To ask for my son to be assessed for ASD?

[IChangedM]

I am certain my 11 year old is ASD. Due to a fair bit of luck I don't think that has really negatively effected him so far. I was expecting issues to manifest in high school but so far so good. Still though I am concerned about the future, I can readily identify the reasons why we have hit no stumbling blocks as yet and some of them will change, ie he has hit puberty ahead of most of his peers and that combined with him being tall and big built (not overweight) is a protective factor against bullying. DH's attitude is all "labeling is bad" and "not broke don't fix". He has accepted that DS is likely ASD.

I go back and forth on this. I genuinely don't know what to do.

I have this terrible habit of trying to pre-empt responses from other posters which makes my posts longer and longer and eventually I just give it up as a bad job and don't post anything. I would really like some advice on this and have tried to post numerous times in the past few weeks but ultimately deleted as I don't feel I explain myself well. So with that said I have tried to be brief and not overthink this post. I am happy to answer anything additional but please don't be too harsh with me if I have phrased anything poorly.

Lol ichange and it will happen over and over again chemistry, wrong formula on the board, maths, numbers dont add up, geography, wrong country name, english misspelling on the board, he had a memory for detail and an eye for mistakes and a need to correct them which frustrated the teachers and if he had had the 'label' the teachers might have understood he wasnt trying to be disruptive he just needed things to be right instead of a teacher literally throwing him across a room, strangling and almost punching him. He didnt know why he was being punished because the mistake is wronger than the rudeness to him.

Prototypical aspie is also super literal and unable to think of lying. It does sound like your son might be a typical one like my brother (there are a lot of variations, my aspie is the atypical girl type)

If you do get a diagnosis be prepared for some of it to get worse - because he's allowed to act like that, its the way he is, see - diagnosis and everything. But its a reason not an excuse and does not make his behaviour ok, he just needs to have lessons on some extra things.

As I wrote about though, autism is not the only only condition that explains such symptoms. That's not the only thing I would be thinking about with such characteristics.

I think it's a nonsense to suggest that a diagnosis would be putting a label on him and that would somehow be harmful. If he is properly diagnosed, that is the start of putting the right support in place for him, e.g. occupational therapy to help with his sensory issues and anxiety, and help with his social communication.

ExplodedCloud
And without flaming the preferred way of phrasing it is 'has ASD' rather than 'is ASD' because ASD is a disorder so you wouldn't say someone is Asthma but rather they have Asthma

IChangedM
Honestly I was told recently that many autistic people prefer "autistic people" rather than "people with autism etc" (which I have been encouraged to say, I work in social care). I personally prefer the latter.

Just out of interest you might want to look at THIS RECENT STUDY -Autism – Which terms should be used to describe autism? Perspectives from the UK autism community – 2015. It's been quoted on Mumsnet before. It shows that the terms that people with autism prefer to use aren't always the ones other people think they should be using. The main thing the study shows is that there us no 'correct' term.

Please please get him at least looked at by a professional.
My son is 16 and is being assessed in July for asd (I have a 10 year old who already has asd and was diagnosed at 4).
My 16 year old always had socal problems but was a joker so hid it very well, routine problems,obsessive behaviours.
Only until he went to secondary school did it really became very obvious (but because he was OK in fact more then ok level wise) the school couldn't give a shinny shit.
Only when he got to the point he couldn't even go out the house because he couldn't speak to people and the clothes hurt to much to wear (sensory) that after a year of no school he was put into a unit.
All people who have had input (tamhs, youth engagement officer,senco,psychologist have said asd).
I wish I pushed it sooner, but no one would listern until my son literally shut down.
To those who say 'how can they get this far with asd and not be diagnosed" trust me I know people who have been dx in thier 40s, some people can hide it very well esp in girls.

My ds is 10.5 and has recently seen a paediatrician following a referral from the school nurse. School didn't have any concerns but we're very supportive of us seeking help and did acknowledge children can be very different at home.
At the appointment the Dr said she could see many asd traits in him but because it wasn't impacting on his school work presently and because we have developed good strategies for home, she felt it was not worth pursuing a formal diagnosis. At the end of the day a diagnosis is only helpful if he needs more support than he is currently getting and he doesn't at the moment. I am worried about transferring to secondary and adolescence but until he starts to struggle with life we have to just wait and see.
For us it was really good to hear that someone else could see what we see, that we weren't imagining things. Yes, he does find social communication difficult and his sensory issues are a little out of the ordinary but he is coping well.

What do you hope an assessment would give you? Does he need more support?

DS1 is 11 and has ASD. He had a diagnosis last year while he was in Y5 through CAMHs. He's always been quite stereotypically on the high-functioning end of the spectrum and over the years DH and I just learned to parent him according to his needs. School have been incredible and during Y3 & Y4 he suddenly stopped being able to cope in many situations so we needed more help. It took 22 months from referral to diagnosis and a year on we pay privately for play therapy, art therapy and some groups he attends because even after a formal diagnosis the wait for some schemes and therapies can be months and months.

I'd say push for a diagnosis. It isn't something that will suddenly transform everything but it absolutely can help. It helps others get a clear view of what's going on and why, it could help you access further support if you needed it in future and it could help him understand why his brain is the way it is; DS1 knows he has ASD and my (very limited) explanation when he asked last autumn was that his brain is like a Macbook and mine is like an HP. We process things differently, we sometimes need different instructions but, ultimately, our potential output is similar. I know that's not the case for everyone with ASD but DS1 copes remarkably well 90% of the time within our family, within school and within society. That 10% of struggle doesn't have to define who he is, it's simply another part of him like blonde hair or long legs. It's not his defining featue.

Yes I'd definitely go to the GP. I asked for a general development check up because I wasn't sure if it was ASC, ADHD inattentive type or Dyspraxia. We saw a Community Paediatrician who referred us on for a physical development check with an Occupational Therapist (because of my physical issues). DS is poorly coordinated and has a few gross and fine motor delays but is mostly caught up now.

I didn't tell him at first after his diagnosis, but he became very aware that he was different. After a couple of months I told him it was because his brain worked differently to others. In the end he gave a presentation to his class when he was 8 for Autism Awareness Week and it really changed things. He explained in his own words the things he finds easy and difficult, how others can help and understand and how he likes that he thinks differently because he is imaginative and comes up with things other people don't think of. Since then he's had a lot more support amongst his friends and has a small but supportive social group.

He once said to me "If everyone thought and did the same things the world would be a very boring place - like if everyone liked Baked Beans!" We use that as a bit of a code now when he doesn't understand how others think "Remember, DS, not everyone likes baked beans!"

He's still finding his way and does need reassurance, but he's learning that his style of thinking does benefit him as his teachers often reward his ideas when he has the confidence to voice them, as they are often so different to what the other kids come up with, but relevant to the learning.