I've been trying for a baby for about eight months now (my first). Last month I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant, but only a few days after my missed period I felt different and when I took another pregnancy test it was fainter than the first one. The bleeding started at exactly five weeks. To my great surprise (and joy) I fell pregnant again just three weeks later but the same thing happened: sore breasts disappeared, test came out fainter and now (at what would be 4+6) has gone negative. I guess the bleeding will start in the next couple of days, so probably exactly five weeks again.
I've been pretty upset about this (as has DH) - particularly the first one, I guess, though this time has worried me more. Anyway, I wouldn't describe myself as devastated, but it has really dominated my thoughts for the last couple of months, and it's felt like something significant has happened, even if not such a huge loss in the grand scheme of things.
I've told four (very close) friends about what happened. Each of them has been sympathetic, but I'm always left with the distinct feeling that I'm making a disproportionate fuss. In particular, each has said some variation on 'before modern tests/if you weren't trying you wouldn't have even known it had happened and would have just thought your period was late'.
To be very clear: I know they mean well, and have responded appropriately. I haven't in any way suggested that I don't like this comment. But, to be honest, I don't. I can't see how it can be taken any other way but as saying that I'm being silly to consider it as significant. Genuinely, have I misunderstood? While I don't love the other standard comments either ('at least you know you can get pregnant'; 'it's very common'; 'this one wasn't meant to be') I do understand how they could be comforting - I just don't see how the comments about how I could have not known could possibly be comforting? These are not unsympathetic people, so what do they mean by it?
Secondly - and a larger question - AIBU in expecting sympathy for this at all? Again, I want to be very clear that I've been trying not to be over-dramatic about this - I have been clear that we're sad not devastated, have said things like 'it's not a tragedy' and have been very clear that I know it's nothing like a later loss (and have not used the word miscarriage in case that seems to be conflating this with a much more serious and upsetting event). I am absolutely certain that none of these women have themselves had losses - I completely understand that it would be hard to sympathise with my situation if you had had a later loss yourself. But AIBU to expect people to 'get' why I'm upset? I should point out here that both my mum and my very closest friend have been amazing and incredibly thoughtful - even though these other women are all very close friends, maybe this is something where I'm just expecting too much?