Bar etiquette

[yantzee]

Standing at a busy bar, I told the bar man the lady next to me was next in the 'queue' because she was standing there before me. She replied, with a face that's been slapped with a wet face, 'err, I'm already being served'
AIBU to expect a thank you, or at least a small smile??
I didn't do it for gratitude, I did it because I was brought up with manners, but I think a thank you would have been polite?

Maybe you sounded condescending?

It would have been nice, but this is not a big deal. Making sure you don't queue jump isn't an act of generosity or even politeness, it's just following the unwritten rules of social interaction, so it's not something that deserves extra thanks imo.

She sounds like a dick.

People are weird. I'd have said thanks.

Don't give it another moment's thought.

I don't see how that could have sounded condescending??

Floggingmolly:

If the poster is a man, the polite gesture may have looked like gallantry, and some women find gallantry condescending.

This is just one of those 'meh' type moments that would make me roll my eyes, think 'rude cow' and never think of it again.

Don't give it any more head space OP, because I bet she isn't.

She was rude but I wouldn't give it another thought. Normal answer would have been 'oh I'm already being served, go on ahead' but whatever. Could the face have meant to be aimed at the bar staff if she'd been waiting ages?

It sounded like simple politeness to me.

Her face might just be her face though

I mean not everyone looks smiley.

She's 'guilty' of not saying thank you.

But I'm not sure why the OP is even still thinking about it?

Floggingmolly:

It clearly was politeness, but people sometimes take things the wrong way.

Well, don't suggest the poor bugger may have sounded condescending, then!

I think it's one of those impossible to judge without knowing tone/body language on both sides

Floggingmolly:

I am not suggesting he was trying to be condescending. I am suggesting he (?) may have inadvertently come across as condescending.

Agree that might just have been her face.
Can't think why you are giving this headspace at all.
Complete non-issue.

Thanks guys - I'm not worried I was just curious about what other people thought really. I just thought her reaction was a touch unfriendly.

Also, am a lady

yantzee:

She may just have been rude/having a bad day, then. Forget about it, it isn't worth your time.

I wouldn't think too much about the look on her face, I can look positively vicious in repose sometimes. I wouldn't have said anything to the server I would have asked her "are you getting?" Maybe she felt talked over, maybe she was thinking about something else, I'm sure she hasn't given the encounter another thought. Could be that she's just grumpy but she doesn't really need to be friendly does she? She doesn't know you, she didn't ignore you, she acknowledged what you said, just didn't say thanks.

Might she have been pissed, and trying to disguise the fact by displaying undue solemnity?

Maybe she's really socially awkward and your comment was unexpected so she's actually panicking and then left the bar thinking 'I'm such a dick i didn't even thank that person'.

I don't know what's worse. That you thought this worthy of posting, or that I read and replied!

Who would give a shit about this? It's the kind of mild rudeness that you encounter most days.

She doesn't sound rude. Maybe a little nonplussed that you didn't notice her talking to the barstaff?

I think you misinterpreted her face.

She was already being served and felt mildly awkward in having to explain that.

The "this lady is next" move is a brilliant one though, because by indicating who is next you are strongly implying and I am after them even if you were actually third or fourth in the invisible queue.