AIBU to expect my mum to support me?

[PastysPrincess]

I told my mum I had an interview for a promotion at work. It would be a massive step up for me responsibility wise and would carry an £8k pay rise. I'm chuffed to have even gotten an interview but the best my mum can come up with is

"could be they're just covering their butts cos you're the only female candidate?"

AIBU to expect my mum to be more supportive than that?

Ah, fair enough.

Good luck in your interview. ☘☘☘ Hope you get the job.

Did you really mean to wear that? Yes mum, it is my new suit.
What's that mark on your face? That is a spot mum, remember those?
That makes you look ill. Really? You told me I looked great in it the other day.
No one will appreciate your work. Really? That is why I have been promoted
It is only a token interview. No mum, it is an interview.
Don't put the time in, they will make you redundant and then it will have been wasted. ?????????!!!!!

Sound familiar?

In fairness, if you emphasised to her that it's a huge step up and you're surprised to have got an interview, she might misguidedly feel like she is 'managing expectations' by suggesting another reason why you've got an interview unexpectedly. That's the kind of thing my mum would do anyway.

When I got my counselling diploma my mother told me that she couldn't imagine why anyone would want my services as I'd made a right mess of my own life.

You can't please everyone, I'm expecting her views are generally pretty much the same. I just wouldn't ask her.

Congratulations though

I've always had a good relationship with my mum but she always has to be right. It's taken me a long time to start seeing that actually a lot of what she says is really mean. My DS isn't speaking yet and he is under the care of about 5 different specialist teams. She will outright disagree with all of them despite not having expertise herself other than she was a teacher 25 years ago and I had glue ear as a child. She even suggested the cause of him not speaking was DH (SAHD) not talking to him even though she wouldn't know either way as she lives in a different bloody country. My eyes are being opened.

Difficult, isn't it? My Mum is mostly great, but she too sometimes tries to 'manage my expectations'. It always feels like a slap in the face. Worse for you if your Mum does it often. Fortunately, I generally prove mine wrong. Hope you can too with this job. Good luck.

I would just not bother telling her anything about what's going on in your life, and if she ever asks why you didn't tell her stuff, you can just say that she was always so negative about everything you told her, and it was getting you down, do the easiest way to solve that problem was to stop telling her things.

I'm not going to bother anymore. I found out via the office grapevine that there were a huge number of applications for the job so they could have had anyone. Some of my equals didn't get an interview either; I went to message my mum but stopped myself cos I knew it wouldn't make a difference. I've got to stop needing her approval to be be proud of myself.

Interview booked for 12pm Friday 28th. Eek!

Congrats OP! My DM can be a bit like this too, she's fab in some ways but seems to finds it hard when anyone ever says anything nice about me, like she has to skim the joy off it. She teases me at family gatherings, but is full of compliments for DH and DS (when I'd made some jam she just assumed DH had made it and told him several times how lovely 'his' jam was, even when we'd both told her with increasing irritation that I'd made it) and years ago, when an ex boyfriend's mum met her and said how nice I was, the best she could manage was 'well she has her moments.' I think is genuinely proud of me but she seems to find it awkward to admit it.

Congratulations. Well done.

My DM would be exactly the same.

" Are you sure you could cope with it"

" It will be too much for you"

I just ignore. She had many other good qualities.

Has!

@Tinkerbec is that what you call a freudian slip??

I've just had the call to say I didn't get that job. They said I interviewed well but just not as good as some of the others.

On the bright side I've also had my performance review for my current job and I've done really well so I'm still getting an 8.5% payrise and a bonus....

and I've not told my mum any of this cos I don't need to hear it.