It was my stepdads funeral this week. It was lovely except for the behaviour of my SIL. I had agreed with the vicar that my dd (8) could say a few words. I knew I couldn't as I have ME and risked being too ill or too upset and was really delighted my dd would so in my stead. All my sil had to do was be nice and parent her child. She didn't really do either. The day before the funeral, my brother, elder by 2 years, decided he also wanted to speak. Brother, sil and their 6 yr old ds arrived shortly before the coffin and within 5 mins, sil announced if the vicar told my brother he couldn't speak, my brother would have to speak in my dds place. I was very shocked and tried to smooth over that it would be fine but she kept on going on expecting me to agree. I went away, came back and keeping my composure, explained my feelings and she made out I was attacking her.
After the wake my brother and sil refused to leave the pub and I ended up looking after their ds. As the children (my dd is almost 9) were playing near a big pond, I needed to keep an eye on the 6 yr old whilst playing on my brothers old go kart with my dd when all I wanted to do was chat with my family. Nephew wanted to continue when my dd had had enough of basically pushing him around as he didn't want to share. I suggested he shared a game with dd (inside the house) and go back out later. He was also missing his mum and I comforted him, fed him snacks etc.
When sil and brother finally arrived, 3 hours after the wake, she denied his feelings for basically abandoning him (ongoing issue) and when he said he wanted to keep playing on the go kart and my dd wanted to do something else, she took afront to this. I explained I was getting him to share (ie take turns at games) with dd, she ignored me and repeatedly told him he could do what he wanted. Later dd ran in the house to me crying when brother and sil told their ds they'd be taking the go kart home from grandmas house, which dd loves playing with when she visits. Sil followed in and I left dd to explain her feelings, hugging her but said nothing. Suddenly sil started shouting that dd was being manipulative for crying (she's 8, she'd just been to grandpas funeral), screamed that her ds didn't have to listen to "these people", grabbed her child, and stormed outside. 10 mins later, she came back in, apologised to my dd then me in a "sorry but" way and we have to understand her ds is little and doesn't get what was going on etc. I said dd is upset because because there's no toys at grandmas house and she likes the go kart and this is why she's upset. Her response was delivered in a venomous way and the gist was: "That's unfortunate, we don't always get what we want, do we?"
Her bias is so against my child and family. We don't see them regularly but when we do, it involves overnight stays. I regularly have to take dd aside and explain to her that aunty x and uncle y never learnt that all children are equal and need to be treated the same by grown ups even if said adults aren't their mummys and daddys.
Dd and I are afraid of sil. She has regularly screamed at me. AIBU to want nothing more to do with sil?