'Pampering' afternoon

[geddes]

Normally I avoid this so-called 'pampering' lark like the plague, but here I was feeling a bit bored and listless but not well enough to do anything truly useful. I decided to investigate the back of the bathroom cabinet and hopped in the shower with a sachet of coffee anti-cellulite scrub that came out of a beauty sample box once upon a time. Bathroom now reeks like a Starbucks and I'm sure the drains are well on their way to full blockage. Am now 'relaxing' in bed smelling like someone threw a latte over me and have put on some fake Footner sock things that I ordered online two years ago but never got around to using. I think they came from Alibaba.com or some such and when they showed up I was too scared to use them and went for a branded version instead.

Am now stuck here for the requisite hour in teeny fake Footners clearly made for petite Chinese feet and not my Caucasian clodhoppers, dripping mystery liquid from the socks onto the bedlinens and watching the cats circling me, sniffing the air suspiciously.

AIBU to think that my feet might be going to fall off?

Yanbu. Possibly your ankles too 😂 Nice mental image though. It cheered me up

If it helps I have always bought the cheap Chinese versions of footner off of ebay and I am still walking around on both feet

I want to see a photo of your hooky footners and their leakage, please!

Good luck to your feet. I hope they get all peeeely and you can Whittier away the afternoon pleasantly peeling the skin off in big sheets.

Ha ha! Brilliant! Thanjs for making me laugh OP. I too hate the pampering shite but have to do maintenance to avoid looking a fright.

Sorry, don't know what "Whittier" away the afternoon means

I meant to write "whitter" it now I'm not even sure that that is a word.

Anyway I meant no reference to your whiteness or any colour at all for that matter.

Mmmm. Peeling feet.

I'm pampering too as DD is with MIL. I've got hair dye on, I'm cooking a roast and I'm going to clean the whole house.

I don't think I know how to pamper.

If testing on animals doesn't bother you, then it's fine. Although i'm sure that you can guess how they got the measurements right for taking skin off safely.

There's reports of testing on prisoners and mentally ill, every now and again, as well.

Ooooh you've reminded me I have some real footners! I need to do them! Ahhhh the satisfying foot picking a few days later!

Birdsgottaf1y excellent point. Of course the damage was done in the act of buying them some years ago so chucking them wouldn't have made a difference, but I agree with you. I certainly won't be buying them again.

If I get inspired I will take a photo of my cheap tiny fake Footners.

Am wearing small plastic bags over the top of the socks now. Very glamorous.

Hands still reek of coffee.

Please update with the progress of your shredded feet. :)

Please write a book, your imagery is hilarious

Birdsgotta I had never considered that and I was about to start praising the ones I have...

What are footners?!

You made me think of my mum when you said 'clodhoppers'