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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

4 sons?

49 replies

Cantusethatname · 11/04/2017 17:46

This makes me feel a bit upset (from the Mail, sorry)

Danielle has spoken at length about her desire to have a daughter, after having three sons with her ex husband Jamie O'Hara, but she admits that will never happen naturally as she doesn't want to risk falling pregnant again with another son.

I have 4 sons, wouldn't change one single thing. But this kind of article makes me feel a bit down, like girls are valued more and every real mother just wants a daughter.

OP posts:

Whatsername17 · 11/04/2017 18:22

I have 2 girls. I regularly get asked of I'm going to try for a boy. But, after a mc at 13 weeks and several pregnancy induced health issues, I can't risk getting pregnant again. Despite this, people STILL comment 'you aren't? (going to try for a boy) Oh your poor dh not getting to have a son'. I'd have loved to have had a boy. I love having my girls.

Bizzysocks · 11/04/2017 18:22

It think your being ridiculous taking it as a personal insult against you not being a real mother. She is just saying she would like a girl that is no reflection on you and your boys.

I have 2 boys and not having any more babies. I can see as my friends children get to their teenage years and adulthood that the girls spend more time with their mums than the boys do, and I do think that I may miss out on that closeness in the future so I can see where she is coming from in wanting a daughter.

EffinElle · 11/04/2017 18:25

It works the other way too, people assuming if you have girls you'll keep going till you get a boy.

Polisee · 11/04/2017 18:25

Don't think it's sad. Why do some people assume that her saying she would like a girl mean that she doesn't value her boys.

To be dissapointed a child you already because it was the wrong sex would be awful but to state a preference for a future unborn child is ok.

I can relate to this as I really, really wanted a girl.

frostyfingers · 11/04/2017 18:34

I had twin boys and when I was pregnant again there was a lot of assumption that it was because I/we wanted a girl. Nope, just wanted another baby, and got one who happened to be a boy. Three healthy babies was fine for me, their sex was secondary.

smilingsarahb · 11/04/2017 18:35

Iamamy. ..I don't have any statistics I'm afraid. It's just things people have said to me that leave me feeling that they see boys as a consolation prize. Ranging from that rather nasty saying about sons being sons until they find a wife, people saying that sons are more like owning a dog than raising a child, people saying you will never be a proper granny and I even had one ex friend tell me I wasn't even a real mummy as raising a boy is more like a childminder whereas a daughter is a lifetime vocation.
I do see that because I had boys I only know about the negative comments directed about boys as the people saying them had a mean streak so perhaps all the mums of only girls are getting a different set of snide comments directed at them.

ThePigletatwork · 11/04/2017 18:38

I have four sons and wouldn't swap any of them for a girl.

neveradullmoment99 · 11/04/2017 18:39

I dont think there is anything bad about wanting a girl. I had three boys that are now grown up. I couldnt face having another boy, so i decided to stop there. I always would have like a little girl. Not because girls are valued more, i just really wanted to have a little girl because I hadnt had one and wanted to experience it. I am lucky. Years later i wanted a baby and would have been happy with either. i had a girl. There is nothing sad about wanting a girl or a boy.

neveradullmoment99 · 11/04/2017 18:40

I now realise boys are way easier!!!!!!

IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 18:41

smilingsarahb anyone who made comments like those is a ridiculous and more importantly pretty unpleasant person. They also make little sense; my brothers and I all have similar and very close relationships with both our parents.

Unfortunately polls continually show most people would prefer sons to daughters.

cbigs · 11/04/2017 18:42

I can totally understand this too. I wanted both and got both felt very lucky. Don't see why it's sad though? Sure she'd say she wanted a boy if the others were all girls? It makes sense to me.

EwanWhosearmy · 11/04/2017 18:42

I suspect there are just as many families with 3 or more girls being asked "don't you want a boy?".

We had girl then boy and everyone (including our parents) told us we didn't need to have any more as we had the perfect family. We went on to have another 2 boys and 1 girl that told 'em

Dahlietta · 11/04/2017 18:45

In some ways, I'm glad to hear of people wanting girls. I hear a lot more of the 'Oh, I really don't want a girl - they're so bitchy and manipulative' and 'girls are such trouble when they're teenagers'.
In general though, I find it disappointing that people are still so convinced that the sex of a child determines their character to such an extent and that one sex is so much more 'difficult' than the other.

saracrewe2 · 11/04/2017 18:45

It really works both ways. Two girls first and everyone assumed I was dying for a boy. Interestingly I usually see those with a gender preference to be wanting a boy.

IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 18:49

Yet another survey:

In fact, Gallup noted that Americans' preference for a male child is even stronger today than it was in 1941, when just 38 percent preferred a son, with 24 percent preferring a daughter.

saracrewe2 · 11/04/2017 18:49

they're so bitchy and manipulative

This is what our childminder said when I told her I was having dd2

Recently on FB I saw someone saying that the bad thing about having a son is that when they get a random girl pregnant she doesn't have to give visitation rights to the paternal grandparents. It really made me both and She is a young girl so does not have grown up sons, it just came across so random.

Birdsgottaf1y · 11/04/2017 18:52

I watch her getting the live scan on Loose Women and it in no way come across that she doesn't value boys, she'd just like a daughter. It's her Partners first and he didn't have a preference.

She said that she wouldn't go down the route of gender selection.

She comes across well, as a Mum in interviews and how she's handled the mess that her ex creates.

I think more Women should be honest, it'll help those who are struggling and seek help.

Bobbi73 · 11/04/2017 20:22

I have two gorgeous little boys that I wouldn't change for the world. With my first, I hoped for a girl but once I'd had him and understood how much you fall in love with your baby, It took me a long time to get pregnant 2nd time around and I was beginning to think it wouldn't happen so I was delighted to have another baby. Couldn't care less what I had. Got really fed up with other people assuming that I wanted a girl though!

Whiterabbitears · 11/04/2017 20:38

For centuries male children were seen as more desirable, particularly those with land and property for sons to inherit, plus in some cultures world wide boys are still more highly valued. Its nice to finally see girls being valued in their own right and I think in many cases they stay do closer to their own mums as adults. Having said that I have never heard anyone irl express a preference for girls over boys, and if you had 3 girls people would probably be saying that you want a boy next. I have 2 DDs and I've never found that people see that as more desirable.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 11/04/2017 20:44

I've got three ds's and if we'd been in a position to have had a fourth I'd have loved another boy, it wouldn't have been an issue at all.

Don't feel down OP, each to their own and all that but what others think about having all boys isn't worth giving head space to.

dustarr73 · 11/04/2017 21:45

I have 5 boys,I lovr y 5 boys.Wouldn't change them for the world.

I think if you have a preference for either gender,that's fine.Just don't let your kids hear you talk like that.

TooGood2BeFalse · 11/04/2017 22:03

I have two boys, eldest 5 years and youngest 9 months. They are amazing :-D I thought I was having a girl both times (mother's instinct didn't work for me ) but found out at 18 week scan both times. Cried with happiness both times. Think I would have cried either way! I don't judge anyone for having a preference, I just didnt.I hear a lot about girls being easier babies, but my two are like chalk and cheese.Second little boy is the easiest baby ever, so doubt the sex plays too big a part.

Mamabear14 · 11/04/2017 22:13

I had 2 boys before DD. I'll be honest, I was really hoping for a girl. I adore my boys, but I knew that pregnancy was my last and I found out the sex because I think I would have had to accept and come to terms with never having a daughter had she been a boy. It's not about girlie clothes or toys or anything, I'm not sure why I so desperately wanted a girl.

Rainydayspending · 11/04/2017 22:20

My third (big gap as remarried) is a boy. A few people have asked (3) if I am relieved to have finally had a boy.
I had 3 miscarriages before DS. I am in my 40's i am just amazed we have a third child. That he's real. But I never hoped either way with any of them. Except to get through the pregnancy. I thought my first might be a boy. I was wrong. It didn't really affect me. The second dd I'd learned not to try and guess . When i was told ds was a boy I just wondered whether i needed to relearn nappy changes .
They're projecting their own bias I guess.
I have a terrible relationship with my parents. Particularly my mother. I try not to let that shape my relationship with my children.
But some people think they're relationship (close not close/ gender preference for other reason) is how everyone's life is etc.

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