To think I'm too delicate for Facebook?

[twinklehickorymoomoo]

I've suffered from anxiety for a long time. I've come to the conclusion that I'm too delicate for Facebook. If I get deleted by someone it plays on my mind for weeks. I know there could be a hundred reasons why, e.g. Only met in real life a couple of times, or they've having a general friends clear out, I annoy them with hundreds of photos of my kids etc! But I find someone purposely clicking that they no longer want to be my friend really upsetting. I never generally add people as friends and just accept when they add me, but how do I stop getting so offended when I get deleted? I constantly play things back in my head wondering what I've done wrong and then come to the conclusion that people are talking behind my back spreading awful rumours which are making people want to delete me. Am I the only one?!

I'm exactly the same OP. I hardly ever post, maybe every few months so i get upset when i realise someone has deleted me-its not like i have been annoying them. It really depends on my mental headspace at the time, sometimes Facebook starts making me feel hyper critical of myself and my lot, even though the logical me knows that it in no way reflects the reality of peoples lives.

Best thing to do? Have a break of a month from all social media. You'll feel much better. I often do this. Put your pics on the Cloud or email them to yourself- I have set up email addresses for my children and i regularly email our pictures for them with a little note as to what we were doing for them to have in the future.

YANBU. For those of us who worry about things people do or say, try to analyse stuff and whether to take it personally, FaceBook is the last thing we need. I've never signed up because I know I'd hate to be deleted by someone, would worry if no-one "liked" my posts, would spend ages trying to write the "right thing". Life is too short! FB is optional and while some use it for invitations "because everyone has FB and if they don't they should", that still doesn't outweigh the stress, for some of us, of belonging to it. Each to their own, but I don't really like the "blanket approach" anyway and prefer to keep in touch with people individually by email, text, phone or seeing people in person. So, you are not the only one, and you are not "too delicate", it is the way FB works which feels harsh to some people. I've come to realise (after a long time) that there's nothing wrong with being a sensitive type, it's just the way some of us are, and sometimes we have to avoid things which aren't compulsory and don't suit us.

Oh wow I never thought that twice a week posting would be enough to annoy people! It's generally just checking into a cafe or a photo of my kids on the beach saying what a lovely day it is! I get more suspicious of people that never post as they're seeing other people's posts but not sharing their own! But yeah it's taking up far too much of my headspace! I've got friends that post three times a day and I still don't delete them!!!

I deleted the app a week ago and actually feel so much better for it I have terrible anxiety and depression and I've done so much better for getting rid of it, I've not even been tempted to check it either. My husband has noticed a huge change in my mood so it's definitely been worth letting it go. I use WhatsApp to stay in touch now, less intrusive and easier to put down and walk away for a bit. Even the house is tidier and all my laundry is up to date.... huge time waster and do glad to be rid of it.

You aren't alone in how you feel x

Hi OP
I think you need to step away from FB for a little while.

People delete me and I barely notice, until I go on to nosey on their page and realise I cannot see it anymore because they are no longer a friend!

I don't give it too much thought why they deleted me- I know who my real/proper friends are in real life.

With FB I've gone very passive over the last year or so- I don't tend to add people in or delete them.

In my experience, people who delete friends often tend to do so because of their own issues, rather than because of you or anything you've done. For example, someone struggling with infertility might delete someone who posts pictures of their newborn, because they find it painful, or someone with marriage difficulties might delete someone who frequently posts"happy family" pictures of family days out, because it highlights something that's missing from their life. Despite the "oversharing" culture of facebook, it's often really difficult to know what's really going on in people's lives.

It's very easy to look inwards, but if you're not aware of any issues in real life, then it's more than likely not something you've done, or something that you need to take personally.

You can keep Messenger on a phone without Facebook. You can also deactivate your account, which makes it disappear but you can reactivate at any time. Glad you've decided to take a break from it.

You've all made me feel much better! Facebook is a nightmare, I'm constantly worrying about what I'm writing and what people think of me. I did my first ever 5k the other week and wanted to shout it from the hilltops but didn't in case It came across as braggy 😒 it means I'm always second guessing myself. Social media can obviously be great but I'm beginning to think it's not for me!!!

It bothers me, OP. I have kept messenger app but deleted fb app from my phone so I only use the laptop to look at it. I did try deactivating but I think my kids missed out socially as I didn't hear about meet ups etc. and a lot of the groups they attend communicate via fb.

Don't use fb to store your pictures. They compress them to reduce space, so you'll never get the full quality pictures back if you lose them from your phone.

You wouldn't necessarily be able to print from them for example as the quality would be too low.

I came off face book completely about 12 months ago, I love it. I used to get a bit envious of people's apparently perfect lives when mine is definitely not perfect but I feel so much more at ease with myself and a lot less anxious now. I see people who used to post about what amazing half term holidays they had and I love the fact that they have no idea what I did. They don't know anything about me or what my house/garden/car/holidays look like and I really like that. I love being anonymous in today's word.

Oh no. I didn't realise re the photo thing. Thought it was just a safe space to save them. We don't have laptops just phones and iPads and I pay extra to store them on the cloud so maybe I don't need to bother saving them on fb.

You can get dropbox which is cloud storage. Whenever I take a picture it automatically saves it there as backup and its free x

So it's not normal to get upset or offended when someone doesn't want to be your friend?

Just because FB calls them your friend doesn't mean they actually are. Do you actually know these people at all? Do you interact with them, do you add anything to their feed, or they to yours?

It does sound like you are too sensitive for FB, yes.

I stay on FB because a couple of local clubs have groups on there so I kind of need to be on FB to stay in touch - there is a weekly email but I would miss out on last minute changes of plan. Although this thread has prompted me to go onto FB and point out that not everyone is on FB and so last-minute changes of plan should go via email/text too.

If I feel upset/annoyed/inadequate at posts I unfollow the person so I don't see them.

I sometimes delete people. I think, if I ran into them in town etc would I stop and chat? If not, why on earth am I friends with them on FB?

Well yes of course I know them. None of them are just online friends. They're all people that have added me. People like a girl from toddlers, an Avon rep that I know from the nursery run but I've also bought Avon bits from, people that I've worked with 6 years ago etc. So I'm not massively close to them, but they are people that if I bump into them we will have a quick conversation.

So none of them are actual friends then.

Well they're people I'd be friendly with. But I get what you're saying! If everyone just had true friends on Facebook then surely most people would only have 5 or so friends on there 🤔

No, you can have anyone you want on FB, but when you're mistaking FB randos with actual friends and being bothered by how they are with you, that is your problem. You're reacting to FB "friends" as if they were actual friends.

Someone you last worked with half a decade a go deletes you off FB, so what? What did that person add to your life, what did you add to theirs? Nothing. No loss.

Dingdong I know you're right! I just take offence to anyone not wanting to be my friend, even if that person is from half a decade ago! I feel like it's a personal attack on my character and personality! It's harder to delete someone on fb than it is to just ignore them which is what annoys me I think. But as I said, I'm not resilient enough for social media. I'm far too sensitive so I think I'm better off without it!

I would just come off it if it upsets you that much. There's lots of good things about Facebook, but when you're feeling low it can make you feel like everyone else in the world is having a great time and that you're 'missing out'! You have to take it with a pinch of salt, but it's hard to do that when you're not in a great state mentally. Easier just to avoid it!

I had exactly the same issue, op

Like others said, you need to take a set bank and delete it. I did 8 months ago and I don't miss it at all!

Bit late to this post but I'm far too anxious for Facebook. I saw a post of photos last night to a huge 40th birthday party that I wasn't invited to. Had I not even been on Facebook, I would not even know the party existed. Cue the ridiculous thoughts of "why was Flossie invited & I wasn't, am I not liked anymore...." etc.

I'd delete the whole thing but the school my two attend use a Facebook group as their only point of contact.