To have told a woman this was horrible even though she was a customer and we're not supposed to say anything?

[zukiecat]

I work in my local shop, I do a few hours each week

The shop is the only one really in the area that sells everything so most of the customers are regulars (and friends)

Not far away is a kind of residential unit for people who have psychiatric problems, they have their own wee flat within the unit, and there's carers on hand too

One chap who comes into the shop everyday and is always rushing and running about no matter what, he's a really friendly and open man who talks to everyone

Anyway he came in today to buy his juice, but he has no concept of queues, and most other customers are fine with this. Today he went in front of a mother and daughter, they both tutted and sighed, then came to my till

Here's my AIBU, the older woman told me that it was awful that he always pushes in front, but then she said "Oh well, he's a schizer, what do you expect?"

I politely said that that wasn't an acceptable way to talk about anyone, and it was really horrible, she just shrugged and then went on her way

This is the same woman that we had to speak to a while ago because she bought two scratchcards for her grandsons aged about 6 and 8, so her judgement is a bit off anyway

Do you think my response was ok?

How can I speak to the gentleman when it wasn't me that served him?!

And no, the woman didn't say it to her daughter, she said it to me

To clear up about the scratchcards, she bought them for two young children, she handed them to them and they began to scratch the numbers, when I say "we" I didn't say it was me personally, but it was the shop manager who told her not to do that as it is highly illegal

The comment about me getting another job, well after years of mental health problems, counselling and therapy, and I'm still on medication, it would be impossible for me to go through all the applying and constantly worrying if I can do the job properly

I get on Great with colleagues and customers alike, I just didn't like the woman's language

I will continue to detest scratchcards (and lottery) though

Also wondering what would happen if he had no concept of paying for things? Would you all be so happy to ignore that?

I did not say anything because I didn't serve him!!!!

My colleague may have said something though, there was only the two of us on the tills

Normally we pull every customer up on queue jumping, but like I've said I didn't serve the man

IamWendy

If someone shoplifts then yes, actually we do just let them walk out, but call the police

We are General Assistants and we are told in training not to accost them, as it may be unsafe to do so

You were absolutely right and I would want all people to call out disablist, homophobic, racist language , no matter what the butt of it did or said. That's victim blaming to suggest he provoked it.

the term she used is dreadful.

In my village every Sunday morning a woman shops in the shop who ahs some awful condition : can't remember the name, which means she has no control of her limbs , her words etc. We all part for her to get what she wants. Some of the children are scared of her but any adult reassures them. No one has ever called her names.

How can I speak to the gentleman when it wasn't me that served him?!

Presumably you or your colleague saw him jump the queue (or knew he was going to) - so yes you or he/she could have spoken to him.

You haven't mentioned that you apologised for not serving her in the 'right' order - you would have been better doing that and she may have not said anything.

It was a disgusting thing to say, of course it was but you clearly don't like the woman so I don't believe you were as polite and professional as you claim you were

I'd have given you a big smile if I'd been behind her for that.

Abbey

You clearly have something against me, for whatever reason

I can assure you that I was just as polite as I say I was, I don't lie, and am well known at work for my friendliness and politeness with everyone

It isn't in my nature to be nasty to people, but you are testing me

Please don't make assumptions

You were right to tell that was an inappropriate thing to say. Well done, zukie

Oh well this thread hasn't gone the way you expected, has it OP?

I'm pretty sure you know what you said to the woman was absolutely fine, so not sure why you asked the internet.

The scratchcard thing is just weird though and nothing to do with her disablist comment.

Of course I don't have anything against you. I apologise if it came across that way.

The tone that you use to describe the woman makes people think that you don't like her, plus the comment about the scratchcards.

I think the woman was a bitch but I'm surprised this situation hasn't arisen before - jumping queues is something a lot of people get lairy about.

I asked Worra because I have zero confidence in myself and worry for weeks about the tiniest thing

If you are suggesting I posted because I was looking for lots of people saying Well Done or whatever, then nothing could be further from the truth

I doubt myself in everything I do, and I guess I just wanted to talk to people,

I thought it was illegal to sell scratch cards to minors.. but as that didn't happen I'm not sure what she did that was illegal... presumably the cards were sold to her and she is over 16.
I also don't understand why disablist language would be linked with the purchasing of scratch cards.

An apology would probably have disarmed her - just a suggestion from someone who has done similar work back in the day.

Again, apologies if you think I have something against you, but I'm sure you can see how we can misread written posts.

I don't know her Abbey to like or dislike

I just think buying scratchcards for children is wrong, but I get that it has nothing to do with queue jumping

So I apologise for making those comments in any of my posts

The woman who tutted clearly knows why the chap doesn't understand queues, so she was definitely out of order.

And Abbey you're also out of order.

Here's my AIBU, the older woman told me that it was awful that he always pushes in front, but then she said "Oh well, he's a schizer, what do you expect?" - Well she is right that it's awful that he always pushes in front but wrong to use 'schizer'

I actually think you were wrong to call her out on it but ONLY because you're not doing your job in ensuring each customer is seen in turn then calling people out for their actions when they're pissed off at that. So pretty much your fault IMO.

Perhaps AIBU wasnt the best place for this if you are a bit vulnerable? I see what you were trying to do but because of the wording of the OP, people are going to decide based on that.

These situations are never black and white anyway - she was totally unreasonable for saying what she said, you or your colleague should
Have either said something to the man or at least apologised to the woman.

But customer service is a nightmare job so you will always be in the wrong!

And I have apologised twice - not sure what else you want me to do

Why would any shop manager tell someone that a child scratching the surface of a scratchcard, was 'highly illegal'?

That's ridiculous.

Lavender

It has nothing to do with disablist language and I apologise for it

It is illegal to purchase them under 16, the woman in question bought them herself but handed them straight to her grandsons who immediately began to rub the numbers off

Now if they had done that at home, then of course that is nothing to do with me, but doing it in a busy shop was not the thing to do

That was to Sabine ⬆️⬆️

Worra

Because you have to be 16 or over?

We're told we must hand them to an adult, we can't let young children scratch them

She used an unacceptable turn of phrase.

You should have refused to serve him until he queued and took his turn. He isn't incapable of understanding the concept of a queue, I assume? And if he was then he should not have been out without a carer.

.

I read the OP wrong and have spent a good few moments frowning over what the hell a scratch guard for a 6 and 8 year old might be