to envolve social services

[Jolyon1972]

My ex husband returned by children from a contact weekend to advise that he had taken the children (DS x2) to his engineering workshop (business) over the weekend as he had some customers dropping cars off. The children were playing unsupervised (13+10) and DS had climbed on to a tractor and grabbed hold of a motorised door - the other DS turned the motor on lifting DS (10) to over 8ft off the ground at which point he fell off on to a concrete floor. He was largely unhurt but I think it could have been very serious. My Ex thinks this is just boys pranks. This week by other DS (13) returns with a burn hand after a workshop accident. Again Ex thinks this is "part of learning". I have an engineering back ground and realise children need to learn but this is beyond reasonable. Am I being over the top in considering making an approach to social services?

i would agree if they were more like 5 and 3 but at 13 and 10 they should be able to be trusted!

Agree with Mega, children of that age are not allowed in engineering workshops. A burnt hand - if you had had to take him for hospital treatment, how would you explain it? It's a reportable incident, if you want to be aggressive, ask him whether he's filled in an accident report.

At 10 and 13 they should know right from wrong!! If they don't I would question your parenting as well not just you exs

In a domestic setting, yes, the kids should behave. In an industrial setting, the stakes are too high. A moment of inattention or failed impulse control can go terribly wrong. There are rules to protect the adults working there so there definitely needs to be more care taken of the kids.

The history of physical abuse potentially casts this in a different light for various reasons. Not suggesting he has been abusive towards the boys but could his general behaviour mean he is willfully neglectful? Also - I can definitely see how your history might make communication directly more challenging

They should not be at his workplace. If he cannot find childcare he cannot have them. Text him this. This is not something to discuss, this is the line.

Just tell your kids to stop being little twats. Of course you shouldn't call social services, that's beyond extreme, and it's not fair on the kids and what you would put them through if you did.

I think OOTT
but would communicate with their dad that you dont think they should be in workshop unless closely supervised. Also at that age they are a bit old for that behaviour

If one of her kids had their hand cut of or badly mangled I'm sure they would get involved anyway ...

op this is a safeguarding issue to me. Kids shouldn't be left unsupervised in dangerous areas. If you've asked and he has ignored then yes I probably would..

YABU

At 13 and 10 your dc should be able to be trusted to not do stupid things around machinery.
Our friends take their 7 year old into the business and have taught him about health and safety. He is given the odd small job to do that's age appropriate.

Seems natural to me that kids would want to play/investigate. And may not have the judgement to foresee possible consequences. That's why they need grown ups. Time for ex to start acting as one, and setting some clear workshop ground rules.

Good that DC are OK, but you're right, an 8foot fall to concrete could have had life changing consequences.

Is there some way to convey your concern to ex, trying to not blame, but just deal with this issue.
I used to have to bend over backwards to not critisise exh, not because I didn't feel critical, but because it was usually counterproductive. I had to find a way of being really clear about what simply wouldn't do in child safety issues, whilst my tone was almost sympathetic to him.

Shouting and stroppy works better with some blokes, worse with others. When our children's safety is at stake, we have to put our own feelings on one side, and simply do whatever is most effective.
Oh, the joys of parenting alongside someone we can no longer get along with.
Good luck.

If you contact SS they are likely to just tell you that, as their parent, it is your responsibility to keep them safe so, you should stop contact. Then, if he takes you to court, they won't support you by writing a report saying that they believe they are at risk in his care.

I imagine the health and safety executive would be interested though so I suggest you tear a strip off your DCs for their behaviour and tell your ex that if any more injuries related to his work occur, you will report him to them.

Go to the worst case scenario- one of the children is maimed while larking about in the engineering workshop. The company gets into a lot of trouble and is likely to be prosecuted.
Do you take that risk or do you act now? I'd act now as I'd prefer that my children were not maimed.
Clearly the ex is irresponsible and foolish, so it's up to you to do the right thing. Ask him to look after them appropriately or go to SS. No question.
Why should you risk their health and well being to keep him from getting annoyed? Weird attitudes on here.

Seeking sugar - I am willing to bet SS will not be interested in this

They are not 4 and 5! They should be fine and know not to mess about but they've proven to have bad judgment and your ex should monitor a bit more closely and also needs to tell them in no uncertain terms that that sort of messing in the workshop is completely unacceptable. He needs to monitor more closely until they prove to be more trustworthy.

Calling SS is totally unreasonable.

I feel that some of these responses are minimising how bad it is that the ex is letting the kids roam the workshop unsupervised. This is hugely dangerous and should not occur. Ideally there would be a conversation in which the ex agreed he would not take the kids to work again. But if he persists in leaving them in this environment then the situation is going to have to be escalated - and in circumstances where the ex has been abusive in the past I don't think SS sound inappropriate.