Held to ransom by MiL

[summerfruitsquash]

We've come to PiLs for lunch today. They've taken DD out for a walk.

What's wrong with this? Well in my 10
week pregnant, up all night with a teething 1 year old, hormonal state - every fucking thing.

All I wanted to do was have lunch, a chat and go home for a sleep.

We had to wait two hours for MiL to faff around cooking lunch. So I felt incredibly unwell by the time it appeared. Not to mention hangry DD.
Then they insisted (despite my many excuses and glares at OH) that we should stay here and relax while they took her for a walk.

We've been sat here an hour now and I'm bored shitless. I can't think of anything less relaxing than being stuck at someone else's house when exhausted and sick.
To make matters worse, OH promptly stretched himself out on the sofa and fell asleep. He's convinced he slept for 5 minutes (my fucking arse, it was 45 at least).

I'm ashamed to say I just threw a huge teary, hormonal tantrum at him because he completely ignored me trying to excuse ourselves to MiL. He knows how shit I've felt lately and how much I just want to be at home.

I know I'm BVU and should be grateful for the break. I'm just so very very tired.

Why be all PA about it?

"Oh MiL i'm feeling a bit funny at the moment if I don't eat regually, can I grab a slice of bread to keep me going"

"Sorry everyone, I'm feeling quite ill and need to go home and lie down- DH please can you drive me home now, thanks"

YABU but I understand
I feel like holy hell at 10 weeks. I am a mess and can hardly...just hardly anything really.

Your MIL sounds lovely to me but if I was you I would want to kill her and probably burn her house down while I was at it.

Congratulations on the pregnancy

Why didn't you go home when GPS brought your DC out.Your Dp could have stayed. I do know how tired you are in the first few months but you got fed,watered and a bit of children time.That's not bad going.

Held to ransom? Seriously?

How are your ILs supposed to read your mind? They are surely just trying to be kind, and without you saying anything how can they possibly guess what you want. I feel sorry for them.

YABU I see from your post that it's 3.15 and you have been sitting waiting for them to come back for an hour. So they went out about 2.15, so I would guess lunch would have been about 1.30ish. Perfectly normal lunch time to me, not sure where the two hours faffing came from was she just chatting with you all, enjoying spending time with you all, instead of just getting in the kitchen making your lunch?
Just take a snack next time and enjoy the peace and quiet when your DD is spending time with her loving GP's or just stay home and rest more comfortably, it sounds like it wasn't the best day for you to be visiting hope you feel better tomorrow.

Poor PIL. You could have stayed home, you could have had a biscuit in your handbag just in case.

I don't feel sorry for the PIL as presumably the OP hasn't actually been mean to them? She has just thought some mean thoughts.

I am full of mean thoughts when pregnant.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

Pack well next time. A good book, girlie magazine and some food treats. Enjoy your free time while you can. If you turn it round and plan ahead this could be an unexpected bonus time. Take care of you!

YABU and YANBU.
Being hormonal, hungry and tired makes you a special kind of monster, with psychopatic thought, when faff gives you incandescent rage and you need a special set of conditions to be actually confortable.
Not really your PIL's fault, but yeah, sometimes ....

I'm afraid I do think that some of the 'blame' here is with you - you need to learn to set some strong boundaries rather than relying on your DH to do so. When the walk was suggested, it was really your job to say 'No, I need to head home now, I feel terrible' and no-one could reasonably have suggested you stayed. It wouldn't even have been rude to do so!

I understand, however, that when you feel ill and hormonal, sometimes you just need someone else to take care of you. Your DH really should have been listening a bit more.

Actually I will disagree with some posters.
Being helpful to someone isn't doing whatever you think or look helpful. So it's not always preparing a meal for someone or taking their child away for a walk 'so they can relax' if the effect of doing all that is anything but relaxing.
I have to say, I don't think they have been helpful at all. They think they have been kind. Yu R DH clearly is enjoying the break (because he isn't feeling sick and he is feeling relaxed enough there to be able to sleep on the sofa). As it happens you don't and seeing that you are the one who is pg, I think you should be calling the shots there.

Does youR MIL know you are pregnant though?

So you know what your MIL is like yet expect her to behave differently this time?

In the future, invite them to you so you can control when food is served (I find this easier than trying to keep DCs going until 3pm "lunch"), can have some say in what happens ("oh MIL, im going to walk DD to the duck pond to feed the ducks while DH clears up from lunch, fancy coming?")

Just stop expecting it to be relaxing to go to hers and accept the fuss of hosting is easier.

Or go round specifically after lunch - "thank you for the invite MIL but we have something to do in the morning, how about we come over at 2ish, we'll have lunch at home or out first depending on how long this takes." Then take cake that you "baked with DD" so you know something will be served with a cuppa.

Why did you go in the first place? Next time just say "no". You don't have to do anything in life you don't want to. You mil sounds horrendously controlling. Just going to get worse when next baby comes unless you put foot down. If you want to see mil it is on YOUR terms only. They are not her children!

OP I'm a granny and a MIL. I'm sure your MIL meant well and that you know that but you're pregnant, tired and not feeling great. You are entitled to have a bitch about it and I know just what you mean about doing the visit rather than an unexpected drop by when you aren't well.

Hopefully in a couple of weeks you will be feeling better and can have a laugh about this. Look after yourself.

I think you know YABU. That said, pregnancy isn't how they show it in the Mothercare ads so you are well within your rights to feel frustrated and worn out, and rage.

Your MIL probably didn't see she was in the wrong. That said, if you want to complain about MILs on MN you'd be in very good company; they can never do right for doing wrong and I often wonder what they will do when they themselves potentially become a MIL.

I know this was a bit of a PA rant, I did say to MiL that I thought we should go, DD needed a long nap and I needed a rest. She took that in her way hence the situation. She's fantastic but once she decides she's doing something, nothing short of an apocalypse will stop her!

Now I'm home and in my pyjamas I can see just how OTT I was. Probably need to get a grip

Glad you're feeling better, like I said before look after yourself it won't be long till you get to the "glowing" bit. I'm not sure I ever did but hopefully you will.

mil sounds horrendously controlling
wtf? She offered to make lunch and take dc out for a walk for an hour. Ridiculous.

summer I hope you feel better soon.

My goodness gammaraystar. What a lot of anger - and exaggeration! I pity your MIL if you have one.