To not give a shit that MIL is sick

[mumwhatnothing]

MIL has just been diagnosed with dementia and I couldn't give a stuff. She completely trashed my husbands life when she and FIL thought that sexually abusing him was ok. She tried to manipulate me and attacked me when I warned her to stay far far away from me and my children (husband makes up his own mind on contact).

She has always been an alcoholic but now she has dementia and I don't care...but I feel like I should at least for my husbands sake. My own mum died recently so I know what he might be feeling but I am finding it very difficult to have any sympathy. I feel like a dreadful person but as far as I am concerned she should just go die and let my DH move on with his life properly. Thing is she now wants more contact with DH and photos if not contact with our children. I am so angry about her trying to manipulate again and using her illness as an excuse. WIBU to just let her stew in her own juices and keep zero contact with my children, DH will make up his own mind for himself but we do discuss it. I have always made sure DH knows that I do not want him to stop contact with his parents but our children will never be included which DH is fine with. AIBU or are my feelings reasonable in this case?

No photos or contact with kids. If I have understood your post correctly, she is a paedophile.

If your husband wants contact then it is his decision. Follow his lead in supporting him but keep your kids out totally.

Also, having experienced a close family friend with dementia he became very sexually inappropriate. Exposing himself to kids etc. The drs said the first thing to go was inhibitions so he may have had those feelings all along. She may get worse.

Illness does not make someone nice. She is now just a paedophile with dementia

Do you know that the dementia diagnosis is true? Or is she still playing games?

If she's always been an evil cow then now she's an evil cow who's ill and one day she will be an evil cow who is dead .
Do what's best for you and your children

your husband is blessed with you. you and your children are the love in his life. i fou
nd it hard to care too much about my mil

I agree with others and have experience as my own parents were good people but not good parents so although not abuse, there were very deep seated issues.
My husband stood by me 100% and thankfully he did as problems were never resolved before my dad died and I still need support now. My brothers fiancée seemed not to care st all and really didn't support him - it broke them. Although the relationship between my dad and him was complex and not great he still loved him deeply, it's his dad, and if anything he needed more support
Hope That's helpful - but yes, regarding her illness I'd feel like you too, she's not a good person or parent so she's now got to deal with this but it wouldn't let it make me lose sleep !

Firstly if you're worried about what your DH thinks of you why don't you tell him that you completely empathise with how he is feeling but whilst you will try to be there for him fully if not as much as possible, you cannot feel the same level of sympathy for her. You sympathy lies with him alone.

Secondly, from a ten steps back completely stranger position, it seems your DC don't have a relationship with your ILs. If MIL really does have demetia would it be worthwhile for them to have one now, or would it be better for them to not have to go through seeing their GM fail and fade? That's something that only you two can really answer, but I suspect given how she was pre-diagnosis you may find yourself coming down on more harm than good for the DCs.

Sorry my initial post was in sleep deprived fug. Yanbu to not care about Mil, but that doesn't stop you supporting dh. Totally up to you as to whether you want to give her more (photos etc) but totally NU to not do what she wants.

""she should just go die and let my DH move on with his life properly""

I and mt Sibling come from an abusive background. On my Father and Mothers death i felt relief,but sadness for the childhood that i never had etc.

My Mothers death triggered something in my Sister and she's suffered from severe depression. So be prepared for what the ill health and death of his Mum could cause. I was really conflicted when my Mum was dying.

Don't give her any more access into your and your children's lives.

Your feelings are yours and it's not like he's losing his Mum, as others have/are, but it's still happening and he hasn't gone NC.

You can only support him through what this brings up.

It's called karma. Yanbu at all!

Another supporting your stand point. I empathise as when my bullying FIL died suddenly I felt a huge sense of relief. Years later my husband admits his grief was also tinged with relief. I'm afraid people reap as they sow. You can't expect to be mourned when you've made people's lives difficult. Support your DH that's all anyone can ask of you.