017 16:16

mrsjayy I think so!!! The thought of me sitting in there every night droning on about the worlds most tedious princess was too much!!

FixItUpChappie · 17/04/2017 16:17

I told our son it was broken, showed him the hole I put in it and he was upset but also seemed to understand that, well, it's broken. Few delayed nights of not having bought a new one yet and that was it - he forgot about it and we switched to praise for being such a big boy and not needing it any more.

Limitededition7inch · 17/04/2017 16:22

Ours gave up on his 3rd birthday. Screamed absolute blue murder (he said he didn't like his birthday because of the naughty dummy fairy) for a couple of days and then as others have said forgot about it. You'll be fine and so will she.

Funnyface1 · 17/04/2017 16:25

When my DS got to two we just stopped as i felt that was as old as he should be. By that time he only had it for sleep, never during day. He fussed a bit but adapted well. The key is consistency, you are in charge. Stick with it, you're doing the right thing, three is too old.

PeppaTheFirst · 18/04/2017 23:57

Poor you and your little one. I also have a mature 3 year old and she gave up her dummies a few weeks ago. I was dreading this but it went fine. I planted the seed months ago and told her that she was getting bigger and when she was 4 she wouldn't have dummy anymore. When she asked why, I told her the dentist said dummies were only for baby teeth (she has a couple of books about the tooth fairy) and her dummies would be taken away to be made into new dummies for the babies. Over the course of a few months, she would announce out of the blue she was putting a dummy in the bin because she was a big girl (she had a stock of 5). Each time I praised her but also kept repeating that Mummy was not buying anymore and if she chose to put them in the bin there would be none left and she would have to sleep without. She got down to her last dummy and just put it in the bin at the end of March! I was gobsmacked and worried all day. For the next couple of nights she would say 'I will miss my dummy' but that's all. She did take longer to go to sleep the first few nights, but was just restless not upset. Extra stories and cuddles was all that was required. She loved her dummy, but also has a cuddly toy she takes to bed too so that helps. I hope this story gives hope rather than seeming like a stealth-boast. I think it was the fact that she had control and was choosing that made it easier for her. I never once asked her to throw out the dummy - she chose each time (once she just announced she put two in the bin at the same time!) Maybe a gentler approach over a few months might work? Other friends though have gone cold turkey and they say 3 days max!! Either would be worth a try. Good luck.xx

anotherBadAvatar · 19/04/2017 00:14

3 days max cold turkey?!! Pah!

I'm on fucking night 5 and it's like having a newborn again. She just won't stay asleep, but I'm not bloody caving this far in now!!

LadyWhoLikesLunch · 19/04/2017 00:37

I apparently gave my parents hell with dummies and was almost at school when then finally managed to get rid of the last one. I had the dummy the fairy however unfortunately for my parents everytime they got rid of one I'd just appear with another one from some hidden stash I had. My younger brother had to give up his at the same time cause I would steal his and he wasn't as fussed as me.

gingerpusscat · 19/04/2017 00:45

DS is nearly 3. First night dummyless was Sunday. Took him 4 hours to get to sleep. Didn't ask for it, just incredibly restless. Easter Bunny took the dummies for the little babies. Last night asleep at 7.15. Usually asleep before 7. We're getting there!

mermaidsandunicorns · 19/04/2017 00:51

My ds1 had a dummy we got rid of them in the end by saying he must have left his dummy at grandmas. He never asked for it again.

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