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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TO ask about medical managed miscarriage or D&C

21 replies

Freddofrog1983 · 04/04/2017 23:45

Sorry to ask here but I'm really anxious about tomorrow. I had a missed miscarriage a couple of weeks ago at my 12 week scan where baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. I am nearly 15 weeks and have just started bleeding the last couple of days but nothing major.

I have an appointment tomorrow at the early pregnancy unit and when I spoke to them on the phone I asked them about a D&C and they said it is their policy to offer the medical management. I really do not want this and am getting quite anxious about it as I have read and heard some horrible things about it and to be honest I want it all to be over now. Can I ask if this is normal policy for a hospital to not offer D&C. I have anxiety and one of my fears is bleeding to death which may sound silly but because I have been told about heavy bleeding I'm terrified.

Also a little embarrassing but my husband made me orgasm(not interxourse) just before 6 weeks and then I had some brown bleeding which was when my loss happened and now I feel so guilty. Can an orgasm cause a miscarriage? I feel it's my fault. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

rosesandcashmere · 04/04/2017 23:47

I'm very sorry for your loss. Please be assured that none of this is your fault and certainly not caused by an orgasm. Speak to the team tomorrow, if you really do not want it medically managed they will be able to proceed surgically if they feel it's not dangerous etc.. you may need to be referred and wait though :(

Winetemptress · 04/04/2017 23:48

As above and so sorry for your loss

Original poster

Freddofrog1983 · 04/04/2017 23:52

Thank you roseandcashmere, I'm just lying in bed thinking about tomorrow and getting myself all worked up. Is it true with medical managed that they send you home after giving you the tablets or do you stay in hospital? I just don't want them pushing me into something I don't want to do.

OP posts:

Dixiestamp · 05/04/2017 00:18

So sorry to hear about your loss. I had two missed miscarriages and had both methods. For the first I had medical management and was sent home for it to 'do its thing'. I'll be completely honest and say it was quite traumatic, although mine stopped growing at 11'weeks so there was possibly more to 'pass'. Second time I had a D&C so it was all taken care of there and then at the hospital. I'm really sorry to put it so bluntly. I preferred the D&C as the first way took a good few days and prolonged the physical pain. Not sure if that helps at all. I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can- I completely understand what you must be going through.

Waterfeature · 05/04/2017 00:36

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a natural miscarriage a couple of years ago. It was pretty awful (though some people say it's like a heavy period -- it really wasn't for me!). I lost a baby again in my last pregnancy but decided to have ERPC (similar to D&C) and it was better in my experience. Very organised and caring in the hospital and I had to take it easy for two days on medical advice. The emotional side is a different matter of course.

Purpleprickles · 05/04/2017 00:42

I'm really sorry for your loss When I had a mmc I was told if I wanted medical management I could be referred to another hospital (big city) in the trust who offered it as my hospital only offered the ERPC. I wanted the procedure so it wasn't an issue but I wonder if similarly you could be referred to another hospital for the surgical option.

I couldn't have gone through medical management either and if I hadn't have been given the surgical option I was going to push for it on mental health grounds. Not sure if this would have worked as luckily I didn't need too.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

AnUtterIdiot · 05/04/2017 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ktkaye · 05/04/2017 01:07

You absolutely aren't to blame for what has happened OP, although I understand why you feel you might be. We all seek reasons for things but the truth is nature just sometimes decides when something isnt right. Regardless of any platitudes to this effect losing a baby is heartbreaking and as previous posters have said, you need to be kind to yourself. Time is a great healer but it is bound to be a bumpy road for a while. Give yourself time to grieve.

If you don't feel the medical management is right for you please do push for the ERPC. I had one due to similar fears about bleeding and found it to be straightforward and relatively quick to recover from (physically) afterwards. I would not have wanted the trauma and memory of passing the pregnancy whilst conscious. I know for some women this is a Preferred option and others don't have a choice as nature takes over. If you can, be firm in what you would like to happen. It's hard enough without hospitals messing about with options. No one can force you to have a procedure you don't want and your anxieties are absolutely legitimate. Good luck🍀

elliejjtiny · 05/04/2017 03:44

I've had a natural miscarriage and a surgical one and the surgical was a lot less painful, a lot less traumatic and a lot more civilised. It was still horribly sad but it was so much better than the natural one.

HumpHumpWhale · 05/04/2017 04:44

I'm afraid I can't answer your actual question but just wanted to say that I had two miscarriages, 6 weeks and 8 weeks, and neither was that bad physically. Worse than a period but manageable with ibuprofen. Emotionally is a different story, of course, but if you do end up going without the d&c, trey not to panic, it might be similar to my experience which was unpleasant but fine.
The most likely thing is that there was a chromosomal problem which meant the pregnancy couldn't develop. So it was never going to develop into a baby. It's bad luck but very common and you didn't do anything to cause it, honestly.

Justanothernameonthepage · 05/04/2017 05:45

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a medical miscarriage at 19 weeks (baby stopped growing at 14). Physically it wasn't too bad, I took the first pill on the Tuesday and went in to hospital 2 days later. It all went smoothly. I think it helped mentally as well tbh. But that was because it was right for me. But please do talk to them about why you'd prefer a d&v

Justanothernameonthepage · 05/04/2017 05:51

Oh and no, orgasm's do not cause miscarriage so please stop any building anxiety about that.

zaalitje · 05/04/2017 06:34

So sorry you've gone through this OP

I've had two second at 7 weeks and natural, not much more blood than a period, I was surprised how little, first period after was heavy and clotty though.

First was like you, discovered at a scan it has stopped about 6 weeks, had medical management, was given a pessary and went home, cramps were like a bad period, but had been given strong pain killers to deal with it. Nothing for hours then about 8 hours later I passed a jelly like clot, after that just spotting/ light bleed for a two weeks. Again so much lighter than I expected and not like the horror stories I had read.

I opted for medical management over d&c as I thought I would help me deal much better with things, didn't want surgery due to risks of Ashermans etc, however small, as I already have fertility issues, and I felt it being similar to natural would help me cope, also as I was due to go on holiday a couple weeks later I didn't feel I could risk waiting for a natural one to start whilst I was away.

I'd opt for medical again over d&c, in fact I asked for medical with the second, and they scanned me and said it was progressing enough on its own that it wasn't needed.

Original poster

Freddofrog1983 · 05/04/2017 07:16

Thank so for telling me about all of your experiences. Sorry I fell asleep last night. I'm not sure if I have had a twin pregnancy as there are two sacs but neither contain a baby.

I do want to try again and I have also had 3 previous sections so I'm not sure if that would go against me for a D&C anyway due to possibility of more scar tissue.

OP posts:

DisneyMillie · 05/04/2017 07:25

I'm sorry for your loss. I had a medical one with similar weeks to you - I'd got completely worked up after googling experiences but personally for me the physical side wasn't that bad - not much more painful that a bad period and very manageable bleeding. For me it helped with the mental process too. I had to stay in hospital for it but it was just overnight and my dh stayed with me in a private room.

However please do discuss with the hospital and make sure you get whatever you need. Hugs x

SqueezeMeBakingPowder · 05/04/2017 07:39

I had medical management, for 2 miscarriages. It is like a very heavy period and is very painful initially but gets it over with quickly. I spent the day in hospital each time. They give you bed pan type things to go to the toilet in so they can see the clots etc. I had private rooms each time and the staff were very sympathetic and kind. Hope you are ok. X

TooGood2BeFalse · 05/04/2017 08:04

You absolutely did not cause a miscarriage!!! Bless you! Xx sorry for your loss

AppleMagic · 05/04/2017 08:15

I had a medical miscarriage and it was ok. I took a some paracetamol and actually slept through most of it. Pain wise it was much more like a period than labour.

I also wanted to say that even though your baby was the size of a six week old when you discovered the miscarriage, it doesn't mean that it happened when you were six weeks pregnant. I had very frequent scans in the pregnancy I misscarried (for another medical reason), and I saw that my baby grew very slowly between 6 and 8 weeks but then grew normally and actually had a heartbeat until 10.5 weeks. My scan at 11 weeks showed a baby of size about 8/9 weeks with no heartbeat.
Also brown blood is old blood. It was probably old blood from implantation that got shaken out when you orgasmed.

QuizTeamaAguilera · 05/04/2017 08:46

So sorry for your loss I had a medical management last year. Baby had died at 9 weeks, discovered just short of 12 weeks. I was scared of an anaesthetic, and luckily I was able to be admitted straight away, and I wanted to get everything over and done with. I took the tablets on the Sat afternoon and they didn't work, so was in overnight, and took some more on the Sunday (my birthday ) - the second lot worked within 3 hours, everything passed and I was at home later that afternoon. Bleeding was not too heavy, just like a moderate period, and not too painful either. Good luck, it's a such cruel thing to have happen

Original poster

Freddofrog1983 · 05/04/2017 08:55

Thanks everyone. I need to ask them to confirm whether I have lost twins as one sac was a blighted ovum and the other was an empty gestation sac measuring 6 weeks. Obviously as I didn't have any early scans I don't know if a baby even grew in the empty sac the report said no fetal pole or yolk sac visible.

OP posts:

Original poster

Freddofrog1983 · 05/04/2017 18:15

Well after worrying about not being able to have the D&C I am booked in for next week. I'm pleased but hoping I last as I am still bleeding but not heavy at the moment.

OP posts:

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