...in slightly resenting Sunday lunch at mil's to take 4-5 hrs when she's only 20 minutes away ?

[wanderingstar]

...that's it really. I'm happy to go, just not for so long each time, ie. about once a fortnight. She is elderly and a bit fussy but basically OK. Dh has 3 siblings, and a couple of his neices nephews are grown up so there's always lots of company dropping in either for lunch or for half an hour at some point in the afternoon.

But dh makes it clear there's an invisible 3 line whip which states we need to be there at 12.30 latest (when "lunch" is invariably 2.30 or beyond - don't ask...) and to stay until 5pm or so at least.

We have 4 dc and quite frankly there's SO much domestic stuff to do on a Sunday, quite apart from sometimes wanting to take the younger children swimming, or to a farmer's market, or sometimes just chilling at home...I do sometimes stay behind by an hour or so with 2 of the children, especially if the older ones, 11 and 13, have a lot of homework, or exams looming, but it's always on the basis of "How long will you be ?" "Tell them to be quick " etc. So not proper time to myself or time to anything else with iyswim.

I just think it would be no less friendly if we sometimes just stayed for a shorter time, while still having lots of chat, lunch etc. The whole day just goes and I do sometimes get a bit fed up.
I sometimes suggest "just popping in later for a couple of hours" after the zoo/ museum/time together at home...but it doesn't go down well !

Yep. But the main thing is DH is not your boss, you don’t need his permission. Just decide how you want it to be, and do that.

I sounds like Sunday lunch in the 70s, when nothing was open and there was nothing else to do..

Totally with you, I HATE a long visit. I’m not the most outgoing person socially but will chat away but be very exhausted after it and hit a point where I just want it to end. My in laws insist on really overstaying their welcome when they come to our house and they don’t stay that far away. They often come at night during the week as well and want to be involved in our toddler’s bath time etc, when they don’t actually know how to do anything so you just end up with them in the road. That sounds like they make a lot of effort with him when they don’t actually, they don’t very often visit but when they do they never leave 🙈 I grudged it when he was a newborn, we’d hardly ever see them before and suddenly I was sitting through (ouch) multiple 4 hour visits in a week for them to frantically rock the baby and pass him back and forwards like it was all a big game.

My husband is a pushover with them though and I feel like other than me being really rude, they just overstep the mark when they’re there and overstay their welcome every time

What’s the obsession with 2007 zombie threads?

The 13yo mentioned in the OP is now 28 so I’m sure a solution has been found in the last 15 years since this was posted.

This in spades.
My gran is in her final days and I would happily give up any ‘me time’ for more time with her.

As the mil was already elderly in 2007, it unfortunately might no longer apply!