WIBU to not give him any chances and ask for collection from the CMS?

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This will all be extremely identifying but I don't care.

Ex and I have an 11 year old DD together. We were never married and split up when she was 18 months old. When I first claimed Child Maintenance through the CSA he didn't pay so ended up with a DEO (after many phonecalls and chasing the CSA from me).

After a few years he changed his job and the CSA took a year recalculation his payments. In that time I didn't receive a penny. I begged and pleaded with ex to call them to make some small contributions as any amount would have helped but he refused.

When the CSA final sent him a schedule of payments he didn't pay anything. The CSA said they had to give him a chance to pay before setting up a DEO. Three months later they finally set up a DEO and as they were recouping the arrears from the year ex hadn't paid a penny the payments taken out were double what they should have been.

Suddenly ex wanted to make an arrangement between us and for him to pay me direct ... I told him where to go. The DEO has been in place happily for a few years until now.

I received a letter last year saying that our case was being moved to the CMS system meaning he could pay me direct, I could ask for a reassessment of what he pays for a one-off fee of £20 but he still pays me direct or I could ask for the reassessment and collection service which would be a monthly fee of 4% from the money collected from him and an additional 20% collected from him in addition to the maintenance.

We discussed it and due to the additional fees gave him my bank details so he could pay me direct. Well this month was the first month it was supposed to happen but surprise surprise no money. WIBU to just ask for the collection service without further discussion with him?

Other background is he's a useless dad. We live about 40 miles from each other DD will be lucky if she sees him twice a year. We've only just moved and previously lived a mile away from him but she still would only see him twice a year if lucky.

I've always had the door open and used to invite him to school events and send him reports etc but he was always busy or too much effort etc. Last year I tried to invite him to her leaver's service to find his number didn't work . I only got a contact number for him when he called me six months later

He has now changed his number again as I tried to call him but was out of order. I have a new number for him which I got from his 16 year old DD who lives with him (via facebook) and have texted him but I feel like saying "fuck it" and just going straight to CMS and say tough if it costs him more.

We're not talking masses here; it's £100 a month but I work full time earning pittance. I have not lived with anyone since we split up so it's been just me and DD.

ARRRRGGGGHHHH

Whoops that was longer than I thought sorry

You are supposed to wait until payment is one week late and then they will chase. In your shoes, however, I would cited the long history of non payment and ask if they will move immediately to collect and pay. You would be entirely reasonable to do this, if CMS will agree to it.

Honestly if the whole story was "he missed a month's direct payment" I would say YANBU. Bet he never misses paying for his phone and car and things he enjoys. It's not even about the money, it's the principle of him fucking over his own child. Twat.

It's worse as it's DD's birthday this month too.

OuchBollocks I think it's more the beer he's been enjoying.

Kitty I don't know when the payments are 'due' as such as I've just been used to two weeks after he gets paid - one week BACS from employer to CSA and one week BACS from CSA to me. He gets paid at the end of the month so for March's pay I haven't had anything. The CSA arrangement was to cease mid March so I'm assuming his employers wouldn't have sent anything as there is nowhere to send it to.

YANBU. Phone then today!

CMS usually send you a payment schedule with dates and amounts. Have they definitely done the calculations? Have you had any correspondence with them?

Kitty we were going to try a direct payment scheme with no input from the CMS whatsoever based on the CSA payments. This was to try and prevent him from having additional money taken. No contact with the CMS whatsoever - if we were to do a 'family based' agreement I didn't think I needed to contact them.

Ah okay, then as he has already breached your local agreement, I would crack on and open a case. He will still have a chance at direct pay. Tough shit for him if he can't do the decent thing and has to stump up he extra 20%.

You can make an arrangement through the CMS whereby it remains with them but they contact your ex with details of your bank account. They send you the forms. I did this because I didn't want to go outside the CMS and make an agreement because of his lack of reliability paying in the past.

It is not that easy to go on collect and pay. I originally wanted that because he was in arrears when we changed over from the CSA. He has to be given a chance to pay and one of the staff told me they really do not want to do that (in general) so I quit whilst I was ahead.

I have found the CMS worse that the CSA if that is possible. For example, the CSA always stated my gs's dad did not have shared care. Because of his violence in the past, my gs stays with his other grandparents for contact. He now says he sleeps over there for contact (which he does not and never argued this in court nor to the CSA) to reduce payments for his son.

They were very unpleasant with me, making out I was lying. They do not seem to understand that they are now a paid for service and customer service remains poor and very insensitive so brace yourself.

I decided not to make a scene about it because the organisation is intransigent and whilst it is wrong, I have learned not to pursue matters I cannot win.

ElsieMc I'm so sorry to hear your struggles with them. I know when I was dealing with the CSA everytime I needed to speak to them it was just another battle which was energy draining.

I unfortunately do not think ex will pay so I cannot see any other option. I will be braced for a battle though.