to find this match-making waiter overstepped the mark?

[Tryintohelp]

I was out for dinner with a very good friend, who happens to be an ex from many years ago. We have good chemistry but I'd never consider marrying him (and suspect he wouldn't want to either). We also both have long-time partners (who actively encourage our friendship).

Anyway, at this restaurant the waiter decided we were a couple out on a date and made repeated comments through the evening about how sweet we were together, how it was 'meant to be', our chemistry.

At the first comment we just sort of laughed at each other and didn't bother correcting the waiter, as it started fairly innocuously - it's not the first time a waiter has assumed he's the father of my baby or something, but usually it's one comment and finish. Then it got worse - and to the point where it became (1) a bit awkward between us - elephant in the room and all that, and (2) where we couldn't correct the waiter without it become rather embarrassing and possibly looking like we were having an affair!

AIBU to be slightly annoyed with the waiter for misreading the situation, continuing with the intrusive comments, not noticing I had a wedding ring so was unlikely to be out on an early date with this chap?! Surely that's a step too far for waiting staff. Or should we have corrected him straight off?

It all sounds a bit adolescent and needy

Most people do not notice any ring a wedding ring when out and about..

I was with a gay friend having dinner with my biracial child.

He mentioned Haha, they think we are couple who adopted a child.

People live in their own fantasies. Whatever, who cares.

You are giving off "there's a thing" vibes here. I imagine you did in the restaurant.

I think you love it..

Well, I look for chemistry with female friends as well - there are just different degrees of chemistry with different people. If you have enough chemistry with someone and are single then chances are at some point you're going to see if it means anything more. If you then discover that a romantic relationship doesn't work, and you're better as a close friend, you can remove the romance but not the love and chemistry.

Why lose a wonderful friend just because you have tried a romantic relationship and it didn't work? Why lose a wonderful friend because you (horror) have chemistry? It doesn't make sense, and as long as other halves don't have a problem, I don't see why anyone else should.

Ok think I just feel old and boring. The only chemistry here is ds and his volcano

You're kidding yourself if you think your respective partners don't mind that you have 'chemistry' with your ex which is so obvious and uncontrolled in public that everyone assumes you are dating/married.

Oh come on OP.

No one has a problem with it.

But you're jumping up and down saying 'look! Look at us! The waiter thought we were together! It happens loads!'

But then, I've spent a lot of my day dealing with teenage dramas, so maybe I'm being unfair...

Waiters do his with me and my bro all the time - I just correct them in my deepest Scots brogue 'there's nae bloody romance here pal, he's ma fuckin brahr likesae ken aye' and sniff really unattractively, wiping my nose aggressively with the back of my hand. I don't know why.

I only really mentioned the chemistry because I realise it's not the waiter's fault if he assumed something, I know it's not uncommon to assume it - in fact as others have shown, if two people of opposite sex go out, even as colleagues, it's often assumed they're together. What I was wondering about was whether the waiter was being reasonable to keep on and on. If we HAD been single and on the first or second date this waiter assumed, it would have made for a bloody awkward date. I just feel the comments aren't appropriate.

Stealth

OK, what do you mean by chemistry? Maybe we mean different things...

Chemistry to me means sharing a sense of humour, finishing each other's sentences, animated, in depth discussions, rather than talking gossip or day to day stuff. I guess if you saw us we'd be leaning towards each other, eye contact, laughing, talking quickly and bouncing off each other, waving our hands.

I agree that you seem to be revelling in the fact that you have such good chemistry you were mistaken for a couple and complaining about it at the same time.
The waiter wasn't unreasonable imo. You didn't correct his assumption so he thought he was right. I don't expect waiting staff to study my jewellery for clues. I expect them to bring food and make friendly conversation.
He likely gave far less of a shit about your relationship status than you think he did/should.

Just introduce your dinner date as your brother, job done.

I don't think I revel in it, I'm just trying to explain what I mean, and clearly doing a bad job. When this happens I normally find it mildly amusing, but this waiter was something altogether different. He was invested. We both found it actually weird.

Anyway, next time I'll correct the mistake straight off.

Thanks.

Honestly if if I was out with my boyfriend, I'd find comments about us being made for each other or sweet together odd. Fair enough, are you celebrating or enjoy your evening, but I think you got a odd waiter to be fair!

I was once out with my dad and we were mistaken for a couple! My dad started stammering that I was his daughter and he had just been young when he had me, I burst out laughing and the poor waiter looked like he wanted to die!

Thanks Emboo that's what I thought.

I've had the embarrassed waiter situation in the past, hence allowing a remark to pass. Your poor dad.

We got a couple massage once and the lady said 'you here and your brother there'

Awkward, but funny.