To think should be able to have confidential conversation with my brother

[LovelyBath77]

without it involving SIL?

Our parents are difficult. I was discussing it with him, and after she asked, what were we talking about? She also seems to see his FB messages to me. I find it strange. Can;t imagine getting involved in problems she had with her parents. it wouldn't be my business.

Yeah, sad as it is it, it sounds like it's best not to talk to your brother about it at the moment. From your first post it sounded like they were just normally sharing things and having opinions. If your sil is getting embroiled by your Mum things could get messier.

You could say to your brother that you don't want him to be in a difficult position and won't discuss it too much for a while. But absolutely keep a relationship going with him. Some people like your sil probably will never get it until they experience it for themselves. Then she's getting the story from your mum too.

I find it hard enough with some siblings and they know what my Mum is like. Over the years they have experienced someone who is difficult, sulky, critical and not nice to their partners. I've had that same difficult side plus for the last year, when their backs are turned, sneering, mocking, hiding my things, throwing my possessions, mimicking me, passive aggresive coments about how I don't love her (no shit), digs galore. Basic playground bullying. I'm sure there's a couple who can't understand why I'm refusing to overlook the behaviour towards be now. To quote Trump She crossed many lines for me.

I think you should be able to speak confidentially to your brother without it going any further - but you might need to be explicit with him to make sure he knows that includes his wife, as it appears that lots of people believe that telling your partner doesn't count ( I read the last thread too).

I don't ever ask DH what he talks to his sister about. He tells me sometimes but I don't ask- other than to say 'How is SIL?'. BUt if he wants to tell me he does.

Him discussing it with his wife is fine.

Her butting in on your conversations with him, or wading in with unwanted advice is not fine. What he chooses to discuss with him is up to her, but you shouldnt be expected to do that too, she is his wife not yours!

I would suggest saying "Thanks for your message but I prefer to discuss with this DBro". She wont like it but at least she should stop sticking her oar in with you. Some people just dont like thinking that they are missing something.....