Surgery flashback

[Teacherontherun]

I had major surgery two years ago, spent weeks in hospital away from my very youbg children and had repeated complications. I am physically better now but I am not sure if I have ever emotionally got over it. I am a strong practical person and did everything i could to plan for it. A close friend had surgery in January, it was serious and I was extremely concerned about him. But it brought up so many memories and I struggled so much but felt guilty that I was somehow making it about me. My friend has recovered thankfully but I still feel so guilty that I was finding everything difficult.

Sorry! So my question is AIBU to feel guilty

Couldn't read and run - No way should you feel guilty. It's a perfectly reasonable response. Maybe try some therapy if you feel it would help? Glad your friend is better too. For you

Thank you kitty. I have tried to convince myself so many times that I am ok but my friends surgery in Jan just made me feel so panicked and the hideous memory of being wheeled down to surgery!

You are not being in the least unreasonable! Surgery can be an incredibly frightening experience. As a parent you just power through, trying not to dwell on it. It's not surprising then that these suppressed memories can be triggered later.

It doesn't make you selfish; it's certainly not a response you would choose to have! I don't have any pearls of wisdom I'm afraid, I have recently had some scary hospital memories triggered myself so I know how it can come out of nowhere....

A close friend had this. The only thing that helped was a course of CBT (is it Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? It did work wonders for her. Could you ask your GP about it?

You don't get to pick how you respond to a traumatic event. If we could do that, we'd all pick blithely getting on with our lives. So no, you have no reason to feel guilty. You aren't making this happen.

I get unexpected flashbacks and cold sweats related to an unpleasant surgical experience more than 25 years ago. It's only recently that I've come to know I can tell the thought/feeling to bog off. Sometimes have to be persistent, but it has been really liberating to know that I'm not obliged to think the thoughts that come into my head.

If they are a bit tougher to shift I use an app designed for kids called breathing bubbles. The visualisation helps me float the thought away.

Bear in mind that different things work for different people, and if you are struggling a chat with your GP to explore your options is something worth considering.

Thank you. I have made an appointment with my GP and I will take it from there. I am sure that I just need to talk it through

Have you talked to anyone in RL about how you feel?

YANBU.

No, I think I became so focused on the recovery from the physical side of things I never once thought about the emotional implications and the longer it has gone on the more I think I should just be grateful I am well

Yanbu. I had a crash c-section and sepsis nearly 3years ago. Baby had to be resuscitated and spent time in nicu. I still get flashbacks and cry whenever I think about it or when people I know have babies.