AIBU adult DS cut off realtionship

[user1491309983]

I have 2 DS's both now adults and in early 20's - one away from home and the eldest just away today but under very bad conditions.
I'm sat here now thinking about them as babies, toddlers and growing up and hopes for them, not about high flying jobs, just happy, settled, confident and with enough money in their pockets to allow them choices in life.
Youngest away at Uni - peaks and troughs but finding his way through and building on his life lessons and experiences- so bobbing along.
Eldest DS has some wonderful qualities - compassionate, generous, kind.....but over the last couple of years I've seem some huge changes - moods, he works long hours - I do to, expects all to be laid to him and all has come bubbling to the surface - he's the only one of friends that needs to do anything at home @24 years, I nag, don't know anything about his life - and after being asked to leave after yet another episode of turning up in the early hours v.v.v. drunk without key he was finally asked to leave as he needs some respect and to go out there and experience real world.
Today he has picked up his things after a night away, I had hoped that things would have calmed down, but he's told me that he f....ing hates me that I'm a F...dick and that he will never speak to me again and i'll end up old and alone.
Hurt doesn't begin to explain how I feel...I brought them up alone for most of their life and after rubbish relationships with my parents didn't want this.
I know that this happens in families, I know that I'm not right all the time but AIBU in asking him to leave? My lovely son, what's happened?

He's just lashing out at you because he knows he's in the wrong and his own behaviour has caused this.

You have allowed him to live with you into his mid-twenties, but unfortunately he does seem rather entitled (bet he didn't pay rent/help around the house/contribute to bills either).

You have now called him on it and you have to just take some comfort that you are doing the right thing in terms of tough love by sending him out into the world to pay rent, work and be a functioning member of society.

What do you do ? Let him get on with it.
Why on earth are you begging him to come back ?
Leave him.
He can't even run the hoover round.
Don't answer the phone.
Poor little baby.
I bet he wasn't the only kid in his class with only one parent at home.
He needs to grow up.
Before you married did you do everything for him ? It sounds like it.

She didn't beg him to come back, he asked to come back without apologising.

OP, stay strong and calm but hold your ground. He's just lashing out because things are bad for him now. You haven't got him into debt or this situation, he has done it to himself.

Taking him back in after how he's treated you and without so much as an apology would be a very bad decision. You'd basically be telling him he was right and you were wrong and be giving him carte blanch to continue treating you like shit.

It must be really hard but making him stand on his own two feet is the only thing that's going on teach him what a twat he's being.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this

I truly cannot imagine how he thinks telling his mother he wishes her dead is in any way a normal/ reasonable response, or any scenario to bring him to that.

His own behaviour has brought you to the point where you cannot live with him, and no way should he come back.
When he has had time to reflect/grow up, he will either realise what an ungrateful brat he's been and seek to repair your relationship. That or he will become embittered at his perceived hardship and remain estranged. Either way, they are HIS CHOICES and you need to step back and let him make them.

Please try to make peace with yourself, you've done the right thing.

He is a poor tactician - if he had hoped to trot back home he has now burned his boats.
Dragging up supposed grievances from way back, what was that about other than to lash out spitefully.
He has been holding down a job, he can't be a total misfit.
His DB was brought up in the same environment and seems to be coping, though you alluded to peaks and troughs?

This spite was all directed at you. He seems to draw the line at mouthing off at his stepdad.
I do think it's healthy for grown up children and parents to have some distance at some stage.

At 24 any wish to change his situation really needs to come from him.
Leave him to stew for now.