Jealous?

[Orangeseed]

OK, so I expect the answer to be that IABU with a hint of jealous but....
I am pregnant with my DH it will be our third child, we are happy and well set up to care for the child, financially, emotionally etc, however our families have not been overly happy for us, not unhappy, more just totally not bothered. (Some support would have been nice as it has been a very difficult pregnancy so far)

Today DHs niece has announced that she is pregnant and his family are absolutely ecstatic! Over the top happy, all over social media, actually stopping strangers in the street to tell them of the wonderful news! She's 17, not even a year since she left school, no boyfriend, no job , no place of her own to live, not planned.

I'm feeling quite hurt that my baby seems to mean so little to them and this other one is attracting such jubilation.

I know people will think that selfish of me, but I needed to vent.

You need to get these people out of your children's lives.

""But I'd not be shouting from the rooftops about a 17 y.o. who was pregnant either. ""

I had that attitude conveyed to me time and time again,when i was that pregnant 17 year old. Parenting wise, i'd put myself up against anyone. My children haven't turned out any worse (and in some cases a lot better),than the 20/30 somethings that were pregnant at the time. My pregnancy and baby wasn't less valid because of my age. What else should we make babies less valid for, colour, location of birth, disabilities?

I'm glad that the OP is pointing out that she doesn't necessarily need more support than the OP.

OP, you should challenge them about the disregard they've shown towards your pregnancy.

Unless your the type who bans visitors for weeks then rations contact, then it shouldn't just be let go.

I had something similar with PILs. . I even had comments on how fat I was getting during my high risk pregnancies ( I am a size 12). Years later PILs cannot understand why my children are closer to my relatives

I know its hard but I would not let your children see this behaviour. If you do nothing about it you then normalise it. They are not valued by your family so why put them through the wringer of hot and cold contact with your relatives. They will never reach out and you will have to work so hard and pretend its normal.

I'd walk away to protect your children to be honest.

I think they are knowingly undermining you because THEY are envious of you and the sort of life you lead. It's not at all nice but try to rise above it.

You have a husband, who does she have? No boyfriend as you said earlier, no job, etc. She is probably scared shitless. I was trying to be sympathetic before and show you the other side but from your reply you do just sound jealous that she's getting attention and you're not she is still incredibly young and will need lots more support than you, yes! You're an adult. Be the mature one here, look past your own situation.

And re-read my message. I said she needed more support than you, not all of the support.

I'd imagine that reality will set in when they have to give a fair bit of themselves to supporting a young person with twin babies.
Yes, I agree that it's not all doom and gloom (I had 2 by 19) but in reality she will probably find having twins as a lone parent with no Incone pretty hard going.
It does sound as if they are prempting a negative reaction from others so projecting a good front.

So.....I have thought about this a lot and I'm coming to the conclusion that what I'm feeling is definitely not jealousy, more a bitter resentment of the way my DC are treated by dh's side of the family, most importantly mil. She lives a ten minute bus ride away and passes our house on a weekly basis when she goes to the bank, but in over 6 years since we had our first DC she has been to our house about 5 times (we welcome visitors at any times as long as they just call/txt to check we are in) and that has been when dh has collected her. She didn't see our 2nd DC until he was 4 weeks old (we were both to ill to leave the house) and she couldn't be bothered to come to us. She never even called when DC was seriously ill in hospital at 11 months old. And as I have mentioned already has forgotten both children's birthdays in the last month!
We've been annoyed about the situation for years but remained quiet and still taken DC regularly to see his family but I think I may well put a stop to that now, I cannot bear to watch them playing second fiddle to other family members any more, particularly since my DC are getting to the ages where they will notice.
Incidentally I have a sister in law who is pregnant and don't have any problem with her "sharing the limelight" and during my other pregnancies I have had other family members expecting at the same time and the excitement has been shared and equal, eg my aunt was delighted to be getting a grandchild and great niece at the same time.
So they can carry on acting like they have won the lottery but neither myself or DC will be any part of it, dh can make up his own mind.

It sounds like they are trying to convince themselves and others that having a baby at 17 is the best thing that could happen. When obviously it at far from ideal. At least they're trying to support her and make the best of a situation they can't change. I think it's good that the DC will be born in to a loving family with plenty of support - they'll need it.

YANBU to feel how you feel though.

Sorry your having a rough pregnancy

But by sounds of it, you have an amazing close family, husband & children (unlike the 17yr old niece! Oh yeah I went there!) for support, and honestly that's all you need.

Like you have said, his family are not giving your children anything but second rate attention, there's no point in contact as they already have your side of the family who treat them how they deserve.

X

all babies are to be celebrated but if my jobless ,single 17 yr old was pregnant with twins i would be far from thrilled tbh.

x2boys - exactly ALL babies are to be celebrated, but in this situation its exclusively reserved for hers and was never expressed for ANY of mine!

As an aside to those saying I have a husband, if you read another thread of mine you would soon realise that it could be described as a difficult marriage at best, at worse abusive, so please don't assume that he is a doting husband, but I try to make my family work, however much work that takes.

I cannot imagine a worse situation for that 17 year old to be in, frankly. They may well be overcompensating in her case because in reality they are horrified by what has happened to her.

However, OP, you are being treated badly by them and I would stop letting them treat you like this. They don't deserve you. Stop the contact.

Also the girl in question is absolutely delighted to be pregnant, not upset in the slightest or worried about the consequences of her actions for her/ the children or the father. Unfortunately in the area in which they live, pregnancy is seen as a bit of a fastrack onto a life of free money and housing (think all of the worst benefit Britain style TV programs and you're there). Her mum and gm both had their first DC at 17 so its very much history repeating. Her friends (many of whom already have their own dc ) are also incredibly happy and congratulatory. Honestly she's acting like Beyonce, I'm expecting her to have some tacky photoshoot anytime soon lol.
She's already spending money like its going out of fashion on the babies (given to her by family).

Coming from a similar background I have worked incredibly hard to provide for myself and made compromises like having hand me down baby clothes and cots etc bought second hand from colleagues to save money.

And before anyone thinks it, I don't look down on young parents, I know many people who have had children young and are wonderful, caring, hardworking families, who I respect massively.
I delayed starting my family until I was in a secure career and home, nature delayed it a bit more by giving me fertility problems, but I'm in a blessed position now, I just will no longer welcome them to be any part of it.