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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not return to work because baby won't drink from a bottle

68 replies

Wettingthetopbunkbed · 13/04/2017 11:40

My baby is nearly 4 months old and I wanted to start returning to work part time in May. She's EBF but just will not take a bottle of my expressed milk.
I need them money really but worry that she'll starve the whole time I'm at work.
Any advice?
WIBU to not go back until September? (teacher)
Will probably mean getting into debt if I don't .

OP posts:

HelenaJustina · 13/04/2017 12:48

My mum put one of my sisters into a nursery near her school age 6 months. She got to nursery early, fed her there, raced there at lunch and fed her again and then dashed back after 3.30 to feed her again. There was a lot of feeding in the car as DSis couldn't wait the ten minute drive home!

This only lasted a couple of months as her solid intake slowly increased and she dropped the lunchtime feed first.

Mum was lucky in that her subject was much in demand and she could negotiate, no tutor group (meaning a later start) and no lunch time or after school meetings for the first couple of months.

So yes it is possible, but you need an understanding HoD and some flexible childcare!

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 13/04/2017 12:58

Second trying cup-feeding, different bottles, being out of the house altogether, etc.

It is a difficult one tbh. Some babies will take a bottle when they are properly hungry, some will just refuse. Some will cope fine by reverse cycling and cosleeping. Have you/could you try being out for an equivalent length of time and seeing if she copes/takes milk from another source? It will probably come down to what you feel most comfortable with, but IMO you are not wrong whatever way you decide.

BroccoliOnTheFloor · 13/04/2017 13:00

I could have written that exact post 4 months ago. DS is now 8 months and I did go back PT.

Initially while I was at work, he would drink expressed milk from a cup; you can try different free flowing / sucking / open ones. It took ages every time and was a bit stressful, but they managed.

We started weaning at 5 and a half months. That made it a lot easier because he was able to get some solids in when I was away, and because it made him realise that food comes in different forms, and he got happier using the cup for milk.

Now we don't even bother with expressed milk: when I'm at work he eats solids and maybe an ice lolly made of breastmilk, and I feed him milk last thing before going to work and first thing after coming home. He gets loads of milk at other times and seems perfectly content with this arrangement.

BroccoliOnTheFloor · 13/04/2017 13:01

Whatever you decide good luck! Keep in mond that they grow up so fast and their feeding changes so quickly that it's all going to be ok, no matter what you decide!

CognitiveIllusion · 13/04/2017 13:04

She's nearly at weaning age - I think the advice now is 6 months, but most people I know did it earlier than that, say around 20 weeks. That will make it less stressful, as if she's eating food at least you'll know she's having something! And you'll still be able to breastfeed her before / after work.

August1984 · 13/04/2017 13:04

Haven't read the full thread so apologies if already tried/suggested but heard Minbie bottles are good for getting BF babies to use a bottle for mixed feeding.

ChocChocPorridge · 13/04/2017 13:09

Sounds crazy, but DS1 never figured out bottles, or feeding cups or normal cups - but at 5 months he could use a straw! Perhaps try that?

He did then go on to refuse to use any other type of cup but one tommee tippee straw type for the next 4 years, but you do what you can

littledinaco · 13/04/2017 14:04

Personally, I would delay going back until Septemeber if that is at all possible. Can you sell some bits on eBay to get you by each week? I have done this when money has been tight. Or maybe do some private tuturing? (I had a friend who did this with her baby or an hour at a time so it's easier to leave baby).
I'm sure you'll come to whatever decision is best for you though.

Original poster

Wettingthetopbunkbed · 13/04/2017 15:26

Thank you all its just hard negotiating with the school when there is this unknown quantity at play, I have got some pre- preg clothes I could sell...

OP posts:

ParadiseCity · 13/04/2017 15:31

I had this issue. At first DD used to refuse bottles all day and bf all night, so she was fine! I was knackered obvs.

Then my wonderful key worker cracked it by heating the EBM really surprisingly hot. Not scalding but hotter than you'd think. DD was then totally fine drinking it. So it's worth a try it might turn out that you have Hot Breasts like me

Rattata · 13/04/2017 15:38

Can you go back for just a few weeks before the end of the summer term (or whatever the minimum is now) so that you get your holiday pay?

I did this many years ago now, My DD would not take any bottle etc wasted vast amounts of money on them. We found she would take cool boiled water and later BM from a sterile teaspoon sucking it off However, a few times she was crying so much that my DP picked DD up from childcare early and brought her to my college and I fed her in my break.

Start feeding from a spoon now, do it everyday - it may be hell but will improve.

MammyHester9116 · 13/04/2017 16:20

Not much advice about feeding apart from try a cup.
My lb wouldn't take milk in a cup. He just had water through the day and I fed him on an evening and through the night.

With regards to when to return to work, if you do decide September, remember to go back for the last few days in July to be paid over the summer! 😀

bojorojo · 13/04/2017 16:34

My DD never had a bottle and didn't eat food until she was 18 months. I paid for her to have lunch in a nursery and she got the hang of it being with other children but I had given up my job by then. My Health Visitor said go away for the weekend, she will get used to the bottle. No she didn't and she didn't eat either. I had to take her to the Doctor due to not eating or drinking over the weekend (she was just sleeping and she was starving herself) and he said she could go one drip or I could start breast feeding her again, so I did. Total mistake to BF in the first place. My HV went to a conference where she was discussed. No-one had ever heard of a child starving herself. It was Mum or nothing.

primaryboodle · 13/04/2017 16:40

I know all babies are different but my ebf bottle refuser fed 2 hourly AT LEAST until 7 months then all of a sudden only wanted milk at breakfast lunch and dinner (and all through the night grr). She wont take a bottle but drank happily from a sippy cup at 6 months so a huge amount can change between now and may!

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 13/04/2017 16:42

Hugs to you, this is so hard. Can you go back the week before summer holidays? You should have accrued some leave and could take that in may to boost your pay? That and a few KIT days might do it?
You will never regret the time you spend with your tiny baby. She needs you and is telling you in the only way she can.

NerdyBird · 13/04/2017 18:01

my dd wouldn't take a bottle or a cup until we were properly into weaning at about 7 months. I'd thought I'd go back at 6 months but with the bottle refusing and still feeding at night I decided not to. When she did have a bottle it was really easy. I'd say if you can wait a bit it might be better to do so as the transition may well be easier.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 13/04/2017 18:07

My ds was like this. I spent a fortune on different bottles, different ppl feeding, cups etc. You name it, I tried it. I finally decided to try ds in nursery for one morning before I went back to work and left 4oz breast milk and he drank the lot! It was so strange but in retrospect I think it was being in a totally different environment and maybe quite unsettled and then being offered something familiar. I think he just suddenly wanted it badly enough! Also I think having someone offer the milk who was very experienced in bottle feeding and totally relaxed helped to.

oblada · 13/04/2017 18:10

I wouldn't worry too much about it, your LO will find a way, either get used to bottles (or cups etc) or wait for you. Especially as you're going back PT. I went back to work when my first was 5.5months and I used to leave a bottle of expressed milk for her but most days she wouldn't have any of it and would just wait for me and make up at bedtime :) and I worked FT. Soon enough she was eating (tho not much, BLW and took a few months to get to anything substantial being eaten) and drinking water etc so it didn't matter much and I stopped expressing when she was 11months I think.
In the meantime try various bottles, cups and mostly ask others to try for you.

CottonSock · 13/04/2017 18:11

Mine won't take a bottle and didnt take solids for a loooong long time. I was going to delay going back, but can afford it. Maybe try and see what happens? Or strss might not be worth it

Steamgirl · 13/04/2017 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oblada · 13/04/2017 19:17

Steamgirl - if this is in the UK the employer does not have to accommodate bf at all. All they have to allow is time off to express (but can be unpaid time).

MsJudgemental · 13/04/2017 19:57

Sorry, but 4 months seems a bit too early to me. They're just starting to get their personalities! I've never known a teacher go back to work that early. Are you in the UK?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 13/04/2017 21:50

mammy she doeant have to go back before summer at all. You can start back on the first day of the sunmer holidays.

BettyOBarley · 13/04/2017 21:52

Haven't read all the replies but have you tried a Minbie bottle? I have a couple of friends who said these were brilliant for this issue.

WankersHacksandThieves · 13/04/2017 21:55

I had to delay going back with DS2 - was going back at 4.5 months, had to delay a month in an attempt to have him weaned (guidelines were 4 months then). I managed to get him to do without breastmilk between 8am and 3pm. He's take food and also water from a cup but not milk. Then in desperation I contacted the midwife again and got an older midwife. She advised trying the old brown latex teats - within a couple of days (the weekend before I went back to work) he took the milk with the latex teat.

We'd tried everything prior to that.

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