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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so pissed off

50 replies

Booshbeesh · 15/04/2017 09:56

I need to vent. Im sick and tired of being practically a single parent. We have a bunch children TOGETHER. So y isiy me getting up in the night me cleaning me cooking me takin them out all day me telling me them off nagging at them me doin shopping by myself. Whilst he does what he wants to do. When he can be botherd. He actually woke up y2day morning and shut the babys bedroom door when baby was crying because of a dirty nappy. Pissed off because he was woken. Aibu to bury him before the patio gets laid next week?

OP posts:

putdownyourphone · 15/04/2017 20:59

What the flying fuck?! Why is the opinion on SAHM on MN always that they should do all of the housework/child rearing beacause that is their job and the working parent is entitled to lie ins and weekends off?! Raising kids and running a house is a 24/7 job and when the working parent is home all jobs need to be split 50/50, as the SAHM does everything during the day. I've worked in a highly stressful office environment and as a SAHM and i choose an office job every single time, you don't get a lunch break as a SAHM. You deserve a break too OP and the Easter holidays should mean the working parent takes the kids for a bit and gives you a rest.

putdownyourphone · 15/04/2017 21:03

Oops I flipped out before reading past playonwurtz reply - glad to see most people don't see SAHM as a skivvy role and the poor 9-5er needs a rest.

Original poster

Booshbeesh · 15/04/2017 21:06

Thanks for the kind responses. I appreciate these. For a moment i doubted myself.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 15/04/2017 21:32

I wake at 6am. I wake kids at 7am do three school runs a day plus all cleaning and washing and feeding and any errands or shopping that needs to be done. I then spend the evening cooking dinner he usually eats seperate from kids because hes home late nost evenings so after washing up from one lot im having to do it again at 10pm. Im bathing and settling all children and pytting them all into bed. By the time i get to bath and whatnot its about 11pm. So when is my rest???? Or because i dont bring home a wage a just run a home and keep everyone alive and fed im not wntitled to any rest.

It's not about bringing home a wage. It's about your attitude to all of this.

Why have you allowed this to happen? Why have you been doing this all this time? And why have four children with him when you are clearly struggling?

You need to make the changes OP or nothing will change.

Mysteriouscurle · 15/04/2017 21:57

Purplesky she would get child support if she were a single parent. And possibly every 2nd weekend off. OP ignore the posters berating you for "allowing" this to happen. What exactly are you supposed to do? Ignore your child's dirty nappy? Thats right pp - blame the poor person who is trying her best to raise her kids with no help at all.FFS Sometimes I despair of some people on here

Crumbs1 · 15/04/2017 21:58

Mmmmnnnnn you do three school runs - somhave some downtime when they are in school. It's hardly constant drudgery - although may feel like that sometimes. If you do washing cooking in 9.30-3pm slot the house should be more or less organised by time you pick up children. Might even be time to meet friends or go to Zumba class on there. It's hard work but depends what he does as to whether it's an unfair share.

Original poster

Booshbeesh · 15/04/2017 22:00

Mmmmnnnnn you do three school runs - somhave some downtime when they are in school.

I still have one at home whilst 3 are at school. Its not "down time"

OP posts:

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/04/2017 22:40

She has 4 kids. Downtime? Are you having a fucking laugh?

Mrsknackered · 15/04/2017 22:42

Go away for a weekend.
If he doesn't man up then, LTB.
Life is too short for you to tolerate this behaviour

Mrsknackered · 15/04/2017 22:42

Infact forget I said man up.
If he doesn't parent them and realise how much you do, day in day out. LTB.

Pollydonia · 15/04/2017 22:47

So he needs to be told what to do? Bullshit!!
Stop making separate meals for him my love, tell him to choose which weekend day he is getting up with the dc then tell him that friday night wakings are his.
My dh did that 20 years ago, my dad did it 45 years ago, expect more from him.

Crumbs1 · 15/04/2017 22:58

Not having a laugh. I had six and still had some 'down time' when most in school and little one napping or at nursery. Maybe not long enough to go shopping in London but certainly long enough for a lovely bubbly bath, trashy television or a cup of tea and a book.

purplepopple · 15/04/2017 23:06

Is getting a couple of nights off yourself an option OP? Maybe a yoga class at the gym or start doing couch 2 5k or something that takes you out of the house so he has to look after them? So change the routine and when he gets in from work you all eat then you go leave them to the tidying up and bath times... Hope things improve for you soon.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/04/2017 23:55

Crumbs - yeah... Right.

Even IF that's true (lovely bubbly bath with a small child in the house, ODFOD), that's a martyrish thing to do. Men aren't useless twats that need women to do all the housework and child rearing.

Even my useless twat of an ex got up with the kids at weekends and cleaned the bathroom

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 16/04/2017 00:00

It's women like you spouting this bullshit, expecting to do everything so her poor exhausted husband can do his job, that helps perpetuate this crap.

Its not about women working more hours to make themselves more equal (wtf does that even mean), it's about both parents taking equal responsibility for parenting.

Of COURSE the stay at home parent will end up doing more house admin, but that does not mean that the WOHP gets to kick back and do fuck all when they're not at the office.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 16/04/2017 00:04

Excuse me. * it's people spouting bullshit like that (is what I meant to say)

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 01:08

Some replies on here are shocking op. Yanbu op.
I thought equal leisure time was the buzzword on here.
Apparently no, us sahp must do everything because our providers work hard 40 hours per week.
Sod that.

Fairenuff · 16/04/2017 09:03

The problem is not that sahp should do everything, it's that some take on too much. This needs to change. From what OP has said, she doesn't intend to change anything, just wants to have a moan about it.

In the long run, all that does is teach the next generation how to treat their sah partner. It's a failing but whilst people continue to accept this, they also perpetuate it. And so the cycle continues.

Until OP is willing to confront this,, nothing will change and her children will grow up thinking this is normal

AppleOfMyEye10 · 16/04/2017 09:15

Op I have very little sympathy for people like you. It seems as if he was always this way and then you have many more children with him. When you are complaining about him and your situation and how useless he is, does it not even occur to you think about your role In this? The one who happily kept on having children even though you know?

Falconhoof1 · 16/04/2017 10:36

I certainly wouldn't be cooking a meal for him at 10pm. His choice to come home late. Leave something from earlier to microwave or, better still, let him cool his own dinner.

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 16:56

The problem is not the op. It us her dp.
There is so much crap on here about well you enabled this behaviour or why did you have another baby with this loser etc etc.
Well sometimes people change when kids or further kids come along. Dh wasn't perfect when we had our 1St two. But he did get up with 2 Year old when we had a newborn. I than had a few easy years where I did home stuff but kids at school do balanced.
However we had a surprise 3rd and all this changed.
I was on my knees with two primary aged DC and there busy schedules and a newborn who thought sleep was for wimps at night.
I was pretty much told well I didn't want the 3rd so you can suck it up.

limon · 16/04/2017 17:05

If you have all kids at school, your rest is when they are at school for 6 hours a day. You have plenty of time to do just abot all housework and rest if your kids are all full-time at school.

And he should be cookignis own dinner and washing up himself.

Do you have a dishwasher and tumble dryer?

However he absolutely should be doing 50% of the bed times and you should take it turns to have a lie in and a break each every weekend

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 17:20

Op has a preschool child.

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 17:22

Well actually a baby

Fairenuff · 16/04/2017 18:34

Yes Lake we all agree that the dp is the problem. But OP is refusing to do anything about it other than complain so she has to take her share of the responsibility too.

There is absolutely no point in complaining about something that only she has the power to change. It's like she is complaining about herself

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