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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DP is in the wrong about this?

44 replies

PagingDrKarl · 05/04/2017 21:07

I was chatting to DP about some friends who have recently got married. He said the woman "still hadn't" changed her facebook cover photo which he felt was questionable before, but definitely not right now she's married. Said photo is a shot from behind of her walking along a beach in a tight/fairly skimpy bikini. It definitely shows off her body.

I said I thought this was preposterous and archaic: totally up to her what she wants to put as her photo and what the hell does being married have to do with it -- is she now her husband's property?

He said it's not about that: it'd be the same if it were a man posing topless, and if he were her husband he wouldn't like it.

Came around to saying he can "see both points of view" and that it comes down to whether you think being married changes a relationship or not, which he does.

I still feel cross about it! Curious to know whether I'm in a minority on this issue.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 06/04/2017 08:36

Well at least you've had a peek into his mind after marriage. Might be worth sorting that out before you shackle yourself to him.

Original poster
PagingDrKarl · 06/04/2017 08:37

Quite!

OP posts:
pictish · 06/04/2017 09:29

I had assumed this to be a complimentary shot rather than a glamour shot anyway. Is she to tuck it away for his eyes only or some nonsense?

Itaintme · 06/04/2017 09:34

She's still the same person she was before she got married.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 06/04/2017 09:46

Meh, he said he'd think the same for a man. I can't get worked up about it, everyone has their own limits in what they consider is showing too much. He didn't tell her anything, just told you so can't see the harm. There might be something about the marriage thing, like thinking she was keeping her options opened which is a bit daft.

DontPullThatTubeOut · 06/04/2017 12:58

He said he feels the same even if it was a man, how does that make him sexist to women? Some of you like looking for drama and must consequently forget to read.

ittakes2 · 06/04/2017 14:06

Sorry going against majority opinion - while I don't think being married has anything to do with it - I find it odd she has a photo like that on her Facebook in the first place but I have no doubt I'm going to be in the minority. I'd feel the same about a guy posting a photo of him shirtless in FB too.

cardibach · 06/04/2017 14:31

ittakes you find it odd someone has a holiday photo on Facebook? Hmm

Allthebestnamesareused · 06/04/2017 14:39

Hello the 1950s would like your DP back!

kali110 · 06/04/2017 14:49

Wtf? Just because she's married she has to have certain pics Hmm
Or if it was a man?
I would not accept that.

livefornaps · 06/04/2017 14:56

He's trying to cover his arse by saying he'd think the same of a man.

I imagine the photo communicates a lot more than "here's my body" - she probably likes it cos it shows her on her travels, in the sun, happy memories OH, and shock horror, she looked good that day.

Our bodies are not the property of men. I hate that phrase "off the market", as if we're mere commodities. Clearly this is what your partner sees when he looks at a photo like that - this would set alarm bells ringing for me!!!

ittakes2 · 06/04/2017 16:09

cardibach - I don't find it odd she has holiday snaps on facebook - I find it odd she has her cover Facebook photo as a photo of herself in a tight skimpy bikini (words OP used)....but I'm just posting my opinion and accept loads of others don't feel the same.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 06/04/2017 16:12

Of course, one could question exactly why he keeps checking her profile to see if she's changed it yet...

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 06/04/2017 16:13

(Or I could RTFT before posting Grin)

BathshebaDarkstone · 07/04/2017 18:17

Wonder whether I'll be asked to stop my job too so I can cook and clean at home or indeed cook and clean despite working 6 days a week, like my DM. Hmm

Original poster
PagingDrKarl · 07/04/2017 19:28

Apologies, Bathsheba. I wrote clumsily and probably offended you. That's like my DM too (though not usually 6 days a week in her case). I, on the other hand, seem to be incapable of cooking and cleaning as well as holding down my job. Shortcoming on my part: not meant to imply people can't (and don't) do both.

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 07/04/2017 20:08

Oh no, nothing to apologise for, you haven't offended me, the Hmm was about my stepdad who emotionally abused my DM, expected her to do all the cooking and cleaning AND work 6 days a week. I didn't know until recently, and the cunt's dead, and good riddance.

Original poster
PagingDrKarl · 07/04/2017 20:48

Glad I didn't offend you but so sorry to hear about your DM's experience. I hope she has the chance now to be able to choose exactly how she spends her time.

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 08/04/2017 15:38

Oh yes, she's having lots of fun, thanks! Grin

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