AIBU to expect ex to move his contact to weekdays in the school holidays and take annual leave from work to cover this?
A lot of history, but here is some background if anyone has time to read? Ex has two DC just one Sat afternoon/early evening a fortnight. This has evolved over a number of years. Originally had a full weekend a fortnight but has since moved in with someone without children and DC do not like staying in (what has been made very clear to them is) her house. This house is 50 miles away. He now just collects them the one Saturday afternoon a fortnight, has them locally and drops back. Refuses to do the same on the Sunday. No overnights (DC's choice). DC fully resident with me. No court arrangements for custody or contact.
Ex has always refused to do any afterschool pickups or tea in the week as says he has to work. He has a company car, often travels through our area for work, but refuses to arrange his appointments or take the odd afternoon annual leave to see them after school in the week. I also work full time but do all the school drop off, pickups (some with after school club), scool assemblies and dentist and doctor appointments and so on. I pay for all the after school activities and transport to and from. Also the actual after school childcare club and holiday club. I buy back extra annual leave from work which reduces my income. I earn just over half of what he does as without child care commitments, he has been able to have several job changes and promotions since he left the family. He pays maintenance at the minimum level he can through CSA, no extras.
For a couple of years, I arranged that the weekend contact (just during school holidays), would move to weekdays instead . One day a week approximately. This seemed fairer. Since moving in with the new woman (no children), he has refused to do this and says he can do no weekday holiday cover whatsoever. He blames this on his job. He did no cover at October Half-Term Christmas, Feb Half-Term and now Easter. I suspect new woman wants him to save all leave for holidays with her. They have a very child-free lifestyle together.
We have the situation today where I offered him the choice of one day from three possible last week and three possible next week and has refused. He says he is attending for contact today as usual....with sub-text that he calls the shots over contact time.
He has texted DC (teen and tween) to be ready at certain time and they are now refusing to go on the day out we had planned and want to sit in and for him instead. Youngest is crying.
So two AIBU's really. Am IBU for switching days in holidays, and if not, is there anything I can do about it in the future? And AIBU to continue with day out given distress of youngest (11), or should I cancel so she can see him. If I do that, I do really feel at his beck and call and as if I am employed by him almost; to bring up his children with aa little cost and effort to himself as possible and have them ready for his convenience. But have a distressed DD.
Sorry if this is not a real AIBU, I wanted a range of views if poss. Thanks.