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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp going on about dd eating chocolate then he eats 5 doughnuts!

100 replies

babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 13:21

Been with my dp 10 yrs& our dd is 8& a half.
She loves her chocolate just like her mum!Smile

We all used to eat bit too much of it so have cut it down now to just on a Saturday night.
Dp has been going on about how much dd eats for ages&also goes on about her weight NOT to her i should say but to me.though I did find out bk last yr he was actually weighing her behind my back which I was not happy about at all&told him so!
He doesn't however stop her from eating biscuits or buying her chocolate spread to go on her toast for breakfast or chocolate cereal!
Anyway this last Saturday I bought myself&dd our treats one pack of chocolate each asked if dp wanted any to which he replied no.so I left it at that finished shopping went home.
Fast forward to the evening dd brought our choc in ready.the next thing I knew dp was walking in with a 5pk of jam doughnuts&ate the lot!
I couldn't believe it&told him so!
Aibu that he can't go on about how much chocolate dd eats&then turns round&does that??
To me it's a do as I say not do as I do attitude!
He's a very fussy eater&seems to have a thing about weight somehow.he's very skinny.I'm 5ft& a bit plump but my bmi is within normal range.dd has my family's build but my dps height.he's 6ft.

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 13:23

Sorry it cut off the end of the post for some reason! Hes 6ft.

OP posts:
araiwa · 04/04/2017 13:24

how dare he care about his daughters health

ltb

whattodowiththepoo · 04/04/2017 13:28

He's an adult and can eat what he wants, he is also a father and has every right to worry about what his daughter eats.

DixieNormas · 04/04/2017 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BagittoGo · 04/04/2017 13:33

Sitting there eating 5 doughnuts is greedy and totally the wrong message to send out to children. Treats happen occasionally and you have one. He's showing your daughter how to be sanctimonious in public and binge eat in private. As an aside I would cut out the choc spreads etc. As any dieter will tell you that is where your extra calls come from. As a dad he should be setting an example.

SuperPug · 04/04/2017 13:33

Chocolate spread, cereal and other chocolate related stuff sounds a lot to be honest. I've had issues with sugar, to the point of this significantly affecting my health.
Your husband needs to set a better example to your daughter as well and you can inherit a certain body type without being overweight and/ or unhealthy.
It's bloody difficult to get out of these habits later on and sadly kids are cruel at school when it comes to comments about weight. I'm in no way on the side of people like this but it's a sad fact in schools unfortunately.

DixieNormas · 04/04/2017 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkHeart59156816 · 04/04/2017 13:42

The diffrence is his an adult and your dd is a child. it's natural to worry about your dc eating habits as parents you want to keep them healthy

I drink wine wouldn't give it to my baby
I eat chocolate but wouldn't give it regularly to my babies why? Because I am an adult and I know I can't have these things all the time but my dc depend on me to give them a healthy diet and I don't think them having chocolate spread, chocolate etc regularly is good for them

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 13:45

Superpug she isn't being teased about her weight at school.no issues there with that.she's not a great big child at all.as I say shes a tall girl for her age.taller than most of her classmates&is in age 10/11 clothes.
She has no chocolate spread or cereal at the moment&I'm going to insist we don't buy any now until after the Easter eggs have gone at least!
I was a very fat girl when I was 10/11&my elder brother was much bigger than me at same age.our parents had to bus him tailor made clothes!BUT we grew out of it as we went into puberty.we have cousins&nieces who are the same.
I hated the weighing her behind my back!
Unfortunately slim doesn't always mean healthy either!

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 13:49

Should say she's NOT a big child!
Should also point out we don't have the chocolate spread& cereal at the same time!
It's not just all chocolate!

OP posts:
PinkHeart59156816 · 04/04/2017 13:49

A lot of children unfortunately don't grow out of being over weight though, it's great that you did when you hit puberty but that isn't what always happens.

No slim doesn't always mean healthy but lots of chocolates and chocolate spread certainly won't make someone healthy either

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 13:55

He's the one that buys the spread& cereals though!I just walk past them& go to something else that she likes.
She used to love honey on toast but hasn't eaten it now for ages though I try to encourage her to still.
The growing out if it at puberty is what mostly happens with our family.even the ones who aren't allowed things like chocolate or are restricted.

OP posts:
livefornaps · 04/04/2017 13:57

Nothing wrong with a jam donut but gorging on five is too much. It sends the message that packets that are designed for multiple people are in fact a single serving! Do you see what I mean? A pack like that would do a family. It's important your daughter knows that there's absolutely nothing wrong with treats but that they are also something to share. Sitting down with a pack of anything (chocolate/crisps/alcohol) that was designed for several people and polishing the lot off by yourself is not a good place to be in.

SuperPug · 04/04/2017 14:10

Sorry, the presumption was made from your dp's comments re: her weight. No, slim doesn't always mean healthy. I'm not overweight but issues with sugar have caused other issues.

MrsPacMan · 04/04/2017 14:19

I think probably the donuts was a passive aggressive thing because he doesn't agree with you and DD eating so much chocolate.

It does sound like you maybe aren't following or encouraging the most healthy of diets.

I wouldn't have the chocolate or donuts or any other sweetie type foods in the house to be honest, but we're vegan, so a bit extreme 😂

Porpoiselife · 04/04/2017 14:19

Not a good example that's for sure. When you say you have a pack of chocolate each Saturday though, what do you mean by a pack? Like a multipack of choccie bars or one choccie bar?

eurochick · 04/04/2017 14:19

There's nothing wrong with everything in moderation but chocolate, chocolate spread, doughnuts, etc doesn't sound very moderate to me. Maybe you could all do with improving your diets?

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2017 14:25

I would no more sit and eat 5 jam donuts in front of my kids, than I would sit and smoke a cigarette.

It's up to him what he eats and how much, but that's a terrible example to set.

ThePiglet59 · 04/04/2017 14:34

Why can't he weigh his own kid?

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 15:51

Because Piglet I don't think ther3s any need for it.especially not doing it sneakily behind my back!
He smokes too Worrel but not in the house.
As I say Euro we don't eat like that every day.I would love to get more healthy meals down her like stews casseroles etc but neither if them will eat those! She will eat my spag bol but only a little bit.dp won't touch it!she will eat pasta bake with sweetcorn,jkt potatoes with sausage& beans.plus the usual kiddy meals.she loves a roast dinner.she doesn't eat much fruit& veg like her dad.so say with a roast she will have roast pots roast parsnips& raw carrots.the only fruit she likes are apples. She used to eat grapes too but went off them.
I have 2 grown up dds from a previous marriage who eat anything you put in front of them! Never been fussy eaters.we used to be just the same in eating chocolate etc BUT they would eat all sorts of veg& fruit etc too.
I get very bored of cooking the same old things for tea etc as they're quite limited in what they eat though dp always says you can have whatever you want.
He can even be fussy with his sandwiches for work!

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 15:53

Sorry Porpoise the packs we have are generally the next size up from smallest pack of say Maltesers,Munchies that sort of thing.

OP posts:
ThePiglet59 · 04/04/2017 15:54

But she is his child too.
Perhaps he feels the need, and looking at the family diet I can see why.

Who decided that you get to make all the parenting decisions?

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 15:58

As I've said Piglet we don't eat that every day or have the cereals& spread all the time!& he's the one that buys it!
He shouldn't be weighing her at all but especially not behind my back!what message is that giving to her??

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 04/04/2017 16:22

You do need to weigh children though, to find out how much they weigh and what their bmi is. The red book says to do it three times a year.

Your husband sounds like he is being a very bad example and I can see why you are annoyed about the donuts.

It sounds like you both have her best interests at heart so try and talk it out and work together. Xxx

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2017 16:35

She's weighed at intervals at school.haven't used her red book since she was a toddler.
Will try& do that later gogo yes though he's not the easiest person to talk to.he just gets defensive.

OP posts:
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