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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to uninvite her?

53 replies

sailorcherries · 04/04/2017 15:07

I'll try to keep it short.

At the end of last year OH and I spoke about a short break in the UK over summer. We'd have a newborn (no more than 12 weeks old) but still wanted DS to have a little get away.

We initially thought about Centre Parcs but it was too expensive. My Dsis came over to our house when we were discussing it and she said she'd like to come as it means OH and I could get a break and she'd take DS swimming etc (chances are I won't be able to swim, elcs planned). We agreed. It would be nice to have some help and DS is close to her.

Fast forward and Centre Parcs became too expensive. Instead we booked a caravan holiday through the Sun promotions and paid for the newest/upgraded caravans, 4 nights. We paid for OH and I plus the two kids. We asked Dsis if she still wanted to come and she said yes, it would cost an additional £50 to add her and she would pay.

Dsis then gets a new BF, who is also a good friend of OH (together 2 months at this point and 4 by the time of the holiday). Lately she's been asking aboit adding him on too and he'd pay, completely ignoring the fact that 4 adults, 1 child and a baby in a 2 bed caravan isn't the best situation. Not to mention we invited her to cheer her up after a break up and she was going to spend quality time with DS. Dsis and her BF are looking at this as more of another holiday, relaxing and then drinking through the night. Completely impractical in our situation. Also, in terms of money OH and I had no problem buying a little extra food to cover a few dinners, lunches and breakfasts for Dsis, but we can't afford to do that for two extra adults nor is there room for two separate shops.

Since they've started to date Dsis has become inseparable from him, as she did with her ex. But really, a 4 night caravan holiday with a newborn and demanding child can't be seen as fun for a young 20 something, can it? I suspect it's Dsis pushing him to come, for her own wants.

I've told her she doesn't have to come if her BF isn't and she keeps insisting that it's fine, only to ask again in a few days. Wibu to return her £50 and tell her OH and I just want quiet down time with the kids and sbe can look at going away with her BF instead?

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 04/04/2017 15:56

Not unreasonable at all, it's a completely different ask the BF being there. Like you say they will want something different out of the holiday, drinking etc plus sure they wouldn't want to sleep seperately - they can't be up late distributing a baby sleeping in the lounge. I'd give her the £50 back (even though you don't have to) or tell her it's just her that's fine but it's not big enough for her BF to and won't work

Original poster
sailorcherries · 04/04/2017 15:59

It is legal as haven own the caravan and she wants us to add him on to the booking, no extra unaccounted for guests.

OP posts:
TimetohittheroadJack · 04/04/2017 16:01

Have you seen the size of the single beds in a caravan? they are teeny, an adult can lie flat but you can't even turn over. There's no way you could have a shag on one.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 04/04/2017 16:04

Sent her the following ...

I've spoken to OH and we don't think it would be the best set up. With the living room bed down there won't be much room for the travel cot and pram, plus it wouldn't be fair on you getting woken up with the baby. Plus our holiday will be slightly different in that it won't be later nights and lie ins because of the baby, so we can't really expect both you and BF to be up so we can start to move about the living room and prepare breakfasts etc.
And getting ready at night will be hard with hardly any room to move.

If you aren't wanting to come and would rather use the annual leave to go on another holiday with BF then i can just give you the £50 back. We don't mind, honestly. It's not going to be a very relaxing holiday as DS will demand a lot of attention and activities, and the baby will demand a lot of time both during the day and night xx

OP posts:
Kiroro · 04/04/2017 16:06

Wibu to return her £50 and tell her OH and I just want quiet down time with the kids and sbe can look at going away with her BF instead?

Totally R.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/04/2017 16:06

Nope - you know what to do.
Give her the £50 back and leave it at that.
When she tried to bring it up again just state that you are not going to discuss it anymore.
It's you going as a family and that's that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/04/2017 16:08

Really good message. Hope she's reasonable in reply! If not, well you've tried and been fair and kind about it. Any kicking off and you just say "I've already explained why it won't work having BF tag along, here's your money". Just give her the money in an envelope and hopefully you can draw a line.

Hope you have a lovely holiday, sounds like a good chance for cosy family bonding time, just the four of you.

KC225 · 04/04/2017 16:08

She is being unreasonable by asking. Ni way would I agree to this. Tell her 'No' that was not the original plan. Circumstances have changed and you will return her 50 pounds, if she no longer wants to come.

I would not be comfortable with a strange bloke living in such close quarters. Not to mention the new relationship snagging they'll be doing.

ImperialBlether · 04/04/2017 16:09

I reckon she'll still come, though, and then he'll come for the day and stay over. You need to hold firm with this, OP.

KC225 · 04/04/2017 16:09

Sorry didn't see the message you sent. Good luck OP

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 04/04/2017 16:10

Sounds like a fair message. Hope she understands it that way!

Megatherium · 04/04/2017 16:12

It is legal as haven own the caravan and she wants us to add him on to the booking, no extra unaccounted for guests.

But do Haven allow that degree of overcrowding in their caravans? I suspect there may well be something in the contract terms preventing it.

StealthPolarBear · 04/04/2017 16:14

Excellent message op

MrsMoastyToasty · 04/04/2017 16:15

Remind her that you need petrol money, food money, and that some Haven sites charge extra for heating the caravan when they are doing these Sun deals.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 04/04/2017 16:16

mega the caravan sleeps 6 - 2 in the main room, 2 in the second room and 2 in the living room.

It doesn't mean things aren't tight and certainly doesn't account for one of the six being in a travel cot and needing room for that.

imperial the caravan is a 5 hour drive from our home, and he doesn't drive. If she came and he turned up I'd be too surprised to complain!

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/04/2017 16:19

Good message. I hope she takes the hint!

TimetohittheroadJack · 04/04/2017 16:22

sailorcherries I'd suggest you take a moses basket rather than a travel cot for your new baby otherwise you'll be really short on space in the lounge.

ohdoadoodoo · 04/04/2017 16:22

YANBU and aside from anything I wouldn't want some bloke I barely know sleeping so close to my very young kids.

Theresnonamesleft · 04/04/2017 16:23

It wouldn't be overcrowding though. Their 2 beds sleep 6.

But anyway. No, I wouldn't agree to it. You know what would happen when you arrive. They would see the actual sleeping arrangements and realise that they would have no privacy at all. There's no door on the living room, so anyone getting up to go loo or for a drink will see them. The baby will be in their face because there's no room. So they will suggest that you sleep there, afterall it's your baby and they take the bedroom.

JaneEyre70 · 04/04/2017 16:25

We've done a few caravan holidays. You have zero privacy as the walls are made of cardboard. And no room. I've never felt so claustrophobic in my life as staying in one with a travel cot and pushchair/highchair.
It's hard enough when it's 2 adults and your kids, let alone adding in other adults. If she's really insistent on still coming, tell them to book a B & B nearby so you all get some privacy at night.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 04/04/2017 16:49

She replied saying that was okay and she'd still come to help out with DS as OH and I might be knackered.

Hopefully she understands but we'll see how she reacts closer to the time.

I suppose that's as good an outcome as I can hope for!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/04/2017 16:55

:)

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/04/2017 16:56

Speaking as a static caravan owner - you won't get the double sofa bed out and a travel cot up in the lounge area of many 2 bed models.

Not unless it's a super-duper, extra large one. Which Haven don't generally use for the £9.50 holiday promotions (because they can let them out at a much higher cost).

Mustbeoriginal38 · 04/04/2017 17:03

Totally reasonable to offer her the money back. Will be interesting to see what happens closer to the holiday.

On a side note our Haven caravan in October last year had enough room in it to put our travel cot at the foot of the bed. Ds2 was 17 weeks at the time. Ds1 had the twin room to himself.

leighb23 · 04/04/2017 22:14

No, sailor (ooerr missus, Grin)
You are absolutely right, he will be a liability, she will be led by her fanny in whatever direction he chooses, so yes - I make you right, it is completely untenable. Piss her off out of it, tell her a similar van would be x amount and here's your 50 quid back. Then you can get together with them on your terms as and when x

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