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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in retracting our offer on house

63 replies

user1491297286 · 04/04/2017 10:30

DH and I found a property we loved last week and (after months of searching) decided to put in an offer. Our first offer was rejected and we eventually agreed to meet the vendors half way, resulting in us agreeing to pay 5k more for the house than we wanted to and going to the top of our budget. The vendors accepted our offer on the basis that they found somewhere themselves. Last night, DH and I discussed things again and revaluated our finances and outgoings should we purchase the house.

Although we can afford the mortgage, we are putting ourselves in a position where we would be stretching ourselves and would be worried about finances each month. We also considered interest rates rising, and the fact we want to start a family, which again could mean we would be unable to afford the repayments in 5 years’ time.

Last night we had a message to say the vendors have found somewhere and have had an offer accepted today so they are ready to proceed. Blush We both feel absolutely terrible and stupid. We should have evaluated things properly before placing an offer but we fell in love with the property and got carried away.

Are we going to be blacklisted for pulling out here?! Sad I feel our reason is rather pathetic and embarrassing but cannot think of any other reason to give!

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 04/04/2017 11:10

Much better to pull out now before any one has spent any money on surveys etc. (I had to do this when offer on the house I was selling fell through - had to pull out of the one I was buying - yes I felt bad but these things happen in house buying)

i know from experience that struggling every month to pay a mortgage you can't afford is utterly miserable.
You need a mortgage you can afford, you need to live comfortably from month to month (and be able to cover emergency expenses) and you will need money to cover things to do the house which are bound to come up. I have never bought a house (and I've bought a few) that didn't need something unpredicted fixing once I moved in)

If you are having doubts now those doubts will only increase as you get further into a purchase and by that time you will have spent money on survey, solicitors etc etc. House buying is bloody stressful at the best of times - don;t make it more so for yourselves Smile

Original poster
user1491297286 · 04/04/2017 11:14

Thank you everyone. We do feel terrible and as people who are normally very sensible and consider things thoroughly before jumping in, we feel pretty ashamed and embarrassed. We never considered ourselves time wasters and I feel terribly guilty we have inconvenienced this couple. The only saving grace is that the offer was only accepted last week (on the basis they found somewhere) and yesterday evening officially. When we agreed to pull out we both felt a huge sense of relief, so that to us is our answer. We are letting them know on our lunch break at 12pm. Feel terrible but know it's the right thing :(

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 04/04/2017 11:14

Definitely pull out.

EweAreHere · 04/04/2017 11:15

We've withdrawn an offer before. There were too many issues with the Sellers, who had inherited the property and really wanted more than it was worth, and in the end, it just wasn't worth dealing with them. So we pulled out. I don't particularly care if they were unhappy; they'd been difficult to deal with through the EA.

Bettyspants · 04/04/2017 11:16

We really stretched ourselves with our first house as we were both working full time and didn't have children (but were planning) this basically meant really tight budgeting for a few years (a bit of a shock after paying rentals) but put us in a MUCH better position to buy our next house. Depends on what your priorities are, if you want disposable income and to be living more comfortably in a cheaper house then pull out now. Not great but shit happens. If your happy to tighten things up now with the aim of moving up the ladder then stick with it.

Lespritdelsietanner · 04/04/2017 11:16

You are feeling a little guilty because of the impact withdrawing might have on the vendor but you shouldn't buy a house/put yourselves into unmanageable debt out of guilt. As nothing legal has been signed I doubt there will be any repercussions for pulling out at this stage.

thatdearoctopus · 04/04/2017 11:18

That's an entirely different scenario though, EweAreHere. The OP wants to pull out because they haven't done their sums properly, not because the vendors are playing up.

MrsJaniceBattersby · 04/04/2017 11:20

No pull out now , don't leave it

Lots of people do this , overestimate in all the excitement

alltouchedout · 04/04/2017 11:21

The OP wants to pull out because they haven't done their sums properly, not because the vendors are playing up.

But the OP should still pull out. This may inconvenience the sellers, but if OP goes ahead with buying a house which she cannot realistically afford, she and her DP are facing total ruin. No one would expect her to go through with it just so the sellers aren't inconvenienced, surely? OP seems properly apologetic and to feel awful about it anyway.

seafoodeatit · 04/04/2017 11:26

I agree that £5k is really not a big sum in mortgage terms unless I guess if it pushes you over the stamp duty threshold.

Definitely pull out asap if that's what you're going to do, the longer you leave it the more invested all parties become. We pulled out of 3 properties for various reasons before we bought our current house (one due to cost of works, one wasn't mortgageable and one wasn't committed to buying on at all it seemed) it's a common scenario.

Viviennemary · 04/04/2017 11:33

It will be very annoying for the vendors. However, you should do what's best for you which it seems in your case is to pull out before the sale proceeds any further. Try not to make a similar mistake again as it costs everyone and causes lots of stress to an already stressful process.

LaContessaDiPlump · 04/04/2017 11:40

Sounds like the right decision op.

My top tip for house buying is to get a mortgage that can just about be paid off by one partner alone, if necessary. We did this as we knew I was going to be out of work for a while, and it also worked very well when I was a SAHM for 2 years. Yes, it was scrimping and saving, but at least it wasn't an utter calamity when I struggled to find work again later on. I know others who went for a mortgage where they both HAD to work and they have struggled for the past 7 years Sad

Obviously it isn't always possible to get a place that can be paid off by one of you but if it's an option I'd always recommend to go for it.

Greenkit · 04/04/2017 12:13

Is waiting for the 'Cant believe our buyers just pulled the plug' thread

neonrainbow · 04/04/2017 12:20

Don't over stretch just to avoid inconveniencing someone else. Its not 5k too much its 30k. Go back to the drawing board and work out what you're willing to prioritise.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 04/04/2017 13:21

I think you've done the right thing. It will probably piss the vendors off, but however annoyed they are and however much to blame you are, you can't buy a house out of social embarrassment. I also don't think this is necessarily the time to be 'stretching' yourself, either. While that would've been good advice for the majority of properties over the majority of the past 15 years, we are about to enter a period of uncertainty.

sonyaya · 04/04/2017 13:31

I've been where your vendors are and I feel very sorry for them. Their offer to their proposed new house may be contingent on them having buyers for their house, which they now don't.

I agree that having made the offer, if you don't want the house you shouldn't proceed out of guilt but this kind of shit is why buying/selling houses is so awful.

There's no blacklist but if the same agent is selling another property you want and you're not the only buyer, it will be passed on to the vendor, and I don't think you can complain about that really.

FlyAwayPeter · 04/04/2017 13:32

Over time we gradually had been looking at houses more and more expensive to find what we liked

Is this your first house purchase? You may find you'll have to lower your expectations, which is normal when buying your first house. My first house had no proper hot water & an outside loo (well sort of outside). I coped.

People expect rather too much nowadays, I find. Lower your expectations.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 04/04/2017 13:59

People expect too little, considering the prices we pay for houses relative to what they were in real terms 20 years ago.

Original poster
user1491297286 · 04/04/2017 18:18

Yes it's our first home. Unfortunately the much cheaper properties are either in poor areas, in need of modernisation or flats. This has caused us to bump the price range up and up in order to find property we actually liked. Unfortunately we have come to the realisation that it's our first home and we need to accept that it isn't going to be fancy, or perfect. We have informed the estate agent and apologised profusely. A lesson learned! Sad

OP posts:
Sunshinegirl82 · 04/04/2017 18:43

Are there any new builds near you OP? Might be worth looking at the Help to Buy, it's worked out brilliantly for us.

FlyAwayPeter · 04/04/2017 19:12

the much cheaper properties are either in poor areas, in need of modernisation

That's typical for first home buyers ... cut your coat & all that.

EyeStye · 04/04/2017 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joystir59 · 04/04/2017 19:29

OP The reason why I am on MN night after night ranting about almost any subject is because of people like you! We have been trying to sell our house and move for 6 months- we have sold our house 4 times over only for the buyer's buyer to pull out. Like your vendor we have had our offer accepted on what is our dream house, only to now be at risk of losing it because of the time we are taking selling ours. HOW ON EARTH do you get to the point of placing an offer on a property without checking your financial position????

FlyAwayPeter · 04/04/2017 19:32

It is a bit odd, I agree joystir - it sounds as though in this case there is a level of aspiration & expectation that income can't match.

joystir59 · 04/04/2017 19:43

Buying and selling property is one of the most stressful life events. When I said we had sold 4 times over that isn't strictly true- we've been hooked to the same buyer for 5 months, and he clearly has an issue with his house as his buyer pulled out twice- one just disappeared without a word to EA or Solicitor. We finally put our house back on the market and after 2 viewings we now have a FBT who, fingers crossed, is serious and committed. But it is a serious business, and really not helpful for people to place offers without taking the process seriously- we are all trying to move for different important reasons. Please take care OP, not to play with other people's lives in future.

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