To holiday without DH and DSS

[Iwantaniceholiday]

Hi All, we are a family of 5. DSS, almost 18 (lives with us full time) and 2 DC under 10. We have separate finances. I have always organised and paid for holidays & days out myself. I love holidays. I can no longer afford to take everyone away. DH and DSS expect nice holidays. Our last family holiday was in a nice cottage in Europe. Self catering as that is all I could afford. DH and DSS looked bored most of the time and didn't expect to chip in to prepare food etc. Thing is, if costs were shared with DH we could go on a nicer holiday where we eat out everyday. He doesn't seem to realise that.

I have booked another holiday this summer but it's in the UK. Nice cottage with swimming pool access as well as other activities. DH and DSS are already not showing any enthusiasm. I want to cancel the holiday and take my two DC on an all inclusive holiday with kids activities instead. I know they'd enjoy that. Plus me and DC usually like getting up early and getting on with exploring/ playing on the beach and then enjoying lazy afternoons. DH and DSS would happily sleep until midday everyday of the holiday, which I don't think is practical with young dc in tow.

I wouldn't be unreasonable to just holiday with my dc and leave DH and DSS at home, would I?

Don't take him. He's a tight fool.

YWNBU at all.
I can't believe he expects you to fund his and your DSS's holidays without him contributing anything at all, either financially or in any other way! How very fucking rude.

Do what you want to do - take the younger 2 on holiday just with you, go somewhere they'd really enjoy and leave old Shylock and his son together to enjoy their boredom in peace!

(I regularly take my 2 DSs away by myself - every year we go back to the UK to see my family, and DH doesn't come with us. We all survive this)

Why don't you just discuss it? Given that two of the five of you seem to have different tastes and expectations around holidays, and also different habits, maybe they'd prefer to holiday separately to you and the young ones anyway, and then there's no dilemma.

I think it's a bit shit to be acting bored and unimpressed throughout a holiday, though, if that's actually what they've done in the past. I also never really get how or why married couples with children keep their finances separate, especially when it leads to situations like this.

It sounds like you are two separate families anyway. I'd go on holiday with the two youngest, and have a long think about whether you want to continue the relationship when you get back. I have nothing against separate finances, but your set up sounds bonkers, and massively unfair.

Do you earn the same? And contribute the same to rent/bills etc?

On the face of it it sounds like YANBU, but if fir example, you earn double what he does but you both pay the same towards rent and bills, that would explain why he can't contribute towards holidays.

We earn roughly the same. We have spoken about it but he insists he doesn't have the money. I do no think he enjoys holidays really but he denies this.

We contribute the same to bills though I end up spending more on our two DC as I'm with them most of the time. I work more flexibly than he does so have more time at home than him.

YANBU . Go,enjoy and have fun! He and his son are adults with the expectations of spoilt little children.