DD & Barbie shoes - more WWYD

[Nquartz]

DD has a friend round to play, both reception so age 4/5. Friend wanted to take the shoes off DD's Barbies and swap them around. Cue DD running off crying because she didn't want the "wrong" shoes on her Barbies.
The only way to calm her down was to put them back the "right" way. Then I felt bad for the friend because DD had put the kibosh on her fun. DD hasn't reacted like that before to something being "wrong" so wasn't sure how to handle it. Should I have let the friend carry on & left DD upset?

I would've yes

This is awful!
Your poor daughter.
Have you arranged counselling?

Yep

I would have let the friend carry on yes. I would have told dd she can put them back once her friend has gone home.

It would've been a good time to teach your dd that stuff like this isn't the end of the world, and that she could arrange things back to how she liked after her friend had gone

Yeah. Your daughter needs to learn having friends round means they play things their way too

I'd have told dd to go to her room to calm down and come back when she wants to apologise to her friend for acting so badly.

Depends.

If they were obviously the wrong shoes then I can understand your DD's frustration.

It would bug me, especially as Barbie's clothes tend to be very coordinated.

If you otherwise act as though your daughters' barbies are her own, then I do not think you should enforce "sharing" on her when friends visit.

Why not firmly tell the friend that if your DD says no to swapping shoes, then shoes will not be swapped?

Our society is built on the assumption that property is to be respected, I don't see why this should not apply to children.

Your daughter needs to learn having friends round means they play things their way too

And what if the girl then decides that, if having friends round means not being allowed to have boundaries, she doesn't want to have friends? What then?

*If you otherwise act as though your daughters' barbies are her own, then I do not think you should enforce "sharing" on her when friends visit.

Why not firmly tell the friend that if your DD says no to swapping shoes, then shoes will not be swapped?

Our society is built on the assumption that property is to be respected, I don't see why this should not apply to children.*
This made me stop and think! Mmm! Good point!

Yep. As hard as it is to see your child upset your DD needs to learn she can't always have things her way and the best way to help teach her that is not to pander to tantrums and fixing whatever she's crying about.

It depends- did the shoes match the outfit?

I'd have just told her she could change them back later!

Before my dc have friends round i give them the option to put anything they are fussy about away. Everything else is fair game. I try to avoid getting involved in any kind of dispute, in this case i would have left them to sort it out between themselves unless it really got out of hand. Your dd does need to learn that friends won't always play her way even when playing with her toys.

I think the friend needs to learn that if doing something upsets someone else then we don't do it, as a general rule.