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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...about my teenage son?

39 replies

longtermsinglemummy · 13/04/2017 09:13

He's 15. He's done nothing this holiday whilst I've been at work. I have the day off today with a list of things I want to do in the house and garden.

Is it unreasonable to expect him to be polite when I ask him to tidy and clean his room rather than telling me it's my job to do it? Is it unreasonable to hope he would offer to help me today when I need to dig a hole for a tree in the garden?

Please can someone tell me that teenage boys become nicer and cooperative? I really don't want him becoming a man who is as lazy as the boy is.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 13/04/2017 11:16

OP is there anything he likes to do? My youngest son was the untidiest messiest person I have ever met. My rule was I wouldn't go in his room and pick up his washing so he had to do that or have no clothes, otherwise the mess in his room was his business so long as the door was shut, if the door was left open and I saw the mess then it had to be done. The door was shut for about 3 years. His saving grace was he liked to cook, he would bake or cook a lovely curry or spag bol. It was nice to get home and not only not have to cook but have a meal ready for me.

He is now a nurse, meticulous about tidiness and cleanliness and incredibly well organised. So he has gone from being the messiest laziest of my kids to the most organised, tidiest and hardworking of the lot.

grannytomine · 13/04/2017 11:19

Fairytales, don't you think your son's room is his business unless it is actually a health hazard? I preferred mine to learn by experience, it is actually nicer to live in a clean, tidy environment. My kids developed good life skills without me having to act like a sergeant major.

pipsqueak25 · 13/04/2017 11:29

don't go with the standing over teens watching them clean tbh fairy if i was the teen that would piss me off big time.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 13/04/2017 16:14

I think my son's room is in OUR house, and shouldn't be filthy. You do need to teach them to get into good habits, and also the fact that their room is their responsibility is good for them.
I wouldn't stand over anyone, but equally, any son of mine that told me to fuck off would find himself with no stuff to tidy. Fuck that shit. It's bad enough that we(mothers) get most of the drudge work without being subjected to that level of contempt.
The bit a PP (SGDT?) wrote about their 16 year old suddenly hugging them and then tidying his room unasked made me laugh-ever seen the episode of Kevin and Perry when Kevin gets a girlfriend? He starts having sex, and immediately becomes a changed boy.. Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/04/2017 18:02

@ifNotNow - I did ask him if he'd robbed a bank, been expelled, or got a girl pregnant! Luckily he had done none of the above.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 14/04/2017 04:49

I understand what you're getting at, it's not something I enforce, it's their Dad who makes sure that once ready for bed, rooms are clear as in nothing on the floor to accumulate, plus access to whatever they'll be doing in bed.

They have a bedtime between 8&9, it works quite well that they understand this is adult time once they're in bed. They can read, draw, write, do anything apart from using electronics, which is restricted, otherwise they'd be glued to their tablets non stop.

So whilst it's not something I enforce, like a folder and a couple of sheets of paper on the floor is no big thing for me, for their Dad he likes everywhere to be clear and tidy. They do get bonus pocket money for maintaining their rooms like this.

I'm quite messy, say if I had a letter I needed, I would know it's somewhere in said pile. Or if it's a book I know where I put it. Hubby has slight OCD I think, which isn't a bad thing most of the time. Growing up my room was a tip, so it's totally double standards.

I do believe if you want to instigate routines, you need to be clear and consistent. After all, these are life skills that are needed, instead of student digs looking like a war zone. Punishment like if it's not done or no progress has been made in 2 hours, then they will lose access to electronics for a period you see fit.

Possibly draconian, but effective.

littleoldladywho · 14/04/2017 05:05

Ah. Bedtime between 8 and 9 with no electronics? I'm going to guess your ds is younger than 15 and hasn't quite turned into a man sized beard growing sleep until noon eating machine, fairy? Good luck with that nice clean floor and keeping your husband's sanity. I'm pleased you got the books in though. They'll help a lot.

lostatsea1 · 14/04/2017 05:46

There is no way in this world or the next I would come home from a day at work and cook a meal, wash clothes or tidy up after a teenager that has been at home all day.

When my kids were this age I expected them to pick up some of the workload and have a meal cooked and washing done etc.

This was all done within the context of me ferrying them around to various activities
, clearly giving them the lions share of spare money and generally treating them with respect that they would understand how the smooth running of the house depends on everyone working together and pulling their weight. But their rooms were theirs - respect goes both ways.

He should not be clearing up after himself - during the holidays he should be clearing up after you.

Wallywobbles · 14/04/2017 06:54

Just point out that your time is not worth less than his. He wants a lift, he needs to bank the time first by doing some chores. And not ones that benefit him.

user1471558436 · 14/04/2017 07:21

Yes there's no way I would come in from a day at work to a mess. Mine would cook tea (might take 2 hours) and tidy their bedroom.

FrancisCrawford · 14/04/2017 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lostincumbria · 14/04/2017 08:35

The biggest weapon parents of a teenager hold is the WiFi password.

BeyondThePage · 14/04/2017 08:40

The biggest weapon parents of a teenager hold is the WiFi password

Well it is if you don't mind your teens not spending any actual time at your house. People who that works for must have younger teens or fairly compliant ones.

Sizeyswife · 23/10/2017 14:20

My 14 year old son cares about nothing all he wants is computers, he has no self respect and would rather spend his time winding everyone up than to help and earn some kind of reward back, he is literally stripped to nothing and this has been going on for months, he starts to do well then mucks it all up again, I'm literally at my wits end and my husband (has been the stand in dad for 8 years now since his real father died) is also pulling his hair out and it is putting a strain on our marriage . I'm very frustrated and feel stuck in the middle as I tend to try to see his side when his 2 sisters moan about him. I've tried positive chats I've been angry in fact very sometimes and so has my husband but no amount of talking makes him wake up and realise what he has to do to have the things in his life that he loves, he just almost smerks at me instead of getting up and doing something!!! Confused

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