AIBU to what my partner said to me??

[midnightswirls]

I don't know if I'm over reacting because of my past. I was with an abusive ex who mentally and emotionally abused me. My current partner knows all about it. Anyway we were talking and something came on TV about strip clubs. He asked if I would ever mind if he went to one. I said no as long as you don't have a private dance. I then asked if he had one in the past and said yea. I asked weren't it awkward and he was like no! I then said if you got a dance while with me you wouldn't tell me anyway way. And his response was no I probably wouldn't! I mean AIBU to be annoyed at his response? I was a little bit shocked he even said that. Don't know if I'm being sensitive because of my past.

"donquixotedelamancha not just people in open relationships. I'm not in nor have even been in one and feel the same as the op."

I know many people would be fine with it. I used the open relationship idea as an extreme example to illustrate that OP can't just assume that her DP should have the exact same expectations without asking.

I'm surprised some people think OP should have left it- to me the entire nature of a relationship is you have chat's like this and form a common understanding. I can't get my head around asking and then just saying nothing if OP is so bothered.

donquixotedelamancha i get you now.
No i agree, i wouldn't leave it either!

I did bring it up later that evening and I made perfectly clear what my boundaries were. That was I'm ok with him in a strip club just no private dances. He agreed with me and said he wouldn't anyway. I did say if I found out you ever get one while we are together then that would be a deal breaker for me and I couldn't continue the relationship

I did bring it up later that evening and I made perfectly clear what my boundaries were. That was I'm ok with him in a strip club just no private dances. He agreed with me and said he wouldn't anyway. I did say if I found out you ever get one while we are together then that would be a deal breaker for me and I couldn't continue the relationship

Then he knows where you stand on the matter.
He knows from now that if he were to have a dance it would be game over and i think that's fair.
I think you may have to draw a line under what was sAid before.
likely has never had a dance whilst you were together, if he did he didn't know your feelings on them.
You are both clear on how you feel.

Agreed kali thanks for understanding my point of view

Agreed kali thanks for understanding my point of view

It's ok, i'd be upset too if my dh had said that.