Sex post baby

[Missmac84]

My DH hinted at us having sex tonight. 5 weeks post baby....
AIBU in thinking it's too soon?
My stitches from the tear haven't gone yet, I feel shattered constantly and I don't feel in the least bit sexy, attractive or desirable!
Should I stop thinking about me and start thinking about him?
I must add - he would never push for it - I've said no and he absolutely respects that and wouldn't keep pestering until he knew I was ready. But part of me feels guilty.....

Fuck I waited nearly a year 😂
Breastfed for 17 months & I really just didn't feel like it.
Thankfully DH was very understanding!

Don't do anything until you feel ready, whenever that may be. A decent dh will more than understand! If you want to there is always oral......

For me and dh it was only a couple of weeks I could wait no longer I was climbing the walls for sex, but I had no stitches.

Even with my assisted deliveries I was active before the 6 week check because I wanted the intimacy.
But it is entirely up to you.

Don't do it until you are ready. And when you feel ready, take it easy. We waited ages after my csection and it was still a bit painful. There are plenty other ways of making each other happy or feel close and connected. It doesn't need to be full on sex.

What do people do about the lochia, if they have sex a week or two after birth? Or do you not mind it?

I didn't have sex for months after my first, it was a c section and it was really painful. I had my second c section a week ago and if both children are sleeping so are we (and I'm still bleeding quite heavily).

I can't remember when we did with DC1, probably 6 weeks ish?

I remember feeling very horny a few days after having DC2, but didn't act on it. Probably had sex for the first time about 4 weeks pp.

Both my births were tear / graze / stich free though.

*Assassinatedbeauty
*
The actual lochia only lasts 3-5 days if you're active. Mine was gone within that timeframe and was just a period type bleed afterwards which stopped and started.
If you breastfeed it goes quicker aswell.
I had sex 1-2 weeks after giving birth, even after an episiotomy and tear with stitches, I was relaxed and it was just gentle lovemaking type sex which I initiated.
Everyone is different, but for me I needed to feel normal and go back to having a sex life out of pregnancy, and it didn't hurt down below after a week I couldn't imagine going longer then a month without that connection with my partner. Of course with csections you've just had major surgery so I'd imagine a week would be out of the question.

Yeah, I've had two babies via c section and the lochia lasted a lot longer than that! And I was active (as much as the c section allowed) and breastfeeding too. The lochia was heavy and mucusy pardon the tmi, and it made me feel so far away from sexy as you can possibly imagine.

*Assassinatedbeauty
*
I think it's different when you have a csection.
Mine wasn't brown it was watery and yellow with clots and and abit of pink blood
And then turned to a medium flow period. Actual total length of lochia and bleeding for me was 2 weeks. I suppose Iv been lucky, I was doing the school run within 15 hours after my forceps birth with episiotomy and epidural. Everyone has different experiences and I find the longer I go without sex the more unsexy I feel.

I think it depends how healed/sore you feel.

I had dissolvable stitches and I'm pretty sure they were gone by that time and everything was healed (and that includes an infection about a week in). You might want to double check with your midwife or GP about the stitches.

Don't feel you have to push it if you're not feeling ready. But equally you mention not feeling attractive and desirable and some gentle intimacy might help you feel good. I remember just constantly feeling like a mum and wanting to feel like a woman in my own right as well!

We didn't even try for a good few months. Tried once, and then not again until over a year. And it still was painful for me. Only try when you feel ready, you've just had a baby!

suppose Iv been lucky, I was doing the school run within 15 hours after my forceps birth with episiotomy and epidural why, where you not able to rest, was there no one to help you do the school run?

*Stella23
*
I wanted to do the school run. I can't stand sitting down and like to feel normal after I give birth.

Please don't have sex if you're still bleeding. It is lochia until it ends.
You are at very high risk of uterine infection (endometritis) if you do this.
Also, yes your stitches need to be completely healed. It can take 6-8 weeks for the thread to be gone completely.
Love your friendly obstetrician

It wasn't stitches or anything that stopped us after our DC, my DH wouldn't have sex with me when I was v heavily pregnant or breastfeeding. With my first we didn't do anything for 9 months in total. With my second as they were a bottle refuser it was 18 months!

I would have, he wouldn't. I'm not the sort of DW to put pressure on I respected his feelings!

So to consider it 5 weeks in, lucky you, if you're physically fit!

I had sex 5 weeks after but i had a c section so my nethers were intact. I was also very horny as i had no sex for 8 months due to a cervical stitch.

In your situation, no way would I have sex.

I think lochia depends on the individual rather than the delivery method, like periods differ widely between women too.

Both my babies were in SCBU for a week anyway, and I was still in hospital with them, so the school run and sex were far down my list of things to think about. I'd have loved to have had a normal delivery and a well baby.

The really important point is that everyone is different, there's no right or wrong time. It's important you feel comfortable and happy, whether that's 1 week or 1 year later. No one should make themselves have uncomfortable sex because they feel obliged or guilty.

Don't forget that if you do want some closeness there are plenty of other things that you can do that don't involve a penis near your stitches.

Five weeks is neither too soon nor too late. There's no wrong or right way. Unhealed stitches though, that's a bit risky.

I also recommend building up to penetrative sex. I was keen to orgasm together once it was reasonably practicable, but that was before I felt up to PIV and in one case before it was medically recommended (instrumental delivery, was advised to wait 6 weeks).

*Assassinatedbeauty
*
My 3rd daughter was critically ill by 17 days old and in hospital. We had sex a week before she went into hospital just before she started to get really ill.
We didn't have sex or carry on as normal because things were easy, they were far from easy and none of my births were straight forward either.

Canyon - any particular reason for your DH to not want sex when you're bf? I just can't imagine that I have to say, for us it would have meant the last 6 years or so without sex lol not an option :)
With my first I waited a few months, was quite sore and had a hell of a time bf successfully so had other things on my mind. May have been more than 3-4months can't be sure! With second one it was probably 8weeks or so, only superficial tear so was 'easy'. Now with number 3 I'm 2 weeks pp and can't imagine sex as yet. Just getting to end of the bleeding and can't imagine doing anything whilst this is going on tbh. Maybe in a few weeks... No rush :)

Adding to the "when you're ready" chorus. I'm in no hurry to have sex again (DD2 is 4 months old) as I'm exhausted and so is DH as our toddler DD1 isn't a great sleeper. I imagine we will get around to it at some point!

My lochia lasted six weeks after DD1 and eight weeks after DD2. And that was after straightforward births with a physiological third stage and ebf. Everyone's lochia is different.

hellopeople, yes, as I said, people are different. Nowhere did I say or imply that you might have had an easy situation - I don't know your situation. I was explaining why I didn't want to have sex at that point in time in my situation. Everyone is different, there's no right or wrong.

Do it only when you really want to and feel totally ready. I had sex 20 days in with ds1 and 10 days after ds2 but ds3 was more like 5 or 6 weeks, because until then I just didn't want to. And if I hadn't wanted to for another 6 months that would have been that. Also, there is so much more to sex than PIV :)