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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU/WWYD - Buying DH an expensive gift.

13 replies

Quiettiger · 14/04/2017 14:27

More a WWYD, I am conflicted.

DH is approaching a significant birthday. He's a modest sort of guy who is not materialistic and doesn't crave numerous gadgets etc. He has been talking about camera drones and how they would a) be useful for his job (not essential, but a nice-to-have) and b) how cool it would be to have one.

I thought great - birthday gift sorted and was looking at them online. They're not cheap and I'd have to cut back for a couple of months, but we can stretch to buying one reasonably comfortably without affecting essential monthly finances.

Except DH walked into my office as I was looking at them (I didn't hear him behind me), asked what I was doing, saw them on the screen and said "Christ, they're expensive"...

DH and I have very differing views about what expensive is. Had he not seen the price, he would have been blown away by the present, got a huge amount of enjoyment out of it and it would have helped his work. Now he's aware of the price, he'd constantly be thinking about what else the money should have been spent on (stuff other than him and relating to our business) and not enjoy the present.

AIBU reasonable to buy a drone for him anyway and ignore his reaction? If I did, he would be grateful, but would have the cost in the back of his mind.

He's the sort, that were I to say that something were of a similar cost and I wanted it for me, he wouldn't even quibble the price. It's the fact it is for him and he doesn't consider he's worth spending the money on.

HELP?!

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 14/04/2017 14:31

It sounds like he wouldn't splash out on one for himself. But IMO, that makes it an even better gift. He would use it, has shown an interest in it and you would like to buy him it. Add it to your basket!

MimiSunshine · 14/04/2017 14:31

Get it and before you give it to him say "I know you'll love it but before you worry I found one which had been return d to store so was on sale, so open it and enjoy"

iPhones that have been returned get sold off cheaper so no reason drones can't be 😉

CurlyMango · 14/04/2017 19:12

Mimisunshine....really you would make up a lie? Just get it for him as a special treat for his big birthday. As long as it is affordable. I.e. Don't go without food heat etc

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 19:14

Well you can actually get reconditioned ones so you could get one and say that without lying!

Chottie · 14/04/2017 19:16

I would buy it for him, tell him it's a special present and you just want him to enjoy using it and you want to spoil him.

Darlink · 14/04/2017 19:27

Your dh sounds like me.
I'd hate to have my partner but me something extravagant that meant cutting back for a couple of months.
I do realise I am completely odd in this respect.

onceandneveragain · 14/04/2017 19:39

I agree with mimisunshine - it doesn't have to be as major as an outright lie, but if, for example, you can buy it via somewhere like topcashback, or get tesco clubcard points (or equivalent) or get it on a rewards credit card, then say 'I know you were concerned about the cost when I saw them before so I shopped around until I saw a really good deal.' You don't have to clarify exactly how good this deal was, but to my mind even £5 cashback is a great deal, if it's money for free!

Your other option is to exaggerate slightly your interest in the drone, or its usefulness for work, so he feels less guilty about it being a present just for him.

As someone who also frets about spending larger amounts of money on myself, but am happy to treat others, I think it's worth it to bend the truth a little if it means someone deserving will more fully enjoy their present.

Ohyesiam · 14/04/2017 22:33

That's what the best presents are, something you'd love, but wouldn't consider buying for yourself.

martinsgirl · 14/04/2017 23:14

Why don't you see if someone would chip in with you and make it a joint present from you and his parents or something? He might not feel so bad if the cost has been spread over a couple of people.

AhYerWill · 14/04/2017 23:29

Something to consider: if he wants to use it for his job, he'll need a CAA licence for commercial use. You'll need to factor licence, qualification and insurance costs in, which don't come particularly cheaply.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 14/04/2017 23:30

I'm the same, I don't like money being spent on me unless I deem it necessary, but I'm quite happy to spend a lot on DP for his significant birthday. Get it him. He won't treat himself.

MimiSunshine · 15/04/2017 10:10

CurlyMango I'd do my best to find a good deal but yes actually I would lie. It's IMO not a bad thing to ensure my loved one enjoys a present I can afford (with a bit of saving up) without any associated guilt over the money spent.

I'd consider it a white lie and what's the alternative say "I've cut back in some personal spending and saved really hard for this so you can have it" oh joy, they'll love using it then won't they?

Original poster

Quiettiger · 15/04/2017 17:30

AhYerWill - He's a farmer who wants to use it to count his sheep in the field, so it'd be used across our own ground. Apparently it's easier than using the quad bike and the dog...

I won't lie to DH about it, we've agreed it can wait until after the sheep are sold in the autumn and then I will be buying it whether he likes it or not. It's a good compromise.

Thanks for input guys!

OP posts:

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