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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my friend should tell her fiance?

48 replies

CharliesSister · 08/04/2017 16:08

My friend has been with her DP for 3 years, they're getting married in the summer.
They met online yet their "first meet" story is much cuter; they'd been chatting for a couple of weeks online when my Friend's (let's call her Sarah) car broke down in front of the pub her Fiance (*Eric) was working.
It was fairly late, so she went into the pub to get a drink and wait for the AA. Unbeknownst to her, Eric was working behind the bar and served her. As they'd never met in person before, they didn't immediately recognise one another. She was there for several hours and they chatted the whole time, getting on like a house on fire. It wasn't long that they realised that they already "knew" one another. Obviously they're together now, blissfully happy. It all seemed like a dream come true and that fate had broken down Sarah's car that night, right next to Eric.

HOWEVER, I've just found out from Sarah that this wasn't actually the lovely coincidence it seems. She actually knew that Eric worked at that pub and, wanting to meet him without any pressure, went in there under the pretence of her car having broken down.

Sarah's absolutely lovely, not manipulative or sneaky at all, but pretty shy; she says that she really liked him but wanted to meet without first date pressure, as she'd had a few really nasty first date experiences (one guy was really quite abusive).

Eric has absolutely no idea.

Now I'm fully aware this is between them, and it's really none of my business - and I'm not going to make it my business! However, I can't actually figure out whether SIBU by keeping this a secret or not. Eric, as far as I'm aware, has never spoken about their first meet and he absolutely adores her.

OP posts:

Original poster

CharliesSister · 08/04/2017 16:39

Just to clarify, Sarah asked my advice. I've not really got a strong opinion either way, thus the AIBU.
Though I was expecting people to side heavily on telling him!

OP posts:

BonnyScotland · 08/04/2017 16:41

it sounds more like You are keen for him to know.. and the magical tale of their meeting should be exposed as a lie ?

I suspect that if she tells him... he will be happy that she took the initiative x

Bluntness100 · 08/04/2017 16:43

it sounds more like You are keen for him to know.. and the magical tale of their meeting should be exposed as a lie ?

This. Are you a little jealous of their relationship?

She's no need to tell him, it's totally and utterly irrelevant. They did meet and they did fall in love, end of.

Original poster

CharliesSister · 08/04/2017 16:43

BonnyScotland Ouch! No, not at all. I want her to be happy!

OP posts:

GoodDayToYou · 08/04/2017 16:45

It's a lovely story either way. I'd leave them to it.

I know someone who pretended to be Australian when she met her husband. She obviously wasn't expecting to end up with him! I believe she kept the accent up even through the wedding ceremony, gradually easing out of it over time. Of course, it came out eventually, but they've been together decades now and he knows her well - it's one of their funny stories.

Original poster

CharliesSister · 08/04/2017 16:46

I believe she kept the accent up even through the wedding ceremony, gradually easing out of it over time Noooooo?! Okay, well that puts it in perspective!

OP posts:

Billben · 08/04/2017 16:48

Good on Sarah, in my opinion. I probably would have done the same. She is shy, first dates can be very stressful and she's had some bad luck with guys recently. Tell her not to lose sleep over this as they are obviously meant for each other. Good luck to them for the future.

TiredCluelessMummy · 08/04/2017 16:51

I love how many people are getting all snooty and telling you not to get involved, it's weird that you care etc. You were pretty clear in your OP that you don't intend to get involved. Like most AIBUs, this is just something that has come up in conversation and you're wondering what other people's perspective is. It's just something and nothing to chat about online. From your subsequent posts it sounds like you've had the sense to change the story so that it's not identifying so, again, there's no need to jump down your throat for that. Do the people complaining about this thread realise that most of mumsnet would not actually exist for you to read and comment on if people only ever posted about things that directly affected them and were of life or death importance?

purpleshortcake · 08/04/2017 16:52

I think he might be flattered!

khajiit13 · 08/04/2017 16:54

I really can't see what difference that makes. She wanted to check out the person she was chatting to online and didn't want to look too forward, what's wrong with that? I don't think it matters if he knows or not

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2017 16:57

This is just so cute. It really doesn't matter if she tells him or not. I'm sure it won't make a jot of difference to how he feels about her.

TicTacToe12 · 08/04/2017 16:58

Nose out. None of your business and for the record, it is a total non-issue that sounds like a wishy washy meet-cute movie plot that ended up on the cutting room floor.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 08/04/2017 16:58

I met my dh under a set of bizarre coincidences and its the basis of our first fond memory together. . I would be gutted to find out it had actually been engineered as such. . . If i found out now 5 years down the line I would feel a bit conned tbh. . I would suggest she told him the truth before the wedding.

PoorYorick · 08/04/2017 17:10

He's happy, she's happy, nobody is hurt. Why on earth do you care?

intergalacticbrexitdisco · 08/04/2017 17:21

This is the sort of thing I remember reading in 'My Guy' magazine in the 80's, in articles entitled "How do I get him to notice me?"

Original poster

CharliesSister · 08/04/2017 17:22

TiredCluelessMummy Thank you, I was starting to think I was some kind of interfering Witch.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 08/04/2017 17:27

Who cares? Get a life and let them get on with theirs.

TheAntiBoop · 08/04/2017 17:41

He probably recognised her pretty early on too - I assume they had shared photos by that point

8misskitty8 · 08/04/2017 17:46

None of your business op.

I'd also ask for this to be removed in case it ends up in a certain paper.

ijustwannadance · 08/04/2017 17:47

If the'd been chatting online for a while and knew where he worked etc. All it would take is a few minutes searching facebook/google to find a photo of him.

It's most likely he already knows her story is bullshit but just doesn't care.

CuppaSarah · 08/04/2017 17:51

I think the story is much cuter with her pretending the car broke down just to meet him. I mean it is a little creepy, but not much worse than facebook stalking. He probably guessed the truth and never said anything to save her the embarrassment

EpoxyResin · 08/04/2017 17:57

I don't think it's and less lovely whichever way the story's told, and I'm sure Eric wouldn't either. I'm surprised Sarah's so bothered - this is not what they're talking about when people lament a relationship based on a lie - but if she IS bothered she should tell. If I were Eric i'd be kind of confused though; if probably be waiting for the twist in the tale that would make it a big deal, and that twist would never come! But if be happy if Sarah were happy.

astridfarnsworth · 08/04/2017 19:03

It's almost as if people haven't read the OP or her subsequent posts . Of course it's just something to chat about online. If Sarah is upset about it she should just tell him. He probably already knows/guessed.

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