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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that you never REALLY get over an eating disorder?

35 replies

JonesyAndTheSalad · 04/04/2017 14:01

I'm a bit fed up about it tonight. (I'm in Oz)

I was anorexic as an older teen, well into my 20s. WHen I met my DH he really helped me in many ways and I recovered.

Sort of.

I still have so many hang ups!

I can't bear any "play" based around food...be that banter or jokes...I find it hugely distasteful for example when my guests who are currently staying, say things like "Hey don't eat ALL the good bits!" to each other or if they display anything which I might see as "greedy"

I can't cope when people comment on how nice something is as they're eating it either.

I don't know why it's all coming back...just writing this has made me realise that.

I really struggled tonight as one of my guests is a bit "slappy" as he eats...he sucks his fingers too. :(

I feel like I'm going backwards again!

OP posts:

SargeantAngua · 04/04/2017 17:24

I call my anorexia my sleeping dragon - I'm a long way past the acute stage, and have made lots of progress in the last year or so since living with a boyfriend who loves all the foods I've denied myself for years even when supposedly 'recovered'. It still lurks though, shifting and grumbling in its sleep, sniffing the air at times... I don't think it'll ever sleep soundly, but I'm a lot better than I have been and life is liveable now.

Haffiana · 04/04/2017 17:35

One of my relatives has been supposedly recovered from an eating disorder for 20 years or more. But she hasn't really. She is a normal weight, but I can see it in the way she hangs around at family gatherings serving people (particularly puddings), claiming she has already had some, watching people eating etc etc. You can see a sort of terror in her eyes if she is served anything fattening. She also always eats alone at home, although she will sit with her family while they eat. I feel so desperately sorry for her - she must long to be normal about food. It seems to consume so much of her energy.

RubyGoat · 04/04/2017 17:39

It's like an addiction. And I agree, a lot of people don't ever feel they can get free of it. I don't think I ever will be, even though I'm a normal weight now & have been normal weight or slightly overweight since my DD was born. Before I got pregnant, I was underweight & I felt great, it was so easy to keep pushing it. I've since seen pictures of myself at that time (I was at least 2 stone heaver than my lowest ever adult weight), I looked bloody awful. It's still hard to keep reminding myself I'm better off as I am now though. I know I'm healthier now but I don't feel it, that's how I know I'm not better. DH thinks I'm OK now because I eat normally but I'm miserable.

Stripeymug · 04/04/2017 17:40

My DSIS is having a relapse nearly 30 years after the first time, I think that hers in relation to work stress and her eldest having a medical problem.

whereonthestair · 04/04/2017 17:47

I am another who is completely recovered. I was anorexic for 9 years, and had disordered eating a couple of years either side, but have been fully recovered for over 15 years. I eat normally, when I am hungry, and I eat what I want when I want. Have a healthy BMI of around 23-24 which varies a bit but not much. It is where my weight is supposed to be.

What helped me was

Getting older
My DH who is very normal around food,
Working full time is a very stressful job
Counselling

The counselling helped me get a new perspective on what I can't control. It also generally helped with my mental health and feeling good about the world accepting the things I cannot change.

The rest I think helped more because I was a teenager when I had anorexic, and I partly grew out of the other factors, left home, took more control of the rest of my life.

I occasionally have a phase of getting fit, stopping drinking, eating healthily, but I lapse in a very normal way and then don't worry about it.

It is possible to recover.

manicinsomniac · 04/04/2017 18:33

I also don't think it's fair to say that someone didn't fully recover just because they went on to have a relapse 10+ years later (there's a post upthread saying 30 years later even!)

If another illness reoccurs in someone later in their life we don't automatically say it was there the whole time.

lljkk · 04/04/2017 18:48

Mmmm... my ED is very dormant & has been for decades. I wasnt anorexic, though. I think that is the worst ED.

FruitCider · 04/04/2017 18:55

I had anorexia in my mid teens. Now my BMI is 28 and I can't lose the last stone!

However I do still binge on crisps... maybe that's it.

PolkadotPony · 04/04/2017 18:57

Yanbu. Mine has never wholly gone.

Babymamamama · 04/04/2017 19:12

OP I had the same as you in my late teens and twenties ie I viewed food as disgusting and equated it with going to the toilet. I had no idea anyway else had the same thing. It was linked i think to social anxiety. I couldn't eat at all in front of people i didn't know well outside my own family. It escalated at university when I had to eat in halls. This was almost impossible for me and I dropped down to a uk size 6. I remember a few people asking me if I was anorexic. I honestly didn't know if I was as I really didn't want to diet or lose weight but just felt so anxious about eating in public. Many years later I have more or less completely got over this and I hope you will too. Just occasionally a feeling of unease about eating will come over me. If I'm in an unfamiliar setting or I have to eat in front of someone I don't like. But apart from that I'm ok now. Long story short I think you can recover but some of the feelings will always stay with you.

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