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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask these friends not to smoke near DC?

23 replies

luckylucky24 · 06/04/2017 07:50

I am meeting 3 friends today at the park. One is a friend of a friend. She smokes as does one of my other friends but not usually in our company with kids present.
Friend of friend smokes around her kids all the time. We are meeting in the park and I imagine she would, as is normal to her, have a smoke whilst there.
The problem is that my youngest (18m) suffers with bad asthma and gets chest infections very easily. I really do not want to be an ass but I do not want either of them smoking around DD (or DS to be honest) but as it is an open space they have every right.
Is there a way to approach this or should I just go to the other side of the park when they light up? I'd rather not as there is little point in meeting if we don't actually talk to each other but I may not have much choice. WWYD?

OP posts:
Kerberos · 06/04/2017 07:52

Personally I'd cancel.

ProudBadMum · 06/04/2017 07:54

I'm a smoker but wouldn't smoke around children. Especially those with asthma or chest problems

Just mention it. Friends will care

londonrach · 06/04/2017 07:54

Cancel. No one smokes anyone near my dc.

Original poster
luckylucky24 · 06/04/2017 07:54

I could but friend has said she "may" come. So there is a chance this may all be hypothetical. I also rarely get to see the other two as work and children make lives busy but with it being easter hols we are all off with our older children anyway.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 06/04/2017 07:55

Only an arse would smoke around a toddler. And I say that as an ex-smoker.

If she lights up, move away from her. If she gets offended, she is being ridiculous. Not your problem.

Original poster
luckylucky24 · 06/04/2017 07:55

I feel better knowing others would feel the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
luckylucky24 · 06/04/2017 07:56

Koala her youngest is 2 and she smokes around him. Always has!

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 06/04/2017 07:57

You can't stop her. You can only make the best choice for your own DC.

Littlelegs19 · 06/04/2017 07:59

I have a 4.5m DS. I started smoking again when he was about 3 months old and quit again last week but I wouldn't ever smoke near him, nor would I smoke near any of my nieces or nephews. if I went out with DH aunt and cousins ( 9 and 7) I didn't even want them see me smoking as they are older and understand what your doing.
My niece is 2.5 and says "mummy's smoking!" 😞

I'd either take myself away from the person smoking and I wouldn't be embarrassed to ask them to not smoke near your children. She can smoke near her children if she wants but not yours.

Original poster
luckylucky24 · 06/04/2017 07:59

I know I cannot stop her trifle, but is it unreasonable to ask?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 06/04/2017 08:02

luckylucky24:

I think so. Smoking is her choice. Whether to spend time with her is yours.

christinarossetti · 06/04/2017 08:03

I would go but move the children away when someone lights up. Not in a pointed way, but just casually.

Then you're not asking the people who smoke to do anything differently. Unless they're chain smoking, you'll still have plenty of time to chat.

Frazzled2207 · 06/04/2017 08:03

I think it probably is a bit unreasonable to ask yes, a very different matter in, say, your house though. Personally I would make other plans.

Original poster
luckylucky24 · 06/04/2017 08:05

I didn't actually arrange to see her, I arranged to see the others and somehow she ended up coming along :(

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 06/04/2017 08:07

YANBU

iwasagirlinavillage · 06/04/2017 08:09

I'd probably say something like "I'm just going to take DD over there while you smoke" not in a horrible way, just letting her know the reason for your exit. If she asks why you can elaborate that she has asthma etc. When I was a smoker I would be the one to walk away when I had a cigarette, regardless of if the people were children or adults.

elQuintoConyo · 06/04/2017 08:10

You'll be in a park. Public place, smoking allowed, smoke disappears into thin air. Plus won't your dc be playing on the swings etc while you sit on a bench?

It wouldn't cross my mind to mention it beforehand or during. However, i would move my child away from the smoker.

Smoking in someone else's house? No, I wouldn't let my child go there - and I wouldn't like it either!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 06/04/2017 08:12

I think you would be unreasonable to ask as it's outdoors, that said smoking in a children's park is awful I think but if she doesn't care about her own kids she'll hardly care about yours. Don't not go just move away

Original poster
luckylucky24 · 06/04/2017 08:16

Elquinto. My youngest is 18months so if she is on swings, I will be pushing her. She will play close by unlike the older kids.

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 06/04/2017 08:18

I would not be in the company of anyone who smokes x

Pohara1 · 06/04/2017 08:22

Our local park allows smoking on the walks but there's no smoking in the playpark area. I'm assuming that yours doesn't do this as you haven't mentioned it. I'm a smoker but I've never smoked in a playpark, I wait until I'm outside the area with kids. Maybe if she does light up a cigarette, ask her to leave the playpark and offer to keep an eye on her kid while she has a smoke.

specialsubject · 06/04/2017 08:34

I hate the turd like stink of the dick sticks as much as anyone, but it is outside. Move upwind and away.

DonaldStott · 06/04/2017 08:37

The parks around ours are all no smoking and has signs up in the play areas. The grassy bits, it is allowed.

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